Indian Summer

It's so nice outside for being mid-October.  I probably shouldn't be holed up inside my apartment guzzling coffee and listening to Metallica in the dark corner where my computer sits when it's 73 degrees and sunny outside, but that is exactly what I'm doing.  I have had Halloween on the brain for the last two days- It's my favorite time of year (apart from August).   I am building my niece's princess costume from scratch (pictures to follow- I can't wait... I haven't sewn anything since last year's Halloween costume).  I have also had Tim Burton films running on loop on my tv while I've been home the past two days, and have been playing with costuming make up just for fun (and because I was bored).

What's wrong with me???...  A LOT.

 I am still not 100% sure what I'm doing for Halloween.  I imagine since I did not specifically request the day off or even the proceeding day off (Nov. 1st), I'm sure I'll get shafted and stuck with the shittiest shifts for both days.  I can 100% guarantee I will be closing on Halloween and at work until 10pm, and I can also 100% guarantee I will be opening the next morning at 8am.  You think that's going to stop me from having fun?  You think working shitty hours has even stopped me from having fun before?  FUCK NO.  If anything, it angers me to the point where I will party just to spite everyone else.  This is the girl who stays out until 5am when she has to be back to work and sober in 4 hours.  It's totally doable as long as you keep the drinking to a minimum and guzzle coconut water like it's oxygen.  That being said, maybe this Halloween will be like every other Halloween and I'll end up having this sick costume and not going anywhere just like the previous 5 years of my life.  The last 5 Halloween were ruined due to snow, more snow, friends bailing, and working until 4am.   NOT THIS YEAR.  I'm also determined to make this New Year's Eve better than every other New Years eve that ever sucked ballz.  I've never actually had a good New Year's Eve (I know- cry me a river bitch).  Last year was supposed to be good- I bought tickets to an after hours party at Output since my bf and I were both working, but I ended up getting almost crushed to death at work, and subsequently also getting tanked to deal with the shit-show that was NYE at Highline.  I'm going big or going home this year ( I don't think I'm actually going home for New Years, but you know, maybe I actually will go home if I can't go big here in the city).

I did a full on test-run for my Axl Rose costume.  I think I really need the tattoos to complete it and make it legit ( I mean, it's not exactly legit to begin with I suppose, since Axl definitely didn't have his entire stomach on display).  I also don't think Axl wore 5" booties, but hey, when you're the size of a teacup poodle, you do whatever it takes to look taller.

You know where you are? You're in the jungle baby, you're gonna diiiiieeeee!!!! 

Please excuse my beat up knee caps... I had a most unfortunate accident one night after a few glasses of rose at Extra Fancy when I decided it was a good idea to practice running in six-inch wedges.  Today I ripped the scab off when I hit my knee on the desk so it's even worse now. 

In addition to the tattoos I will be requiring on both arms, perhaps I should carry around a bottle of liquor for added effect.  Hmm.. maybe not. I forgot that open container laws still apply on Halloween ;) 

As usual, I've spent my last couple of days off writing, and consuming massive quantities of cheese.  I've also been consuming massive quantities of Cheetos, which I've repeatedly asked my bf not to bring into my apartment because I LITERALLY can NOT control myself.  I am like a crackhead is to a crack-rock when it comes to a bag of Cheetos.  I can not resist.  And I can not stop once I get a taste.  I will eat the whole bag over the course of a day.  It's a wonder that I haven't turned orange yet from the food dye.

Gorgonzola Dolce... heaven.  Better than heaven actually.  And this is the result of my gorgonzola consumption:

You see how the cleft of my chin is distorted?  I look like fucking Jay Leno.  That my friends is a blemish so large that it's distorted my entire face.  Hot, I know ;)

My knee is now bleeding profusely where the scab ripped off.  I am such a mess.  Seriously.  I wonder if I will ever be a polished woman.  Maybe part of the fun in life is not being a polished woman.  I just wish I wasn't so prone to accidents and clumsiness and I wish my nails weren't always bitten and chipped and my hair wasn't always a nappy mess with split ends and tangles.  I also wish I didn't have a break out happening around my chin making me look like Jay Leno.  But hey, I don't have Ebola or a terminal illness and I have clean drinking water and food. So I can't complain.  I am also not a heroin addict like half of my home town is now.  What the fuck happened to innocent, sleepy little Bainbridge????  It grew up and turned into a devious drug addict.  Legit.  I keep hearing stories about people robbing houses and stores to support their addiction.  Every week I hear about someone else I knew by name going to rehab.  Seriously.  WTF?!  Good thing I got out when I did... I'd either be an addict or have three different kids by three different dads right now.  

