After a week of eating my feelings, I suppose it is time to get my shit together and get back on the saddle. I swear to God I've gained about 15 pounds over the course of the last 7 days thanks to a trip home last weekend, coupled with severe boredom and a less-than-conducive to eating regular meals work schedule (going into work at 5pm and getting out at 4am.... not good). Ugh. It always seems that just when everyone else is shedding winter weight and getting fit for summer, I balloon out just in time for shorts season. It doesn't help me feel any better that when I go on Pinterest to do my pinning for Renegade Chicks and all of the street fashion photos seem to feature girls with twigs for legs. What gives? It's almost as bad as lookbook.nu where every person looks like they're suffering from anorexia (I'm sorry, I know an eating disorder ravaged body when I see it as opposed to someone who is naturally thin). Come on, I know that not all stylish people of the world are under 100 lbs. It's so annoying and frustrating that no one with any mass to their body posts pictures. I'm not advocating a plus-size lookbook or pinterest fashion page, but it'd be nice to see some varying body shapes. I see all of these outfits that look awesome on a girl with a thigh-gap and bony ass collar bone, and then I picture myself wearing them and realize that because I have an ass and thighs they won't look nearly as good on me. It is thoroughly depressing. And I'm not saying I'm big, because I'm far from being fat, but jesus... if these photos make a person of my size feel inadequate that's an issue. It's just not healthy. Another thing I hate about summer is the fact that heat makes me swell. So does working out. I can't even take walks without my calves and thighs growing in size. No lie. I'm better off not working out at all. I took a walk across the bridge last week and my calves doubled in size. It's so sad.
I have been so much better at not taking anything for granted since living on my own, but the one thing I've realized that I take for granted far too often is my health. Whenever I'm sick, I realize how awesome it is just to feel 'normal' and well. Last week, I started feeling a bit off and decided a doctor's appointment was in order. After searching my insurance's directory page, I realized the nearest doctor that accepted my insurance plan (MVP, hmo), was an hour and forty minute commute away. "Ain't nobody got time for that." hahaha. It was so frustrating. And on top of the fact the commute would have taken the better part of a day, they couldn't even get me in for like 3 days. UM, HELLO???? If I'm making a doctor's appointment for an issue that's currently going on with my body, I'd really like to be fucking seen ASAP to get said issue resolved. So, I was forced to make an appointment with an office in Manhattan and on top of spending $90 out of pocket for a routine check up, I waiting for an hour and 45 minutes. What would I do if I had had to get to work and they made me wait that long? I was so fucking frustrated. I have an actual doctor's appointment scheduled at home next week, which I am SO looking forward to. I don't know who looks forward to a doctor's appointment like it's a holiday, but let me tell you, I am. I can't wait to see my regular doctor, and be treated like a human being, not just another random patient they need to get in and out. My abdomen has been feeling seriously wonky. Last summer I had gastritis and made a midnight trip to the ER after throwing up at work and crying all night from the stabbing pain under my rib cage. I ended up needing a double IV and narcotic drip followed by a series of antibiotics and prescription pain killers. However, I've been having intense stabbing pains in my lower, right-side this time, and I don't know what the fuck is going on. Naturally I've hopped on webmd.com and have concluded it's probably some sort of ovarian cancer. I'm sure I'm being dramatic and a hypochondriac, but only time will tell. At least this doctor's visit will give me a chance to go home for a couple of days. I can't fucking wait to see my friends and Bijou and have some peach sangria.
My sister was out of town this weekend and I was responsible for feeding Emma, so I have been taking full advantage of cable. I watched some truly sappy shit like 'Nights in Rodanthe' and then I went on a Dolly Parton kick and watched '9 to 5' and own of my favorite girly movies, 'Steel Magnolias.' Dolly Parton used to be so f*cking pretty before she jacked her face up. hahaha. I also watched a lot of Food Network (probably why I my hunger was never satiated and I devoured upwards of 20,000 calories in two days). I decided one of my new goals in life is to mature into a less-fat version of Ina Garten (Barefoot Contessa). I someday aspire to own a huge, shingle-sided mansion in the Hamptons where I make delicious food and cocktails to serve to my friends and guests all year long. I think that'd be a lovely life- picnics on the beach at sunset, beautiful brunches for two. Sigh. A girl can dream, right?
I have also decided to be a nerd and list some of my favorite little things in life (apart from the basics like friends and family), to remind myself of all the small things that I should be grateful for:
1. Lilacs in the spring. I have decided that when I get married some day, I will need luscious bouquets of white lilacs at my wedding. I don't care if lilac season is over, they will be had even if I have to spend mad money to import them.
2. Bijou. He is the best cat I know... all sweet, and fluffy and gay and doing is business in the outdoors where I'm not subjected to the foul scents or having to scoop his shit at 2am.
3. A great cocktail with my best friends; whether it is the perfect cosmopolitan (my local bartender surprisingly makes the best... I like a lot of triple sec), or the $5 peach sangria from Highway 7. Nothing is more relaxing than a good cocktail and some girl talk.
4. Fires- I love bonfires in the summer and fires in the winter. Nothing is more comforting than the smell of wood burning, the glow of the flames, and the direct heat. I also love cooking hotdogs and s'mores over an open flame.
5. The beach. I can't wait to make a trip to the beach some time soon to bask my pale body in the dangerous UVA/UVB rays. I love the sound of waves and seagulls, and feeling like I'm at the edge of the world with only the horizon before me. It makes me feel like I'm removed from any other stresses and issues in life... and that is a good feeling.
6. Fresh cut grass; I love the smell of fresh cut grass and hay in the summer time.
7. New clothes and shoes. Nothing makes me feel sexier than slipping into some new hot shorts or heels.
8. A good movie. I don't care if it is something that makes me cry, or something that makes me laugh. I love a movie that helps me step out of my own life for a couple of hours.
9. Sunsets. I love a beautiful pink, orange and red sky, especially if I have good company and/or a good drink in my hand.
10. Getting hit on. Even if the dude is an obvious douche bag, it's still flattering to be hit on as long as it's in a tasteful manner (no, catcalls on the street don't count... that's just disgusting).
11. Ice cream. Even though I will regret my decision to binge eat ice cream the following day, ice cream is just so damn delicious.
12. A clean apartment. It's so nice to have spotless floors, clean counter tops, lint-rolled furniture, and no dirty clothes in the hamper.
13. A good skin day. Nothing boosts my confidence quite like waking up with no blemishes to cover.
14. A good dinner out. I love dining out; it is so nice to be waited on and served and have someone else cleaning up and doing dishes. I never really appreciate this until I was a server.
15. Jeff Buckley on rainy days.
16. Making an awesome meal for family/friends or cooking an awesome meal with the person you love (I miss this).
17. Flowers. Whether it is a field of wild flowers upstate, rose bushes, or bouquets of cut flowers at the corner grocery, I love flowers.
18. A fresh manicure. Nothing makes me want to sing "I feel pretty, oh so pretty" like getting my nails did.
19. Days off. Nothing is better than waking up and knowing the whole day is yours to do whatever you please with.
20. Taking a cab as opposed to the smelly subway.
