Sometimes Good Things Come out of Shitty Situations..

... like losing weight without even trying to because you have no job and are under so much stress :D 

I am going to be looking so hot for Mysterland, granted I can afford to go ;)   Brings me back to the days of living on bags of frozen peas while I was working at Highline and making like $170 a week.  Good times.... 

Welcome to My Perfect, Wonderful Life

I thought I had found my dream job when I finally escaped the throes of retail hell back in November.  Sadly, I ended up much worse for the wear, as I was working with a fucking psychopathic, late-to-the-game transgender woman, who was addicted to drugs.  Making the situation even worse, was my asshole licking, douche bag coworker that literally made me want to strangle him every time he opened his mouth.  I've never seen such an ass-kisser in my entire life.... and I worked for Abercrombie and Fitch.

If you have ever worked with an all-female team of managers, and they're all PMS-ing at the same time and you think THAT is bad, try working for a a male to female transgender woman, who is on hormones and taking a combination of recreational drugs for three days straight every weekend.

My boss gave me ecstasy pills as part of my severance package.  I'm not really sure who the fuck does that, but by me telling you this, maybe you can begin to understand the gravity of my situation.

I went into this job with an open mind.  Like, how cool and progressive was it that I was working for a startup that aimed to revolutionize the industry, and my boss was a transgender woman donning heels and crop tops, who openly talked about drugs?  Sounds great right?

It was great, until I started realizing that she bro-ed around with my male co-workers, gave all of the exciting assignments to my male coworker (because she couldn't trust me to take care of them), and just generally disregarded my opinions, despite the fact that I was the only woman on our team (apart from her), and therefore, my opinion should have mattered even more so.

I thought it was ridiculous I was feeling this way - discriminated against by a male to female transgender woman, who clearly should have known about the struggles of discrimination and sexism.  But, I wasn't wrong or alone in my beliefs, as our one, female intern ended up quitting after only a month and a half.  She confided in me that she felt like my male co-worker was the only one whose opinion was being valued or adhered to in terms of decision making etc.  She also said she felt like our boss didn't like her or value her opinions as a woman, or give her the same acknowledgement she was giving to our two male interns at the time.

This really resonated with me, and after she quit, I began to feel the same way, even more so, now that I was once again, the only woman on the team.

I tried to put up with it, and suck it up day after day, reasoning in my own mind "how can I possibly feel this way?" or, maybe it's all in my head.  I started to feel left out, and ostracized simply for being a woman.

My boss also failed to keep me in the loop or have one-on-one feedback sessions with me.  Instead, she regularly conferred with my male counterpart, and would spend chunks of the day shut in her office with him.  He started ass-kissing even more, and made it a point to go to parties with her, and buy Further Future festival tickets too so he could schmooze with her there.  Dude had no life outside of work, and is one of the worst individuals I have ever met.  He would regularly talk about artists being "hot," and when we initially had interns applying, he said that he wished "one of them would be a hot chick."  Um, the last thing I knew, this was a place of work, not a fucking dating service.... I guess I should forgive him though, because he probably hadn't been laid in like a year, since he was such a dick, and I don't know any girl who would fuck with that.

Our boss was a total deviant, making us spend an entire chunk of one of our work days to all sit on our cell phones so we could obtain the coveted Burning Man tickets she so desperately wanted.  Cause, you know, a festival like Burning Man (http://burningman.org) where everyone is fucked up on drugs and running around the dessert naked for 10 days, is essential networking for the further growth of a technology based startup firm!

We were late getting paid pretty much all but two pay periods that I worked there.  I can tell you, being paid late truly made me miss working for a corporate company and a company with HR.   With all of the crap I put up with at my retail job, at least we were always paid on time, and if I was being treated unfairly, I could report it to HR, and I know I wouldn't lose my job for doing so.  It was highly inconvenient to be paid late, and now in retrospect, I can assume (and accurately so), that we were late getting paid because our immature, party-monster of a boss, was spending company money on festival tickets, partying every weekend, and drugs (I watched her take 4 different drugs in one day once).

