I'm sure I piss a lot of people off with a lot of things. I constantly critique myself and others, I make weird noises and talk in strange voices/dialects, I constantly fix my hair, I bite my nails, I crack my knuckles, I like to wear one too many layers of mascara, and many more things. However, there are certain types of people who really make me want to smack them when I see them. Working in a mall at a cosmetic counter, one witnesses an abundance of people walk by on a daily basis. Out of the hundreds of people I see going by every day, I'd say I want to smack at least 20 or so.
1. Parents/caretakers who push grown kids around in strollers. I'm sorry, but a perfectly capable five or six year old knows how to walk, and needs exercise. I understand pushing 3 and maybe even 4 year olds around because it's easier than keeping an eye on them while you shop around, but a 7 year old?! You've got to be kidding. If your kid is physically able, and does not have existing, impediment mental health issues, why isn't that child up on his feet? You're just setting him/her up to be a lazy, potentially obese, and totally annoying adult. You can't push that lil' f*cker around forever. He/she will grow up to be overly dependent on you to wipe their ass for life... you'll end up doing their laundry until they turn 45, and they will always get talked about behind their backs by friends. What a disservice.
2. Tweens who have never been taught right from wrong and act like little fuckwits as a result of mommy/daddy's lack of proper upbringing. I'm not sure what's wrong with the majority of 11-15 year olds today, but clearly their parents never taught them manners or how to conduct themselves in public. So many of them act the fool in the mall, wandering around like hooligans in unsupervised groups. I'm sorry, if you're old enough to be alone with friends in a mall, you're also old enough to know how to act. I see these little punks climb on automated kiddie rides in groups of 3-4 to have their friends snap pics. You're not cute, and your grown ass is exceeding the weight limit for a toy that is intended for a single, 4 year old to ride. I can only hope these kids have retail jobs someday and have to pick up the store/merchandise after a group of unruly 12 year olds try shit on, take mirror pics, and then discard said merchandise onto the floor. On a different note, if your child is mentally unstable enough to sit at a makeup counter and smear lipstick all around her mouth, and I notice she has crayola paints plastered ALL over her face, it's probs not a good idea to let her ride her bike alone to the mall.
3. Ghetto men who hit on me, while I'm trying to do my job, and make me feel uncomfortable in front of co-workers. Yes, it's flattering, but it's more annoying than anything. Most of them are drug dealers, I'm convinced (they have grills and wear more bling and FUBU than any guy should). Does it look like I want to talk to you? Do you hear me speaking in sentences that would further promote the conversation you're trying to start? NO... so get the fuck away from me. I don't like to be sexually harassed on the job. Yes, my shoes are hot... jealous? Jesus Christ. One day I had some guy ask me if my leggings were "painted on" while I walked back from my lunch break. Dumb fuck. They're called leggings for a fucking reason, they're thick tights that hug your body; besides, my ass was completely covered by a dress over top of said leggings. I've had one guy, who must be extremely high every time I've seen him, repeatedly ask me out, despite the fact I told him I had a boyfriend. I would think it would be humiliating to ask someone out multiple times, only to be turned down, and keep coming back for more. Must be he's too high to remember.
4. Girls wearing totally inappropriate clothing for the time of day and time of year. I don't care how tiny your long, 14 year old legs are. I don't care how toned your 23 year old, tanned legs are. You DO NOT wear a body-con, mini during the day in October. Especially not with heels. Are you going to have a drink and try to score at the mall? Didn't think so. There is a time and a place for everything. Lord knows I love me some body-con minis and tight dresses... but they are worn at night, and with tights when the weather gets cold. I get stared at enough just wearing pants, I can't imagine the kind of negative attention wearing that shit in a mall would get you. I feel so grossed out when I see dirty old men do double takes to stare at the asses of 13 year old girls walking by. Sigh. If they only knew who was looking perhaps they would wear something a bit more appropriate. And just to reiterate, I am a feminist who totally believes that a girl SHOULD ideally be able to wear whatever she wants without eliciting cat calls and getting harassed, but like I said, certain clothing really is only appropriate for 'going out' purposes.
