Now that summer is in full swing, things seem to be looking up. I'm not planning on getting complacent, because I doubt this high will last (they never do), but I will enjoy every good moment for what it is worth. I have a job lined up for this fall (99% sure... I'm banking on absolutely nothing 100% until papers are signed), but it definitely gives me something to look forward to and has put part of my mind at ease (the part constantly worrying whether or not I should stay in NYC and renew my lease). I had a decent week at Highline so I treated myself to some American Apparel trash and new sneakers from Urban. It's a good thing I purchased them when I did, because I threw out three pairs of shoes in the last week. My favorite Espadrilles bit the dust one day when the entire sole detached from the wedge. My suede Vans that were once white, had turned a dingy shade of grey, so they got chucked, and then my pink, cheapo sneakers got the chuck after they tore my feet up for the last time. Just another excuse to go shopping! Why oh why oh why do I love clothes SO much? I just wish I could play dress up all day, every day. This is exactly why a costume shop is where I belong....
I am so excited to go upstate next weekend for my niece's one year birthday party (we're celebrating her birthday in the city this weekend, but next weekend will be family!!!!). I miss my sweet Bijou and Ceely so much, and am dying for some peach sangria with my friends. Hopefully I won't regress back into another upstate binge since I just ended a six-week binge and am finally back on track to recovering my body after drowning my sorrows in alcohol and San Loco at 4am.
Finally starting to see my man-V again. It was missing for a while there. And no, I don't work out. I just stopped eating after 8pm, because late night dining was bringing me down.
I was playing in my closet when I decided that next year for Halloween, I'm going to be a Spanish Seductress. I bought this from Victoria's Secret two years ago and have yet to wear it.
I'm surprised that Victoria's secret didn't have to pull this costume because it's offensive to Spaniards... they had to pull the Japanese inspired one from the site last year after too many Asians complained.
Despite the fact that I've been wearing less clothes than ever now that the weather is warm and treating myself to the highest of heels, I have been on a real feminist kick lately. I don't know what spurred it; probably the fact that every Saturday night I get hit on by douche bag jersey-shore trash while I do door hostessing at Highline. It's so sad the way that some dudes think that because they're mildly attractive and compliment you that they think that they'll be able to take you home if they invite you out for drinks. The new video for that song "Blurred Lines" really pissed me off too, not to mention the song's lyrics. I know a true feminist strives for equality, but sometimes a violent, suppressed part of me really wants to retaliate by making a music video where I talk about degrading a dude during sex (that he may or may not want in the first place) and making him parade around naked while I sit there taking in the beauty of his naked body while I remain fully-clothed. It's just that I feel like there is this continual perpetuation of rape culture in today's world, and it is reaffirmed over and over again by simple things like song lyrics or common jokes or things we see on the internet. Yes the song is catchy, and yes, everyone is welcome to freedom of speech, but as a woman who has been put in situations I did not necessarily condone in the past, I hate the idea of a guy saying he knows that 'someone wants it.'
As a woman, I have been in situations time and time again where I was just being myself and someone made assumptions that were incredibly inaccurate. Just because I am making out with you, doesn't mean I 'want it.' Just because I invite you in so you can take a piss, doesn't mean 'I asked for it." I think maybe I just need a chill pill. Society just infuriates me so much sometimes. I also hate how it has become normal for guys to refer to girls as bitches amongst the members of my generation. To me, the term 'bitch,' is like the N-word is for black people. Like, if a friend calls me a bitch in a joking manner (ex. "where my bitches attttttt"), then it is acceptable. Or, if I was truly acting like a nasty person and someone was like, "why are you acting like such a bitch?" it'd be one thing; but for guys to openly refer to women as 'bitches'... it's just not ok. Oh well. I guess the fact that there are musical artists out there like Lil' Kim and Khia talking about dudes as purely sexual objects, compensates somewhat for all of the songs by male artists where women are made out to be purely sex objects.
I started getting very nostalgic a few days ago when I was on facebook and looking at photos from Cliff Street. I miss having my girl friends in the same town so we can hang out nightly. I also miss throwing outrageous parties. Being an adult is not all I thought it was going to be when I was young. I just wish I could go back to acting like a wild child for a few weeks and get it out of my system. Seeing my former self dancing on a stripper pole in my living room, throwing a white trash themed party, and generally being out of of control makes me think that it is time for me to get a little bit out of control. It's just so hard to get out of control when you aren't living with your best friends whom will keep you in check if you take it too far. I'm tempted to post pictures... but there is a reason those tagged photos are private on FB. Pretty sure my friends would not want there faces splashed about my blog either since they all have fairly respectable jobs. ahahahaha. Ugh. Maybe at the end of summer, I will throw a blow out party at home. There will be tubs of home made sangria, jungle juice, far too much vodka, colored lights, a huge fire, and the resurrection of Jasper (he currently resides in a plastic tub underneath my bed upstate, along with the vintage David Bowie photograph, a few very special wine bottles, and other cliff street mementos). That is something to look forward to.... :D I know I should be proud of myself for having not thrown up or cried after drinking in a long time... but part of me misses the time in my life where that was a normal occurrence. Watch out world... I'm feeling wild.