The day that I got "let go," We were a full week late being paid.  My drug addled boss never came into the office before noon.  Most days she came in around 1:30pm.  We were supposed to be paid Friday, the 15th.  I figured that as usual, we were just a couple of days late getting paid.  However, by the time the following Wednesday rolled around, and I had bills due, I was getting pissed.  I messaged my boss Wednesday morning, asking when I could expect to be paid.... no answer.  She came into the office and was immediately holed up in her office in "investor meetings" all afternoon.  Oh, and by the way, she used to wear mini skirts and crop tops to these investor meetings  - no fucking wonder no one was throwing money at her company.  But, I digress....

The next day, Thursday, we still hadn't been paid.  I was really furious at this point, since she outright ignored my question, and I had bills due, and our paycheck was a full week late.  Once again, she wasn't at work when I came in at 10am, so I messaged her with the same question "When can we expect our paychecks to go through? Thanks!"  No answer.  Although, she did spew a bunch of orders on various other message channels, so I knew full well she was online and had seen my question.  She finally answered with "I'll talk to you when I come in."  Alrighty....

She finally came in at noon, and didn't have time to chat with me until she had chatted with two of my co-workers, behind her office door.  Finally, her door opened and I went into her office.  I once again started the conversation with "Hey, I was just really wondering when we can expect to get paid... " when she told me to sit down.

She went onto explain that she hadn't even done payroll yet and didn't know when she would be able to because there was literally no one whatsoever in the company bank account.  Then, she followed that up by saying she was going to have to "let me go" because she couldn't afford to "keep [me] on the team."

At this point I was irate.  Her telling me she had to 'let me go' actually was a less pressing matter than when I was going to be compensated for the last three weeks worth of work at this wretched, sinking startup run by an egomaniac party monster.

I started crying and laughing at the same time as the shock set in.  How the fuck did I end up working at this joke of an institution?  How the fuck was I getting "let go"? and how the fuck had I not been paid yet?  I think I actually kept saying "what the fuck?!" as she was speaking and "I can't believe this."

I basically told her I wasn't leaving until I had been compensated for the last few weeks, and she decided she would take cash out of her own account to give me.  She told me that she wasn't going to be able to afford to pay the others until an investor put cash into the company account, and I held my tongue since I wanted to tell her that dressing in a dick-grazing, leather mini skirt and crop top probably didn't do much to help the investor situation.

I also confronted her for not telling us in advance that she couldn't afford to pay us on time.  Having a warning really would have helped since I carelessly blew most of my tax return since I thought I could afford to do so since I was making more money.

I took a walk outside for 30 minutes, so she had time to run to the ATM.  During this time, I continued to cry.  My leather purse strap slipped over my body and severely cut two of my fingers on the way down.  Now I was not only walking around sobbing in broad daylight, but also profusely bleeding from my fingers and sucking on one of them to quell the blood.  I was a hot mess.

I went back to the office and took my pay in the form of cold, hard cash.  My boss offered up some ecstasy pills, which I willingly excepted, saying "this is the least you can do for me."  I can't believe that part of my severance package was drugs.  What a damn joke.  For real.... un-fucking-believable.

I walked out of there feeling like a combination of shit, failure, humiliation, regret (for ever working there), anger (towards my mess of a boss, and dick-wad coworker), and also relief.  Thank God I wouldn't have to deal with that shit anymore.

I don't even care if this company turns into the next Google or Instagram (although chances it will never make it that far since it's being run and operated by an egomaniac,drug-addicted mess of a human).   At least I'll never have to work another day, stagnant at an office desk biting my tongue and squeezing my fists so I don't verbally or physically lash out on my asshole-eating coworker who's very facial expressions made me want to choke him out.

I walked home from work that day, in the blazing hot sun, with a puffy face (from crying), bloody fingers, and ecstasy in my purse.  I somehow managed to get hit on by every grandpa, construction worker, high school student, etc. I passed.  I'm not sure who hits on a woman that looks like I looked at that moment in time - someone sick in the head.

When I finally made it home, I was delirious, like crying and laughing.  My WiFi decided to shit the bed as soon as I came home, and four days later, it's still not working.

I am not sure where my life is going or what's going to happen in terms of my job, and the fact that I am supposed to go to Italy at the end of this summer.

