The elderly lady I clean house for once a week was especially crotchety and pessimistic today. First, let me explain why someone like myself would voluntarily scrub someone else's toilet in the first place. Once upon a time, when I was a full-time student at Oneonta seeking a part-time job, my uncle hooked me up with a once-a-week job, cleaning the Episcopal church's rectory. Weird, I know, but hey, it was money. Soon, people at the church were asking my uncle if I ever cleaned houses, and he hooked me up with a couple of clients who I cleaned for that following summer. I stopped cleaning when that Fall semester started and I found a 'real' job (Claires... what a joke, lol). Well, one rainy day this summer, I was at a friend's house when I got a call from one of the ladies I used to clean for asking me if I still clean. She was a well-meaning lady with a good heart, and so I said 'for her... yes.' So once a week, I go to her house and scrub tubs, toilets, and floors for a solid 2 hours (how terribly degrading darling). But hey, the money I make there pays for at least 3 days worth of gas for my commute to Binghamton, so I guess it's worth the degradation I suffer. Anyhoo, this older lady is really sweet and has a good heart, but she's always saying things like "I might not be here long" "I'm not long for this earth" "When I die..." etc. It gets terribly depressing. I know she has a physical condition that limits her mobility, and I can understand completely how that affects one's outlook on life (my grandma who passed away last year had severely limited mobility for years, and it was heart-breaking)... but GD! I walked in and saw information for a funeral plot laying on her table this week! She's not that old, and she has a seemingly loving husband and animals and stuff so I'm not sure why she is morbidly obsessed with her death prematurely. This week, in addition to joking about not being long for this world, she insisted I take a bag of 'clean, never-worn' underwear she had bought that she couldn't fit into and now had hanging from her door. She told me the underwear were 'too big for her,' when she always comments about how thin I am and she probably weighs a good 60 lbs more than me... really lady? You think these underwear are going to fit me, when they are too big for you? I mean, I know my ass is large compared to the rest of my frame but I don't wear cotton briefs, especially not ones that were pre-owned and purchased in bulk. I guess it's the thought that counts? I tried to pull the old trick I used to pull when my grandma would try to pawn something off on me that I didn't want, and slyly slip out the door without it ("oopsie, I forgot it!"), however she screamed after me, "Don't forget those underwear!"...and so I was forced to take a bag's worth of cotton, size 8 briefs with me to my Grandma's house where I planned to set up her tree. I ditched the undies in her garage before she answered the door... I'm now patiently awaiting the phone call from her where she asks if I know where the 24 pack of underwear sitting in her garage came from, lol. My grandma was pretty pessimistic today as well. "I'm just not in the Christmas spirit this year, I just don't feel good... I'm getting too old....this might be one of my last Christmases." Way to stay positive G-ma! Naturally I put on the Peggy Lee Christmas album to inject some holiday cheer into both of our lives, while I hauled 45 lb. segments of a 9ft. tree up the basement stairs alone. All the while I was doing this my grandma offered words of encouragement and gratitude like, "I don't think you're strong enough to do that!" "Why don't you just let your uncle put it up?!" "That tree is just too big, I don't even think I want that tree up this year!" "you're going to break your back girl!" "I don't think either of us really feels like doing the tree today, you look as tired as me!" Thanks Grandma. This only made me all the more determined to slap that tree together though, so I worked like the petite donkey I am and assembled that piece-o- shit, fake-ass pine LICKITY SPLIT! And let me tell you what... it looked fabulous! I'm pretty sure my grandma felt a bit more cheerful after the tree was assembled and decorated.
Tonight I wrapped the bulk of my Christmas pressies, as I was feeling rather festive after assembling the faux-fir tree, and little Bijou came inside to help with the task. I am receiving another shipment Friday, and am stoked because I also purchased a little 'pick-me-up' in the form of some skin-tight hotpants for myself (Urban Outfitter's clearance sale rocks... where else can you find shorts that were originally $90 reduced to $20?!)
Bijou, getting festive on the sheepskin
"I can has presents too?"
I also did my annual/traditional "Fantasy Wish List." This year's list was a bit more reasonable than years past (where I asked for million dollar bras, whole soccer teams delivered to my door, and apartments in multiple cities across the globe):
