All I want for Christmas is a new job. That's all I've wanted for the past three Christmas's that I've spent in New York. I guess it's a lot to ask for and that's why I am still where I am despite daily online job searches, countless interviews, numerous revisions to my resume, and a number of friends and family stepping in with suggestions or possible job leads. I'm starting to think I am cursed. Do I have something wrong with me that renders me un-hirable? I must... I really must. But I don't know what it is.... maybe it's the cystic acne on my chin that has only gotten worse in the past three months that I've been stressed out. I have taken a very proactive approach to my job search. I am personable and feel like I look presentable at interviews. I have a decent amount of experience. I'm smart, I'm creative, I'm talented... do I have some physical deformity that everyone can see but myself? Maybe that's why I am not getting hired.
Am I going to be 30 years old and still a retail manager? Not if I can help it. I will probably end my life before it gets to that point. I'd rather be a stripper before it gets to that point because at least then I'd have some cash to show for it. Besides, the company I work for will fire me before I get old and unattractive since I will no longer fit their "look policy." I hope that my next job doesn't make me hire people on a basis of how they look... I feel so immoral and unethical every day of my life.
According to my mother, this blog and my social media presence is the reason I am not getting hired. That makes absolutely no sense though seeing as how this blog isn't even searchable under my real name and seeing as how the only way anyone can access or even know about it is if I provide a direct link. Also, aside from some selfies and the occasional F-bomb, I'm not sure why this blog would dissuade anyone from hiring me. I'm not a racist, I'm not a bigot, I'm not talking about my sex life, I'm not talking about drug use, I'm not posting nude photos, I'm not a prostitute, I'm not a stripper... I'm just me. I'm not applying for a job in a lawyers office or even a doctor's office. I'm not running for a political position, applying for a government or military position, or even applying for a job at a stuffy corporate office. So regardless of whether or not a potential employer ever even did stumble upon this blog, there is no reason evident here as to why I should not be hired or employed. I even did a google search of myself and like nothing comes up. No racy photos, no nothing. My mother's paranoia is rubbing off on me though and I'm starting to doubt everything.
Everyone I know under the age of 30 posts far worse material than me on very public social media sites. At least I don't post political propaganda, photos of myself in lingerie or pasties (half the women living in the city seem to have photos like this), comments about my sex life, photos of my lover in bed with me, or photos of bongs and weed like half the people I am friends with on facebook do. My facebook profile is private. I seriously don't know where my mom gets off saying that. Furthermore, I would hope anyone reading this blog is more apt to relate to me than anything else. I'm not a boring, drone with a boring life. I'm sorry I'm a real person with a real life and a real personality. If that dissuades people from hiring me than great- they're probably not the people I want to be working with.
I'm a hard worker, punctual, diligent, amicable, I work hard, I don't slack off or call out unless I am truly sick. I have great references, my co-workers and employees respect me. I don't get it. I just don't know anymore. Maybe I should be a boring person with no life, no color, no personality, just facts on paper. I'm so frustrated. Seriously. Two years I've been looking to get out of retail and I'm still a slave to it. I would almost rather be a server with no health benefits right now, because If I'm going to continue working at a job that doesn't creatively or intellectually stimulate or challenge me, I might as well be making more money and have more flexible hours doing so.
Maybe I'm ugly. That must be it. I must be really ugly.
Oh well, I had a dermatology appointment today and am going back on a brand new medication that not only cures acne, but is also a diuretic so hopefully my chin will clear up and I'll be looking super thin. Awesome.
My boyfriend and I celebrated Christmas pre-maturely and unwrapped each others gifts the other night. I am the proud owner of some awesome new shoes. Sigh. If only I could have unwrapped a new job offer....
My new kicks :) :D :D :D Yes, I'm that girl posting bragging photos of my new shoes. Go ahead and talk shit about it. I would do the same...
Is this photo too sexy? At least I don't have fake boobs or am displaying them in a push up bra like 80% of the other girls I know or walking around in a corset and latex booty shorts and posting the photos on my instagram account... Sorry if this photo is offending anyone... I know it's super vulgar.
Cheese... my only salvation in these darkest and most uncertain of days.... also probably one of the main sources of the cystic acne on my chin. Oh well.