I guess it's all for the best though.  I'm scared right now, not having a source of income, but also relieved that I got out of that company, even though it was not the best way to go, since I had no time to plan.

At least I have this awesome story to tell people, and know what NOT to look for in my next job.

Oh, also, the real kicker of this situation is, even though she had no money to do payroll and had to cut me to cut down on costs, when I signed onto Craigslist to start job searching again, I found this:

https://newyork.craigslist.org/mnh/med/5545431612.html

This ad was posted THREE (3) days before I was "let go."  I wonder what money she plans on using to pay this position....

Furthermore, I wish the best of luck to the intern who just slaved away for the past three months thinking he was going to be hired into this position... clearly, he is not, since this is being advertised.  I love it.  What a fucking joke.

Oh, also, because of the stress of losing my job, I am now once again severely breaking out.  This time, I fear I will need to make the leap and just go on Accutane.  Sadly for me, I was paying $300 a month out of pocket for insurance (since it wasn't offered through my old job), and now I will not be able to afford insurance until I start working again.  Looks like things are about to get even better in my life.

#blessed

What I've Been Up To

It's been a while since I posted... far longer than is acceptable.  I haven't *published* an entry in three months.  I say "published," because I have actually written several entries, all of which I can't share publicly (or at least not at this point in my life) because the consequences would far outweigh the pros of being so open and honest about my life. 

So, what have I been up to? Well, I partied every weekend for basically two months straight  (with a few out-of-control weekday nights thrown in for good measure), then of course there is work, and my relationship (cooking, relaxing, eating, movie nights), and I went home two weekends in a row as well.  

Other than that life was going just swell, with no complaints, which (as you know) isn't the kind of inspiration or motivation that drives me to write.  Now that things are not so peachy fuckin' keen once again, the old inspiration has hit me like a ton of bricks.  This means, that I spent the last two weekends home, scrubbing my apartment, babysitting my niece, and putting all of my savage thoughts into writing.

I have found a new, twisted and extremely cathartic satisfaction in writing acerbic Craigslist ads.  I'm not sure why I've taken to this.... or how the idea came to me, but it helps me get my inner demons out, and it is also fucking hilarious to get replies. Here are two such examples:

I Will Get You Hipster Trash Skinny

Have you ever longingly stared at a hipster model's bird-legs as she walked down Bedford Ave. in her One Teaspoon brand rocker shorts, and bull-dyke 90's platform sandals and asked yourself how you can achieve that starving Somalian body?

How you, a common, homely, middle-brow citizen who eats regular meals and drinks in excess on weekends can possibly obtain a thigh gap that is enviable, protruding hip bones, and a stomach that becomes distended as soon as you swallow a single grain of rice?

Have you always wanted to make your friends jealous to the point of accusing you of having an eating disorder? Do you long to make your family question your health when you go home for the holidays? Do you want to make ex-boyfriends suspicious that you might be battling a drug addiction, or instead of eliciting cat calls, perhaps you want middle-aged fat women to openly comment things like "My god, you're so skinny!" or "you need a cheeseburger!"?

If what I have just described is your dream come true, you're in luck. I am about to divulge to you the diet of the hipster models that you envy. In only 3 short months, you can turn your life around and achieve the body that you have healthily been trying to attain for the better part of your twenties. In only 3 short months, you too can walk around in next to nothing in public, post naked selfies on the gram, and spend hours lip-synching into a brush wearing nothing but a triangle-top bikini as you film yourself to share on Snapchat. Does this sound like everything you've ever wanted and more? Good; this is all you SHOULD ever want in this modern world. Because if you can't make normal teenage girls in the midwest develop eating disorders due to idolizing fake ideals, what else is your life good for? Is there anything MORE important than looking good in the photos you snap at Burning Man to post on your IG and show the world how fucking cool you are in your pasties and john lennon glasses and futuristic headpiece?! NO.

You're going to need cash. Lots of cash. And not for those expensive juices - although, those expensive juices will be a good prop, you know. You should carry one around at all times in case a friend tries to invite you out to dinner or a colleague wants to grab lunch - you simply pull it out of your purse and say "I'm sorry, I'm doing this whole juice cleanse thing right now!" Being the ass-licking, posing piece of hipster trash that most of your Bushwick dwelling friends probably are, they will nod in total agreement and ask you how it's going and probably want to try it. Fooling people into thinking you're cleansing is much better than declining real food without an excuse- then they might think you have a "problem."

