Finally some good news

So, apparently I am not doing actual bottle serving on Saturday nights... which is a HUGE relief. ha.  I am bottle hostessing rather, which entails standing at the door looking cute (or as cute as a field mouse such as myself can possibly be) and then leading people with table reservations to their assigned tables.  Easy enough for a simpleton such as myself ;) .  I don't have to deal with any irate customers, people arguing about checks, people being wasted assholes, or people thinking I'm not hot enough to be pouring their liquor.  It is a pretty sweet gig.  I thought I would be bored to death standing around last night for 5 hours waiting for people with table reservations to arrive, but it was a pretty decent night.  On Friday's, Highline Ballroom does an EDM show with a line-up of several dj's, so not only is the music awesome (if you like that kind of stuff), but everyone is high on molly or getting drunk, so they're all pretty social and happy people.  I met so many interesting people last night that it was nearly impossible to get bored.  I even ran into my ex-boyfriend's old friends from Oneonta- what a surprise that was. haha.  No, really though, it is nice to run into people that you know in such a large city.  I was happy to see some familiar faces amongst the swarming sea of clubbers.  Plus, anyone who knows me knows I simply love any opportunity to dress up; so putting on a black dress and heels is enough motivation for me to want to hostess anyhow.  hahaha.  I'm pathetic.

I photograph much better than I look in real life.  

If anyone ever needs to borrow a skin-tight black dress, I'm your girl.  I think in another life I may have been a prostitute; that's the only explanation I can think of for my soft spot for body-con dresses. 

In other awesome news, I snagged an editorial intern position with Topix Media Lab.  They do special publications on individuals, tv shows, movies, etc.  So if you walk into a store and see a magazine that is "All About Taylor Swift" or "Michelle Obama" or "Pretty Little Liars," it very well have been written and put together by Topix Media lab!  I'm pretty excited because the team of people working their have worked at Rolling Stone Magazine, for Elle, and Jane etc.  I start the first week in May and cannot wait!  I am still pumped for my interview with Sleep no More next week though, and if I can somehow swing a writing internship along with a costume internship and manage to have enough time to keep working for money, I will do all three.  I find the busier I am kept, the better for my feeble mind.  When I have too much free time I become very self-destructive and self-hating.  It's a vicious cycle.  I am also on page 206 of my book.  I hope to finish it by June.  No idea what I am going to do with it once it is done, but I want it to be done as soon as is possible.  

When I can't sleep

I can't sleep despite my best efforts, so I decided to write a blog, since I've been really negligent lately due to work, job interviews (more on that in a minute) and life.  Since my computer is my primary source of entertainment, and because I had already watched the best that Netflix had to offer (OMG... 'Girl Model' is finally on Netflix- I was pumped!), I started looking at old photos I have stored on my computer from the days when my macbook's camera was actually functional (this was before the infamous hot-water spill).  Being the narcissist that I am, most of the pictures are of myself, and I was taken aback by how young I was.  I mean, it was only 7 years ago... less even... how did I look so much younger?  I looked like a baby.  I wonder if 7 years from now, I will look back on photos from this age and think to myself, "shit son, I was fucking young!".  

If I knew then, what I know now. ha.  Jk... I still don't know that much, but I'm learning, and that is what counts.  I just got out of my first and only relationship a little over a month ago now.  The past three years of my life were awesome and much needed for my growth as an individual; I learned a lot about myself and what I want in life, but in a lot of ways the last three years were a major distraction.  When things started to go on a steady decline downhill, I stopped caring about myself to a large extent, and I put so much time and energy into fixing something I didn't have the power to fix.  I was sad for a long time- and confused.  How do you say 'good bye' to a person who had become one of your best friends?  The person you can tell everything to... the person you loved with your heart and soul.  Being the naive, v-card holding, inexperienced, dreamer I was when I was 22, I had a secret fantasy the relationship would last for eternity.  I tried my hardest to make that sweet, little fairy-tale happen, until the day I woke the fuck up and realized I was wasting both of our time.  I learned the hard way after being hurt again and again, that you can't fix someone else.  I won't make that mistake again.  

Life is pretty crazy.  I remember being 18 and feeling so pathetic and alone because I had never had a boyfriend and had kissed one guy.  I remember thinking I was ugly, and that's why no one wanted to date me.  I mean, the reality of the situation is, I was an introverted nerd all throughout high school, and immediately after graduating I went to a school consisting of girls and gays.  I know you shouldn't measure yourself based on other's validation, but I'm pretty sure my lack of romance really affected my self-confidence.  Despite being a narcissist, I still feel pretty busted most days.  It's something I've been working on for a while, but still need major improvement upon. 

Life has been looking up for me this week.  Today I had an interview for an editorial assistant position with Topix Media Lab... I really, really, really want it.  Next week, I have an interview for a costume internship with 'Sleep No More.'  Hopefully one of these works about.  I've tried not to get my hopes up, because every time I get my hopes up, they are quickly bludgeoned down. haha.. yes, i am dramatic.  

I really want eggnog right now; it's such a shame that stores don't make it during the spring/summer months... I might have to make my own now.  Also, I really want perogies with lots of sour cream.  And now I want San Loco... delicious catfish tacos and chipotle chicken tacos...