Even though I am poor as fuck most days, at least I am living on my own, pursuing my dream (even if it doesn't seem to be going anywhere most days), and not shooting heroin and robbing houses back home.   At least I'm not sitting home living on welfare and not working for a living.  I'd rather be busting my ass at a job I hate every day for the rest of my life than be like half of the people living in Chenango County.  It's really so sad in one way.  I know that all of the business that used to be in the area moved out and the place is pretty impoverished, but it's just so pathetic that people turn to drugs and turn to a life of crime as a result.  When I was younger, I remember mostly everyone being wholesome and good in my area.  Now I go home to visit and get depressed.  All of the little main streets are desolate, the business shut down and replaced with shit diners and even shittier tattoo parlors run by deviants.  Everyone I see on the street is morbidly obese and living on Wonderbread and ground beef that's been dunked in clorox at the local Great American.  It makes me want to cry.  I see moms pushing grocery carts with kids that aren't dressed for the weather and the mom is smoking a cigarette and looks like a crack whore.  And most likely is.  What happened to the Bainbridge of my childhood????   My mind is blown.  Literally. blown. 

I'm happy Fall is here so I can wear velvet though.   

Banned for Life

You know you've reached a new low when you get banned from the venue your boyfriend manages.   I am pretty sure I accomplished a nearly impossible feat in doing so.  Awesome (but not really).  I am never allowed to go back to highline after my actions a couple of weeks ago.  It all started off fine and dandy enough... I was just going to stop by with a friend and say 'hi' to everyone I know that works there and not drink.  Needless to say, since I know everyone that works there, I was given free drinks, got completely obliterated, and then decided that I didn't want to leave with my friend but instead decided that it was a good idea to wait for my bf to close down the joint.  In retrospect, I'm not sure why I thought waiting around for my bf to close was a good decision since the place gives me anxiety and is generally the catalyst of almost every fight I start.  I was tanked when the place closed it's doors at 4am, and my happiness and dancing took a very dark turn.

I won't go into detail for the sake of saving whatever dignity I have left (not much, I know), but I harassed and heckled nearly everyone working there.  For about a week after that night, I kept having terrible flashbacks of all of the crazy and terrible shit I did.... I am truly a psycho when I am drunk and feel neglected.   Oh well.  It's for the best.   Out of sight, out of mind- right?!

RIGHT.  Well, anyhow, I suppose I most certainly won't be spending Halloween or New Years Eve with my boyfriend this year as I not only no long work there, but furthermore am banned.  What to do... what to do.... ;)  The only good thing that came from this night was the fact that it allowed me to create an awesome comic book based around all of my various faux-pas, "derailments," insanity, and melt-downs.  It will also be a great story for my grandchildren to hear someday... Just Kidding!  I'm never having kids :D  Anyhow, I am 100% positive the ongoing stress over my job situation is what has been causing me to have anxiety and anger issues in my outside life.  I find myself wanting to snap over the dumbest things these days... It's not healthy.  Furthermore, the lack of consistency in my current work schedule is NOT working for me.  I have to decline babysitting gigs that used to at least provide me with some extra spending money since I never know if I will be available in the morning now.  My sleep schedule is all over the place as well since I might be opening at 8am or working until midnight.

Not much has been happening in my life lately other than the usual.  I had an interview for a full-time nannying position which I desperately want as it would allow me to take on a weekend job (and keep myself out of trouble) as well as to have a consistent schedule and one that is conducive to my lifestyle.  I would be able to work weekends again (which I actually really miss), and I would have mornings free again to take on other babysitting gigs.  However, I would have to pay my own insurance (terrifying and expensive as f*ck) and I would no longer have the benefit of paid sick days and vacation days (that could be compensated for though by a secondary weekend job).  I would also have plenty of time to pursue writing!!  Speaking of writing, I finally submitted my book to be copyrighted (you know- so know one steals the tales of my crazy life), and I also completed another article for Untitled-Magazine.  You can check it out below:

http://untitled-magazine.com/the-pros-and-cons-of-airbnb-com/

I suppose since I won't be spending this Halloween hostessing at Highline, I will be partying rock star style elsewhere.  My costume is finally complete, minus the tattoos.  I found exact replicas of Axl Rose's tats on Etsy, but I refuse to waste $50 for temporary tattoos I will wear for only one night.  I may just employ a friend to draw the tats on with permanent marker.

No, this isn't me.  I will look ten times hotter ;) JK... but not really ;) 

I know that you've all been dying for some slutty selfies of my Halloween costume, but it will just have to wait.  I need the tats to make it perfect.  Maybe I should just get some real ones... 

I've been thinking some very mean thoughts all day, so I should probably exercise the demons in my soul with some therapeutic writing and cooking this evening.  Maybe a glass of red wine too... that always seems to help mellow out the violent thoughts.  I don't know what has got into me.   I think I need elephant tranquilizers or maybe just a decent vacation.  Something has to give some time soon though.  I can't go on like this (said with dramatic flair).   Stay tuned for my next article on Untitled though- I'll be covering Tinder travel (vomit... ugh.... tinder, blaaaaaachhhh). ;)