Anyhow, the cash! You are going to need this cash to invest in your dietary supplements - adderall, and cocaine. Take one adderall in the morning to get that initial high, proceed to take multiple shits (see? Same thing as a professional colonic!), and stave off your appetite until the work day is over. You are allowed to have a few cups of coffee to keep the adderall effect going throughout the day Once you leave work, it's time to keep suppressing that appetite with some Coke.

Keep alternating between blow and molly every night for the next two weeks, and you will be emaciated in no time.

Bad Santa/Mick Jagger Children's Photography  

f you're looking for a Bad Santa/Mick Jagger-esque children's photographer for your next child's birthday party look no further. I will show up to your child's event, hungover as f*ck. My favorite call time, is Sunday morning at 10am after a night of partying with my friends. Once your friends smell the scent of Jameson and Pinnacle on me, they can give me disdainful looks, avoid conversation, and treat me like an invisible servant... they can also judge you for hiring me. Your friends will delight in my sexual pants (courtesy of American Apparel) as I bolt for the bathroom, thanks to the explosion about to happen in my pants because of liquor and coffee consumption. 

As I crawl around the floor on all fours attempting to take photos of your undisciplined, screaming children, you can also shake your head as you watch me taint your precious, BPA-free toddler with my fireball breath. 

I will make sure to look presentable and child-friendly in my sexual pants, and caked on mascara that I slept in. 

For An Extra Fee, the Following can be Obtained: Pit Stains/Extreme body odor, a broken heel, rants to all children under the age of 5 with political context, assault and battery on bicycle delivery people outside of the event, copious amounts of pizza ordered and billed to the host of the event, shared bumps of coke in the ladies room, and pop-up rave full of hipster trash.

And there's a lot more where that came from kids >:-)    

Other than expressing myself via obnoxious Craigslist posts and entries that maybe I will share two years from now, I've been up to the same old - same old:  cooking, alternating between going out and staying in watching shitty foreign films, plotting murder, etc.

And as always, I'll leave you with some sluttery.  You know how we do around here.

Will I Ever NOT Be a Mess?

As I lay in bed typing this, I realize the only time I write is when I have fresh writing material.  Fresh writing material only happens when something significant happens- this means, that most of the time, when I write, It's because I did something catastrophic or my life is in some catastrophic state.  What a sad fact...

Today, as I write, I am hungover as fuck.  I'm talking, vomiting up water, pounding headache in my temples that advil can't stop, and probably running a fever of like 102 as my little, abused body tries to process the liter of vodka I ingested last night.

I thought these days were done.  I thought I was done drinking forever. However, after being sick all week and not even leaving my house for three days straight, I was going stir-crazy.  This meant that by yesterday evening, when my cold symptoms had subsided enough that I didn't feel like death, I NEEDED to go out.  A person goes crazy when they don't leave their apartment in three whole days.  I think I left just once on Friday to go to the doctor which is literally a 1 minute walk down the block.

Anyhow, I digress. I am fifty (50) shades of orange thanks to Hampton Sun, so I have that contributing to my status of first degree mess.  I felt like such shit from being sick and hardly moving, that I thought a nice, faux tan might boost my spirits... WRONG.  I look like a fucking Oompa Loompa right now.  My stomach is orange, my feet are spotty and just look like I was running barefoot through orange dirt.  Last night, before I decided I was going to go out, I contemplated sitting home and making Bolognese sauce.  Today, I wish that I had stayed home alone all night and cooked.   Did I mention that it feels like someone is hammering my head right now?

I was almost assaulted by a cab driver.  I lost both my debit card and my ID somehow; which, in 10 years of drinking, I HAVE NEVER DONE, no matter how black out drunk I've been. I'm not really sure how last night, of all nights, I managed to lose both.  But I feel like a total failure right now.  I already called to cancel my debit card, but the bar I was at is not open yet, so I have no clue if they have my ID.  See?  This is why I prefer to just stick to drugs and stay close to home when I want to have fun.  Drugs have never done me dirty like this.