5. Moms that try to look as young as their 16 year old daughters. Let me start off by saying, I'm all for being a stylish, trendy, and youthful looking mother. I hope to be stylish many years from now when I have a kid of my own (granted I'll probs be like 35). However, I feel that there is such thing as dressing for your age. I'm not saying that once you reach 35/40 you should be uber conservative or boring. Far from it in fact. By then hopefully you have acquired enough tastes and resources to splurge on trendy clothes for yourself. I'm just trying to say that no mom should dress like a teeny bopper. You'd be surprised how many times I thought a girl/boy was shopping with their best friend/girlfriend, and as the pair approached, could tell by the face that one party of the shopping duo, was in fact, a parent. I don't know why it's fashionable to bleach your hair, tan your leathery skin, and wear pants so low riding I can see your cesarean scar and nasty 90s tramp stamp, when you are a mom shopping with your 15 year old. You're tits are pushed up like a high school sophomore who just discovered Victoria's Secret bombshell bra, but the thing is, they have age spots, and are leathered from years of laying under UV light. Gross, gross, and gross. The other day when it was particularly warm for October, I actually saw a mother with her 4 children shopping in the men's department. Girlfriend had a sick body, and was ultra tiny... but who the fuck in their right mind wears a belly shirt unless they're vacationing somewhere tropical, or hanging out in the summer? Yeah, that's right. This woman was wearing a belly shirt... the kind that ends a couple inches above the navel. I saw her trashy belly ring and her trashy tramp stamp. I mean, I'd probably want to show off my stomach too if I'd pushed out for kids and it was still that flat. But in a fucking department store? I don't think so. She looked like the kind of WT epitomized by Sarah Jessica Parker in that Lifetime movie, "In the best Interest of the Children" (if you've never seen it and you're a girl, omg, you have to watch). lol
4. People with obnoxious plastic surgery. I'm all for plastic surgery if it can enhance what you have, give you something you weren't born with, make your self-esteem increase, or correct features that were disfigured in an accident. However, people with fake DDD cups who neglected to also plump up their flat buns were seriously misguided. Just because your tits are huge doesn't make you hot, honey. You look like you're going to topple over since there is nothing going on behind to even that front load out. One night, I saw what I thought was a girlfriend and boyfriend shopping for perfume together. The girl was dressed in pink, Juicy, booty shorts, and a tight, pink T-shirt. She was extremely thin, with no buns, and bleached hair. I thought it was a gangly teenager. Until she turned around. OMG. The biggest, fakest tatas I'd ever seen. And that face was NOT 16. That was the face of rode hard, put away wet stripper. It was the boy's mom. She had inflated, duck lips to go along with the inflated tits. I'm sorry, everything within reason. I mean, If I were completely flat, I might desire breast implants myself. But when you go over the top, you look like a joke. The other day, I saw a different woman shopping for perfume. She was built like a snooki/troll, and had that nasty, white-blonde hair (that only looks good on people who are born with it, like Swedes, and Albinos). When she turned around, I thought I was looking into the face of a duck billed platypus. YIKES. Why would you do that to yourself? I completely understand that people suffer from body dysmorphic disorder, but you'd think someone would intervene.
5. Pervy, old men. I had two drunk guys come up to me once and request about a billion cologne samples. I could tell they were drunk because of the alcohol fumes being emitted into the air around them, their red faces, and the way that they kept saying they were brothers and "not gay" when hugging each other and joking about how good they smelled. While I checked them out the lustily stared me up and down, making me feel gross and wanting to bolt. One of them asked if I was single (which always pisses me off after I hear a man talking about/mentioning his wife beforehand), I said no. The other guy practically bellowed "you think a girl with a body as tight as that is going to be single?" Eeewwwwwwwwwwwwwwww. So gross. It's always disturbing when you're dressed totally work appropriate (that is to say, not wearing super tight, short, or low cut clothing) and some older man walks by and leers at you in an aggressive, overtly sexual manner. This happened last week, and when that same guy walked back through the cosmetic counters about 45 minutes after he'd initially walked past, he gave me the same look, and said with "I like your lipstick baby." Baby? WHO THE FUCK are you calling baby you fucking creep. Ugh. I'm just as offended when I see men looking at other women like this, especially young girls. Sure there are a lot of little girls dressing inappropriately today, but the men who leer at them are disgusting. One time I saw what I thought was a young hipster skateboarding through Williamsburg, his tight jeans and lean body drew me in. As I grew closer and realized I had been ogling a 15 year old boy, I felt disgusting and pervy despite the fact that I was only like 20 at the time. How can someone be so blatant in staring at what are clearly very under-age girls and be o.k. with it? Fucking gross.
I'm sure there are many more people I'm failing to mention here. But these types really make me want to slap a bitch/bastard.
