I really need to try to think more positively. That is a new goal for this week. We will see how it goes. It's just hard to think positively when everything that could go wrong GOES wrong. Last night for example, I was late leaving for work, which is fine, because normally I show up to my shift 15 minutes early... but the Goddamn L train was running at spaced out intervals and took 15 minutes just to show up, and then honked it's horn as it blew threw, not even stopping at the Bedford Ave. platform. I couldn't wait another 15 min. for the next train to show up, so I blew $30 on a cab. The cab driver was insane and went like 100mph down West Side Highway, I felt lucky to be alive as I climbed out of the cab. LOL... shit like that just seems to happen to me all the time.
I quit my internship with Topix Media Lab after one day. They put me to work researching 'how to become an astronaut' and typing up a timeline on JFK. If I was getting paid, it'd be one thing, but as I sat there on the most beautiful, sunny day, working for free, I had an epiphany. I have done my fair share of unpaid work. I write for Renegade Chicks for no pay, but at least I have free reign over what I can write about- it is my own work, my own thoughts, and I get to express myself as an individual. I pick topics that are relevant to other woman my age, and It's work I feel good about. I don't care that I'm not making a single cent, because I like what I do for the site and feel as though I am making a small contribution to the site and its followers. As I sat at a desk all day basically copying other people's words and thoughts to compile into a timeline, and thought about the fact I wasn't even getting paid to be sitting there, I figured I was wasting precious time. I only felt slightly remorseful about resigning, but whatever. If they aren't willing to pay me, it's not worth it at this particular point in my life. Interns are a dime a fucking dozen in this city, so I'm sure they'll find lots of eager, kids straight out of college who can afford to work for free with no promise of even being hired at the end of the internship, because they have parents who pay their rent.
I heard back from Sleep No More, and they wanted to "hire" me for the summer internship in the costume department. Sleep No More is a legit and awesome show that everyone has heard of, however, the thought of working 4 days a week for no pay on top of working another job THAT actually does pay was a daunting thought. Especially in the summer when the weather is nice. I mean, last year I worked all fucking summer and missed out on my family vacation to Maine. That's never happening again. Besides, the intern position their sounded pretty pointless for someone such as myself who already has tons of unpaid costuming experience. The costumes are all already built, so basically I'd be responsible for doing laundry (fuck that shit... If I'm washing someone's scrubby, sweaty clothes, I better be getting paid), doing minor repairs (pointless- I am an excellent seamstress and want some challenging work), and laying out the actor's costumes before the show goes on each night. Sigh... I just want to do something I love doing AND get paid for it. I've been applying for other jobs non-stop. It's just such a vicious cycle... especially when half the 'jobs' you find are unpaid internships.
I'll end this post with some positive, thoughts (*sings* "When the dog bites, when the beee stinnnngs, when I'm feeeeeling ssaaaadddd, I simply remember my favorite things, and thennnn I don't feeeellll soooooo baaaaaaddddd!!!!!). hahahaha. It's almost time for the lilacs to bloom! My favorite flowers... this means I need to go upstate and get some greenery in my life ASAP to enjoy them before they've bloomed and fallen off. I have been determined to try to make lilac wine for the past three years (clearly inspired by Jeff Buckley's version of 'lilac wine'), so I would REALLY love to make an effort to follow through with this fantasy and try it. My book is nearing completion. I can definitely finish the first draft by the end of this month as long as I spend an hour a day writing. I am so lucky I have friends who have been putting up with me these past couple weeks (I've definitely been the worst version of myself I could possibly be) and they have yet to have abandoned me. Hopefully I climb out of this hole I'm in soon before I drive them away. lol. I am lucky my niece is so adorable, because cuddling her is better than cuddling ceely or Bijou, and that is really saying something. Plus despite the fact she is only 10 months old, she is hilarious. Despite the fact that Highline Ballroom is not always the most lucrative place to be employed, I work with truly awesome people... fun, down to earth, friendly people, and I am thankful for that. Plus I get to name drop and listen to awesome music and I find whenever I'm hostessing, I meet the coolest random people. haha. Hmmm.... oh, I'm also thankful the weather is warmer and laying out on the terrace is an option.