Oh yes, the Bolognese.... I knew I was going somewhere with that.  Anyhow, because I decided NOT to stay home and make Bolognese, I didn't go to the grocery store.  This means that presently, the only things in my fridge are some Frank's hot sauce, other assorted condiments, two eggs, some carrots and celery, and some foul, hard Gorgonzola that smells like sh*t.   Yeah- I'm not sugar coating anything right now.

I feel so vulnerable and sick right now that it's comical.  My hands are shaking.... I feel like death. I checked my phone log to see who I called..... I should be put in jail.

Anyhow, my friend put me in a cab last night, which I have no recollection of.  When I arrived near home and went to pay,  I realized my debit card was missing.  Not thinking yet in my drunken state that I should use my credit card, I freaked out that my debit card was missing and told the cab driver I couldn't pay him. I was a fucking mess and crying at that point, and he basically held me hostage in the cab, parked on Bedford Ave for 20 minutes, like interrogating me.... "well how do you plan to pay if your card is not with you?" etc.  I think at one point he threatened to drive me to the police.  I'm not even lying.  I can't believe that this was me last night.  These things DO NOT happen to me.  What the fuck?!  Anyhow, after 20 minutes of sitting in the back of the cab with this douchebag not helping me out at all, it dawned on me that I could use my credit card, and ended up doing so.  My life is a fucking disaster.

When I woke up today, I remembered my debit card was missing, but then as I checked my wallet, I also realized my ID was missing.  Like, why the fuck would I have even taken my ID out of the plastic casing?  Where the fuck did my ID go?

I checked my phone to see who I called.... shameful. The call log had like 10 missed phone calls and facetimes, and then 10 more placed facetimes and phone calls.  I pray to God that I did not actually spend anytime on facetime since I was undoubtedly a disgusting, drunken mess.

I never know how it gets to this point.  This is why I try to avoid alcohol at all costs.  Drugs never do me dirty like this.  I don't get hungover from drugs.  I don't lose important shit when I'm high.  I don't even have any half and half for my coffee right now.... FML.  How am I supposed to feel better when I have to drink black coffee?  And now I have to go vomit again....

So here I am, fifty shades of orange, eating frozen blueberries in a desperate attempt to feel better, and wondering how a person replaces an ID....

The Old Rusty Scale

Making schnitzel at 2am... why? Because that's just how we roll in this household.  I guess the insomniac lifestyle isn't over yet.  Just when I thought my days of staying up until 3am every night to see my boyfriend were over... ;) Nahhh man... I knew life was too good to be true when I thought we were finally going to have conducive schedules.  Also, guess who's making a guest appearance at Highline on Saturday night... Yep.  This girl. ;) I'll let you take a gander why.... 

^ My theme song ;) I CAAAANNNTTT GETTT NOOOO SLEEP

The holiday season is upon us.... that means sexy dresses. This is the time of year that the dress that's been hanging unworn in my closet for the past three years finally gets to shine for one night out. Like this little gem from NastyGal... I've owned it for three years and wore it only once in Vegas. 

My Morticia Adams look...

And my slutty look, which is of course, the most preferred look of all. 

And the look that sums up my daily outlook on life. 

It doesn't even feel like the holidays to be honest.  I am usually on the Christmas bandwagon as soon as Thanksgiving passes, but this year, I just don't feel Christmassy inside my black soul.  I think it's the weather.  It's been warmer this month than it was in late September.  I feel like I'm still in September actually.  I already got my Christmas present though... MY JOB :D :D :D :D which is the only thing I have actually wanted for the last two years of my life.  Merry Christmas Kelsey ;) 

Other than my plans to go full balls-to-the-walls this impending weekend; my last few weeks have been pretty chill (well, minus the girls night that ended with me sleeping on my carpet).  I have been doing a lot of cooking... now that winter is upon us, it's back to rich pastas, rich sauces, and bottles of red wine (or Vodka).  You know how I do...

Spaghetti alle volongle. 

Truffle Polenta with mushrooms, breaded chicken, and gorgonzola cream sauce 

Mezzi Rigatoni alla Bolognese 

Someone Please Alert CNN/NBC/ABC/FOX NEWS....

