Does anyone else have days where they wake up emo for no apparent or justifiable reason? Today I had one of those days... the kind of day when every song you hear during the morning commute either makes you sad, nostalgic for happier/more carefree days, or utterly hopeless. You can't put your finger on it, but everything bothers you and makes you want to cry. Dead animals on the road make your eyes water with tears, that song from 'Free Willy' (the theme song, written my Michael Jackson) makes you cry. Even that homo-erotic song "How to Save a Life," by the Fray, makes you want to cry. You don't know if you'll make it through another day at work because you hate it so much, even though you only have one more week left at said place of employment, and so you scream out loud "I FUCKING HATE WORK!!!" in your car and contemplate driving back home. The kind of day where every foul, bitch-faced customer you wait on is THAT much closer to putting you over the edge of sanity. The kind of day where all you want is to go home to your bf, but you can't because he's 300 miles away, you don't live together, and you don't know when you'll see him again because you're starting a new job and can't request any days off for a while. The kind of day where you miss your Grandma, even though she's been dead for over a year. The kind of day where everyone picks on you, and you don't know what you've done wrong. The kind of day where you justify eating an entire Dove Chocolate bar for breakfast in the hopes it will boost your mood, but then you just feel fat. That's the day I'm having.
I mean, I've had far worse days in my life. Faaaarrrr worse days, which for the purposes of this blog, shan't be further discussed. But today was one of those days where you contemplate throwing in the towel and just doing what your little heart desires; saying 'fuck it' to work, responsibilities, and whatever else is going on in your life and driving those 300 miles just so you can cuddle your bf. I'm not taking life for granted- life is going moderately well for me right now. It's just that the little annoyances in life adding up and driving you towards a breaking point. I have a good life; I don't pay bills, I am starting a new job with far superior pay to my current one, I have plans to move to the city by February, I have friends and family I can count on, and a boyfriend who puts up with my crazy ass. But when you will have worked 12 days in a row with no day off (as of next week), don't have plans to see your boyfriend anytime soon because of conflicting work schedules, haven't seen your two best friends in over a month due to work schedules, hate your current job with a passion, and every smug couple walking by is like a slap in the face reminding you you're going home to a couple of feral cats instead of the one person you miss most, life can be a bit overwhelming. Especially when not only have you had a chocolate bar for breakfast (hey, it's excusable if you have your P), but then you eat a shit ton of Chinese food for dinner, and just know you will wake up bloated and thus, looking like an 11 year old in the face (believe me, I'm not exaggerating, salt makes me blow up and look 11). I haven't worked on my book in almost two weeks, because I got to a really depressing part of my life in the journals and it was bringing me down even remembering what life was like at that point. I should probably start writing again, so I can finish this book by January.
I am the most boring person ever these days. I remember when I used to be social 5 nights out of 7. Now, I'm lucky if I'm social two times a month. What has happened to me? That is the singular aspect of college I miss. Drinking wine on a Wednesday. Throwing outrageous, costume parties and wearing next to nothing. Good times.... where have they gone? I mean, I guess I've gotten substantially healthier from not consuming so many calories in alcohol each week. But damn. Now when I go out, everyone pisses me off. The dumb sluts with their flabby ass cheeks exposed wearing dress that they really don't deserve to wear, the dumb bitches acting like trash and dry-humping dirty guidos on the dance floor, the douche bags who like those skanks and think they are demi-gods because they hit the gym daily, gross, gross, gross. I get so emo when I drink under these conditions, it's intolerable. Speaking of intolerable, I am pretty much alcohol intolerant in my advanced age. I'm buzzed after one glass of wine, and drunk after two. If I have three, I'm projectile vomiting across my bed and crying because my stomach hurts... what happened to the days where I could drink an entire bottle to my face and only be moderately hungover the next day? They're gone.
