I hate NYC

I hate NY.  I hate this city.  I love this city too, but only sometimes.  Less often do I find myself in love with it than loathing the fact that I live here.  I have a love-hate relationship with this shitty, fucking awful, dirty, filthy, disgusting hell hole.  I think if I had a better job, perhaps I wouldn't hate it as much as I do at times.  Or, if I had a car and more money and could get away every couple of weeks as opposed to every couple of months, I might appreciate it more.  As much as I hate New York, I do love a handful of things in this life.  I do love Jack White, and David Bowie... and coffee.  I love slutty clothes.  And wine.  And drugs.  And sunshine.  I love expensive cheese, heels over 6 inches tall, and big hats.  I love days off.  I hate work though... immensely.  I love myself (sometimes). I hate a lot of people.  I'm filled with hate today (and most days).  I look inside myself and see my heart is black. I see a line of cars and they're all painted black...  I love the Rolling Stones.. I also love the Doors.  I hate the music of today. I hate Taylor Swift.  I love my family. I love my boyfriend.  I love my friends.  I hate my boyfriend's job.  I hate my job more though.  The combination of our jobs is why we're lucky if we have one day a week off together... it's the reason I work on weekends and am currently sitting here alone because he is working like 72 hours straight and since it's Memorial day weekend, all of my friends are out of town or they're working.  I wish someone would ride in on a white horse and tell me they'll pay for me to live comfortably for the rest of my days with no expectations of sex or love in return... I wish I would get rich myself actually and then just never really work again.  I would just do things I love that may or may not be financially successful endeavors- but none of that would matter if I had money already.

I think I might be the only 27 year old in this city who doesn't have facial fillers yet.  I swear to fucking God, every single bitch has their lips done and already has started botoxing.  I fear I'm beginning to look really old.  It's really sad.  But at least I'm not full of injectibles and fake as fuck.  Sigh.  I wonder if you were making out with a girl with lip filler and you bit her lip too hard if they'd leak out into your mouth and you could taste them?  Gross.  I wonder what will happen to humans who had injectibles 40 years from now... will they cause cancer in their face?  I know.. I'm morbid.

What am I doing here anyhow?  I think I should move to Maine.  I need trees, and silence, and animals, and clean air.  I need the ocean, and mountains, and normal people who are down to Earth.  I don't think I'm suited for this lifestyle.  I can't take the filth anymore... the unclean air infiltrating my fragile lungs and polluting my mental sanity.  I can't take the homeless people screaming on the subways, or the fat fucks who take up three subway seats with one obese body.  The fat people who are fat because they take the subway elevator instead of marching their asses up the stairs.  The Russian gold digging prostitutes hanging around Tao and Meatpacking in general (gimme coke and I suck you're dick in the men's room babyyyy), the blonde, blown-out sluts blowing lines in the Ladies room and hooking  up with the gross dudes buying bottles and working in finance.  Living in NYC has turned me into a monster.  I think I always had the propensity to be a mean bitch, but this city has truly brought out the worst side of me at times.

This is me being a mean bitch ^

 I want to run naked on a yard of grass where no one will see me, and I can feel the sunshine on my skin.  I want to lay on a deck and listen to birds and see animals in my yard, not filthy pigeons in a concrete courtyard where two scumbags are smoking from a crack pipe (yes that happened last week). I'm tired of paying $4 for a fucking iced coffee.  I'm tired of paying $2.75 for a ride on a subway train that runs correctly only 40% of the time.

What do I love about my job?  NOTHING... except that sweet employee discount :D crochet bikini for only $16?  Yes please... this would have cost like $80 from Victoria's Secret.

The only things I truly love about this city are that I am able to be myself.  I can go out with 6 inch heels to a party, I can wear crop tops casually walking to the store, I can be wild, I can be free, and even in doing all of that, I am still considered "normal" here in New York.  I can party any night of the week and I can meet people who feel and think the way I feel and think.   I can eat any type of cuisine I can think of...  I have a pharmacy that is open 24 hours.  I am bored voluntarily sometimes by my own accord, but I never actually HAVE to be bored here, because there is always something going on.  I can go to a museum, a concert, a bar with live music, an EDM/deephouse club on a Sunday night... I can do groceries at 11pm.  I have opportunities galore even if they aren't exactly calling me right now. I am not expected to be married with a kid by the time I'm 30 years old here.  The possibilities are infinite as are the people I can meet.  I am happy to say that as miserable as this city can be on a bad day, I have made some great friends since moving here.  

