Happy Slutoween!

Another halloween has come and gone.  I'm sitting here watching "Hocus Pocus" on ABC Family because I have nothing better to do, and once again I slaved away over a costume I never ended up wearing out (Fuck going out in a snow storm dressed in a tutu and heels....that was not going to happen).  I'm not even sure why I bother making costumes for Halloween anymore.  The last time I actually went out for Halloween was fall of 2009 when I was a Victoria's Secret Angel (what a joke, Ha!).  That was the only Halloween in my life where I thought I would capitalize on dressing slutty, and to be honest, my costume was pretty classy.  I wore high waisted underwear... my belly button wasn't even exposed.  I mean shit, a bra and underwear cover just as much as any bikini does!  I had a silk robe over my underwear, and wings I'd made myself (they later got stolen after I was forced to take them off and leave them outside of a crowded bar).  It would be just my luck that the one and only time I went out dressed like a slut, I was met with nasty remarks from bitches dressed even sluttier than myself... In retrospect, they were obviously just jealz.  Some bitch called me a 'slut,' (at that point I still had my V-card so her remark was pretty humorous, because she looked like the town bicycle), and my guy friend threatened to hit her so we were forced to leave the bar before further altercations could ensue.  I went out the next night after a party I had planned to attend was cancelled.  The girl I went out with wasn't really a close friend and she later ditched me at Sake Club to hunt down some guy she had a crush on.  I was alone and distressed when finally I found her again.  At that point she became ill so we had to make a trip to the ladies room, and then she scrawled on the bathroom door in a sharpie that "John Doe is a douche!" because apparently he left her alone for some other girl he was pursuing that night.   I wonder if I would still find her bathroom graffiti there today... :p  Last Halloween, I'd constructed a sick Little Red Riding Hood costume, but didn't end up wearing it out because my bf wasn't legal yet.  I did end up wearing that one to my birthday party this year, so at least I got some use out of it. haha.  This year, I was originally going to be a character from a cartoon show called The Venture Brothers; a Russian spy by the  name 'Molotov Cocktease.'  I mean, the similarities were uncanny.  She had red hair, I have red hair...she was a crazy bitch, I'm a crazy bitch... I love tight clothes, she loves tight clothes...

And yes, I have a flesh-colored leotard under this... not that it would matter If I didn't, because I've seen far more risque costumes.  

 But then a couple of weeks ago, I decided I wanted to be the Black Swan, because it would be fun, and a little less revealing. I made a costume, and even painted my face twice for a test run.  Alas, I did not go out this weekend due to the impromptu snowstorm.

I'm pretty happy I am not going out tonight however.  I probably gained 10 lbs this weekend between Jin, Crif Dogs, Rice Crispy Treats, and other unhealthy shit.  I am slightly sad however, that I won't get to see the abundance of truly, sloppy hos skanking it up in fishnets and booty shorts in 30 degree weather.  I hope they all get frostbite wear the sun don't shine for being so slutty and distasteful. hahahahaha.  JK.  I'd be slutty and distasteful too, if I had a safe, warm, house party to attend, and didn't have to step outside in next to nothing.  I'm sure a lot of girls will be sticking with the classics tonight... slutty animals, cowgirls, candy bars, the shit that teenage dreams are made of (and girls who lack creative minds can find on every halloween store shelf).  Feeling inspired after watching the Oh-so-ridiculous Sandra Lee Halloween special (I'm a Food Network junkie, if you didn't already know), I was inspired to play dress up.  Here are my takes on the Slutoween classics:

Slutty Fairy.  I made these wings myself, about six years ago, using wire coat hangers, and pantyhose... they are sick.

Slutty Cop... every sorority girl's fave. 

Playboy Bunny.  It really doesn't get much more classic than this!  Can you believe they sold this get-up at Claire's?!  A store for little girls for Christ's sake....  When I have kids (many years from now), they will dress like princesses or food items until they are 18.  

And of course... some slutty variation of Daisy Duke.  (Daisy Duke, white trash, MaryAnne from Gilligan's Island, a cowgirl... they're all the same).  

In other news, my sweet kittens are going in for surgery (spaying and neutering).  They're getting so big... probably because they get a full, English breakfast every day and multiple snacks when I'm not working ;p   I even made them an omelet for Breakie the other day.  I'm turning into a cat lady, I swear. haha.  Anyhoo, Bijou will slowly be transitioned inside our home after the operation on Thursday, since he loves affection and lets me pick him up and cuddle him.  Potpie is still very shy and has yet to let me touch her.  Maybe her surgery will make her more friendly, but she will either return home and continue to be an outdoor cat (with an elaborate shelter and twice daily meals) or perhaps we can find a loving home with no dogs for her to live in.  

Bijou as Bee Ji Herman...hahahaha.  He loves his basket! My sweet little gay boy ;p

And Potpie, looking regal on the rocks. haha.  She has such a cute face.  I just wish she'd let me pet her! How she does not get jealous when she sees me cuddling her brother I will never know.