This past weekend my BF came to visit and I enjoyed two days of heaven on earth, and forgot about the sad reality that is my current existence for a while. I haven't worked on my book in a while now, but I am on page 56 (single spaced) and will start work on it again this weekend. As previously stated, the book I'm writing is based on 8 years worth of journal entries spanning from about age 13 to 21. I'll throw in a little teaser for you bitches actually reading my crap blog:
7/26/01
I had dance tonight from 6:15-8:45. I was very tired, but only temporarily, and now I can't sleep. I feel really dumb keeping a journal, but oh well. Right now it's 11:30 pm. I hope I am moved up in a better ballet class, if I do well in summer dance. Right now I am thinking about going on a diet... well, ok, I need a diet. I am 5' 2" and a whopping 93 lbs. My goal is to lose 5 lbs. I hope 5'2" won't be my permanent height either. I wish I could shrink my bones; I have a large ribcage and it makes me look fat. I think I have skin cancer even though I'm only 13.
....... and here's a little more from waaaayyy later on (ps... this was the first entry I wrote, they get MUCH more exciting and ridiculous as the months and years progress, haha):
9/15/2007
I am always losing some sort of fighting battle. I had to spend $85 on a pair of jeans yesterday that make me look fatter than I already am. They're size 28... WAIST SIZE 28. MY WAIST IS FUCKING 24 INCHES, but because my ass is sooo huge (along with my thighs) I couldn't fit in any lower sizes. Pathetic. I was forced to by these expensive jeans by my domineering roommate, Katie, because she works at Bloomingdales in SoHo, and had a "super" discount she's been raving to me about for the past 6 months I've known her. Well, you know what Katie? Unlike you, I don't get $300 spending money from my parents every week. I don't care if the jeans were originally $220 before the discount, $85 jeans still aren't in my budget. Furthermore, I had to spend $25 on cab fare because I was running late and got lost, and then $20 on a subway card back, because I had no smaller bills and the fucking machine wouldn't take my debit. In addition to this, Katie requested that I make dinner (and I thought I would, because I love cooking, and because she constantly picks up shit for me like $12 jars of Nutella, even though I tell her explicitly not to do so). So, I went out of my way to make her stirfry.... I rushed home from Williamsburg where I helped my sister carry heavy-ass carpets for her new living room (through town, down subways, all over NYC, until I was sweating like the pig I am). Katie and I were supposed to go out to the movies last night, but she had to work late. Tonight, she also came home late, and despite the fact I slaved away in our tiny kitchen to make her supper, that bitch decided to eat fucking honey nut cheerios. Then her obnoxious friend, Ernest, came over, and while I laid in bed waiting to turn off the lights and sleep, the sat there shooting the shit about FUCKING FASHION until 1:30 am. Oh, and earlier when I told my sister, Laura, the story of the 28 jeans and 24 waist, she proceeds to fucking try and manipulate the steel tape measure around my waist and tells me I'm "at least a 25." Bitch, I have on THREE layers of clothing right now, and have period bloat... and that's a steel tape measure. Then later on she was looking at me with that one look she gives when I know she's about to make a comment about the way I look, and she says, "You know Lily, Maybe you should try parting your hair on the side." Bitch, I know exactly what you're thinking... I'm a balding donkey and my face is so ugly I can't pull off a middle part. Well, I tried parting my hair on the side, FYI, and I look like even more of a balding donkey, due to my receeding hairline, giant fivehead, and my ugly face being even more exposed. So, I finally go to bed with the intent of never getting up again and laying there until I dehydrate and die, when Laura calls me seriously 5 times in a row, with 3 texts thrown in for good measure. christ. I had to drag my ass out of bed at like 12 am, to send a text letting her know, I was in fact, still alive. I am still in my pj's as I write this, with no intention of ever eating again.
This entry actually goes on for a couple more pages, but shit gets real serious and I'm not ready to share the serious bits until the book is in it's entirety. I'd also like to throw out there that all names have been changed for privacy purposes (even though if you know me and my life, you'll most likely know who everyone is, despite the name changes). I'd also like to throw out there that the entry I posted from FIT was a rough time in my life... I'm pretty sure I had body dysmorphia (which I partially grew out of). hahaha. I'd also like to say, that the aforementioned jeans in the previous entry now hang on me and can be pulled off without unfastening the button or unzipping... and my eating habits are way healthier today than they were 4 years ago. I'd also like to throw out there that I love my sister, and she always wants what's best for me... I'm just a highly emo, sensitive girl, and take everything someone says to me and find offense in it. lol. Sigh, some things never change :p
Anyhow, back to reality. Yesterday I made caramel, candy encrusted apples to send to my bf. I made the caramel myself (using butter, brown sugar, condensed milk, and corn syrup) and had to sample numerous times to make sure it was good. I also had to sample the nuts, chocolate/white chocolate/peanut butter chips I threw onto the coated apples. In doing so, I will most likely suffer a severe acne breakout starting tomorrow. I am going to be spending Halloween in the city this year, and found the perfect costume... perfect because it's super sexy (you know I like that), very individual ( no other sluts will be dressed like me), and the character is sooooo like me in many ways (vicious, teasing, seductive). lol. I'm going to be Molotov Cocktease from "The Venture Brothers" :
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OMJ6Q-8jnzk
I already have the essential elements of the costume, and no, I probably won't have my bodysuit ripped open quite as wide as the character's, because I don't want any nip-slips. But I am very excited :D