I got a new job!!!!! Yes, at last... I almost thought this day would never come.  I was legit at the end of my rope; like suicidal, debating quitting my current job without another job lined up and moving home;   losing my apartment and everything I have here in the city seemed like a pretty reasonable option as of late. I still cannot believe that I found a new job- a great fucking job at that.  One in an industry that I am excited to work in- in a location I am excited to work in, and with people I am excited to work with/for.  I don't think that it will really sink in for me until I start at my new position, but I already put my two weeks notice in and that too was surreal.  I thought I would cry tears of happiness when I got the job, but I am still not fully believing that is is my reality.  This kind of stuff does not happen to me... this must be some other girl's life...   I've spent countless days of my life applying non-stop over the past two years.

Like, an integral part of every day off is me sitting at my computer, scouring Craigslist, Indeed, FindSpark, Linkedin and sending out between 5-20 applications a day.  I must have been on at least 40 interviews over the past year of my life... not a single one of them ending in me getting a new job.  I have been rejected more times than I can count- some of the rejections hit me harder than others when they were jobs I genuinely wanted and was excited about.  Every time I heard back from a job I interviewed for with a rejection email, all I could think is "What is wrong with me?"- I revamped my resume more times than I can count, re-did my cover letter so that it was specific to every job I applied for, and always wrote 'thank you' follow ups after interviews.  Everyone in my life kept telling me the same thing every time I was let down: "You didn't get this job because something better is probably coming along in the future."  I tried to believe that, but it was hard when I hated my current job so much that I considered everything from nannying full time to going back to serving just so I could GTFO of retail.

Sitting here not applying to jobs on my evening off... how refreshing... I don't even know what to do with myself.

Well, all of my efforts have paid off.  I am going to be working for an awesome start-up called 'My Boss Blows Investor Money on Drugs and Burning Man R' Us" - it's basically an interactive site like Pandora is to music but for art and artists.  The offices are gorgeous, and the people working there are awesome.  I am going to be working as a neglected, unpaid, slave; my job entails finding artists, getting contact info, helping with the social media pages, and eventually helping the artists set up and promote shows.  I am so excited to start that it's mind blowing.... work that I actually want to do? That's unheard of!  haha.  And I get to wear whatever I want ;) Hellllllooooo high heels everyday ;) I am so lucky that I found this job and that I am going to be a part of this team! I'm excited the company is small and I can have a major part in helping them grow since the team is so incredibly small as well.  I'm going to be surrounded by creative individuals in a creative environment, using my brain, using my talent, and happier than I have been in a long time.

Considering that almost every fucking blog written in the past two years was generally based around my on-going job hunt, fruitless interviews, uncounted rejections, and my overall discouragement, I'm sure this will come as welcome news to anyone reading this.  WTF am I even going to write about now?!

When I came home the other night after receiving the official proposal email, I felt like I should be greeted by news crews outside of my home.  Every single person in my life or who knows me knows how much I wanted a new job and how hard I've been trying.  I felt like if I walked into Times Square, the TV screens would be announcing that I found a new job: "BREAKING NEWS: Girl who spent the past two years of her life applying and interviewing FINALLY gets new job"   lol.  I feel like I need to write an acceptance speech- this is legit all I have wanted for the past two years.  It's better than receiving an Oscar.  Every time my boyfriend or family has asked what I want for Christmas or my Birthday, my response has consistently been "a new job."  I am lucky that I even have a family and friends and a boyfriend left after all the stress I've put them through with my job search.  I don't know who is happier- me, or them...


I was off work these past two days and I didn't even know what to do with my time since I no longer feel compelled to sit at my desk surfing the internet for new jobs and applying non-stop.  This feels unnatural even as I type this right now not to have a looming anxiety in my head that I should be searching for and applying to jobs...

