It's been a while...

And I apologize for that... but not really because I doubt anyone gives a fuck about my blog or what I have to say, especially when most of what I have to say is entirely self-absorbed and superficial.  JK. hahahahhaha.  My blood sugar levels have spiked after having roast beef sub and a cannoli, so I'm pretty hyper and feeling good at the moment, after a rough couple of weeks and many foul moods and tears.  Last week my mom was in the hospital for a couple of days.  She is fine now, but it was definitely a scare, and I was working 10 hour days which sucked balls, so I was already stressed out.  Oh, and from this point forth, I will refer to my place of employment as "Chodes 'r Us."  Anyhow, work was rough and I wasn't getting proper lunch breaks due to the fact that there was no overlap in management schedules.  I almost lost my shit the day that I had to do a floor set by myself, two employees failed to show up, the district manager was coming to do an audit, and I found out my mom was in the hospital.... luckily for me, I found a mysterious cigarette in my center console.  Now, I don't smoke, and I never will, but that mysterious cigarette did wonders to calm my frazzled nerves on that particular day, even though I felt smelly and gross after it touched my lips and precious fingers.

I really don't want to go to work this afternoon... I hate Saturdays.  I caught my first shoplifter last saturday; he was a fat 13 year old who claimed he didn't know how the bottle of cologne he was trying to lift had gotten into his bag... right.  Let's hope this Saturday is not as busy and frazzling on my ancient nerves as I'm feeling rather touchy today and might snap.  I have been feeling geriatric since turning 24, though I don't know why.  I've got a serious case of the Benjamin Buttons and grow increasingly more attractive with each year that passes, in my opinion anyhow.  hahahah.  For example:  

BUSTED... I was the homeliest child on the planet.  I had an untamed fro, huge glasses, teeth that grew in too big for my tiny head, and a scrawny body.  Yipes.


I hope my children never have to go through an ugly phase like that.  Luckily for me, kids liked me because I was nice, I was smart so they could copy my homework, and I was artistic so I could draw them pictures... I never really got picked on until high school (but that was for being an over-achiever, not for being ugly, even though I still was).   It's safe to say I whole-heartedly plan to adopt in the future.

Bijou has pretty much become an indoor cat at this point in the game.   He loves spending time lazing about and getting high on catnip.  He also loves watching his mom get dressed up, and striking a pose with his mom... he is my gay boy after all.

And here is a gratuitous mirror shot, because at heart I am just one of the dumb sluts I despise.  JK.  



When I was out for my birthday celebration, we ended the night getting pizza, and that is when I saw the truly drunk and sloppy hos of Oneonta.  I wanted to snap a picture on my phone, but it would have been too suspicious so here is a rendering a re-created:

Her ass cheeks were hanging out of her skirt... and they were flat, sloppy, and cellulitey.  Yuck.  Oh, and her skirt was made of pink duct tape... classy.  Jesus h. Christ, even if I was a supermodel with the hottest ass cheeks ever (mine are pretty nice as they are) I wouldn't wear a skirt that exposed them in public.  What's wrong with people?


I will have 8,000 in my savings by April 1st, which isn't much in the grand scheme of things, but it's enough to let me quit my current job and find a better one and pay for a couple months rent.  I also plan on finishing my book by April 1st, and I know that I say this every month, but this time I mean it.   I am going to haul-ass home from work tonight in order to see the shit show that is Lindsay Lohan on SNL, followed by Jack White, who is pure sex appeal... if I didn't have a bf, and I was cool enough for Jack White, I'd be all over that.