This blog is just all over the place.  Kind of like my crazy eyes (yeah... you know it's true.. Demi Moore's childhood photo has nothing on mine).  I really want a double-decker hotdog right now.  I wish I had the photo of me that's somewhere out there shoving a double decker hotdog into my mouth last year in Woodstock... it's a real beaut ;)  I've been sitting here for the past two hours sending obnoxious snapchats to my friend, listening to Jack White radio on Pandora, and contemplating the meaning of my existence.  Naturally because I'm bored as fuck, I've consumed two bowls of pasta with pork meatballs and an icecream sandwich to seal the deal.  Good thing I walked like 5 miles today.  I want vodka now.  And hotdogs.  I thought about becoming a vegan the other night after watching yet another heart wrenching ASPCA commercial... it just makes me so sad that I think about refuting all products involved with animal captivity.  Then I remember how much I love meat.  

I'm going to have to go wild tomorrow to compensate for this lame weekend I've had. 

I love Dominos.. and Champagne... and Not working.

Just getting over a really nasty Spring cold and still feeling like I could sleep for about three days straight.  I was pretty sure that I had both dysentery and pneumonia at one point a couple of days ago, but my body has stopped aching like I was a geriatric, arthritis patient, and I no longer sound like I have emphysema when I breathe or laugh, so that's a sign of sure improvement.  I'm pretty sure a crazy night of partying last week was really what put me over the edge, coupled with erratic work schedule (working 4pm-2ams and then having to be back at 11am... NOT OK).  Speaking of last week,  I've never seen anyone who partied so hard or spent so much money in one night... It's a good thing I'm not rich because I'd probably be dead within a month if I lived that lifestyle.  I think the dominos I had for dinner last night, along with the pistachio latte I made for breakfast helped (yes, ladies and gentlemen- I ran out of cream/half&half so I was forced to put a scoop of pistachio icecream into my morning cup of coffee... I call it the "Pistachio Late").  

I am off next week for a "staycation," and even though I wanted to do nothing but relax and apply to jobs, my week is now pretty much booked solid with obligations and appointments.... oh well, at least I won't be bored.   I will be going home for one night just for a re-scheduled doctors appointment, and then coming back here for a couple of fun-filled nights with my niece.   I'm watching her overnight one of the nights, and am thinking of all of the fun things we can do during the day.  Hopefully the weather is nice!  I am also trying to hit up the beach if it's nice at some point during the week, and plan a girls night with copious amounts of wine and cheese.  I just know that I'm going to be ecstatic to be away from work for a week :D :D :D :D ... Now, if only we can make that a lifetime away from work.... ;)

Why can't I just be rich so that I can open a restaurant and spend my days cooking and planning vacations and parties?  I am a different person when I'm not going into the job that I hate.  I should be this better version of myself always.  For the good of my boyfriend, family, and for the good of humanity...

I am also going to spend the next week off gearing up for Woodstock...  I cannot wait!!!! :D

My summer concert uniform.  Mollister THOT shorts (aka "festival" shorts), Jeffrey Campbell Lita Twos (the bigger, taller, better version of the original Lita bootie), and a crop top cropped by yours truly...  And no, I will not sport the pigtails in public because that is a definite NO-NO unless your a child under the age of 7 or a porn star. 

My fake tan looks orange.  I am an oompa loompa.  How come no matter how expensive the fake tanner is it just comes out stripy or orange???? Like, what is ghostly pale girl to do?! I can't risk skin cancer and wrinkles by real-tanning.  And I sure as hell don't want to be pasty white all summer long.  Everyone knows that a woman looks healthier, thinner, and more toned with some color. PS... I love that Mollister now carries all of the slut clothes for summer previously only found for inflated prices at Urban Outfitters.