My Job/Oscar Acceptance Speech:

"I would like to thank everyone for all of the support over the last two years.  I'd like to thank my family for listening to me sob over the phone every time I thought I couldn't possibly go on and for continually giving me words of encouragement that things would work out and I would find something if I kept trying and didn't give up.  I would like to thank every single person who tried to hook me up with a job connection; even though not a single one of them panned out.  I would like to thank all of the friends who put up with my incessant bitching over my current job, and the anxiety I would get every time I had an interview and was waiting to hear back.  I would like to thank every friend who was there to take care of me and/or save my life when I got completely inebriated due to the stresses of my current life and job situation.  I would like to thank all of the people who were rooting for me and helped me out in any way they could- whether it was helping me to revise my resume, putting in a good word with someone they knew at a company I applied for, or giving me other work to do on the side for extra income.  I would like to thank my boyfriend who had to hold me through several mental break downs every time I wanted to just give up and didn't know why I kept applying.  I would like to thank every single person that I work with who has enjoyed working with me and gave me a reason to look forward to work every day- even though I hated my job, at least I've met some amazing people and life-long friends in that place."

For Better or Worse

Another Halloween (Slutoween) has come and gone... it's hard to believe that this year is almost over.  I cannot believe how fast it has flown by and once again, how little I have failed to accomplish in terms of all of the goals I set for myself 11 months ago.  I have been in over-drive mode searching for a new job to ring in the New Year- I've been further motivated by my boyfriend getting a new job as well as the fact that all of my friends have succeeded in getting the f*ck out of retail. My boyfriend has left Highline- I never thought the day would come.  Highline has been an integral part of our relationship for the past two and a half years now... I mean, it's where we met, so it will always have a very special place in my cold, blackened heart (*cue Rhianna's song "We Found Love In A Hopeless Place").   Highline is where I met my first NYC friends, where I met my boyfriend, the place I go when I feel like raising hell, the place I went to meet my boyfriend and say 'hi' to everyone even after I had quit there.... I know he will certainly be happier, and hopefully I will too, but it's hard to let go of such a huge part of one's life.  I honestly thought I would have a new job before he did... lord knows I search way harder and invest way more hours applying and actively interviewing.  His new job is much better though, and hopefully will be better for our relationship- he will have a better schedule and weekends off at his new place.  I'm also praying there are less sluts and naked dancers, but I went to check his new place out Friday night and saw two hos wearing leotards and masquarade masks so I'm not getting my hopes up ;)  You know sluts and nightlife just go hand-in-hand.  

It almost scares me that he is going to have weekends off since I have to ask in advance for a weekend and usually end up having to use a personal day or vacation day to get a Saturday off.  I guess I better get the f*ck on board, or I'll never see him again, because lord knows there is no such thing as a "weekend" at my current job.  I haven't had a proper holiday break in three years, nor have I had a Thanksgiving home with my family in three years.  I truly hope something pans out soon.  I've sacrificed to many important dates that I should have been with my family and friends these past years I've been sucked into the black hole that is retail.  I've had a couple of great interviews in the past week and have been applying non-stop.  Something has to give soon... I can feel it.  When the day comes that I get a new job, and believe me, it will come soon, I'm going to celebrate within an inch of my life.   Like, champagne, drugs, a three day bender in Woodstock.... I want to go all out. 

Halloween was pretty awesome this year... I didn't even get too wild, which is always a win for me.  I dressed as The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo ( I know, I'm boring... I dressed as the same thing two years ago; but I like to think I did it MUCH better this time around).  I went to Highline after work with two of my close friends, my boyfriend was able to get out early and then we went back to BK and went to Verboten where I must have blacked out because I barely remember it.  When I awoke November 1st, I had a broken wine glass in the bathroom, my friends asleep on the couch, and half eaten tacos and tostadas scattered throughout the apartment.  I'd say it was a very successful night ;) 

The partying did not end there though- My bf just celebrated a birthday which basically entailed three straight nights of partying... good thing we were both off of work.  I had almost forgotten what it was like to go out on a Friday night for dinner and drinks when the rest of the world is off.  It was a nice change. 

My Lisbeth Salander (aka "The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo") look for Halloween.  Note the awesome bleached brows, fake piercings, chopped black wig, and fake tattoo....  I really outdid myself this year. 

Black on Black- mostly just an everyday look for me ;) I like my clothes to match my soul.

Naturally, unlike Lisbeth who dresses like a conservative goth-type, I needed to slut it up with painted on leggings, a crop top, and 7 inch platform Jeffrey Campbell Booties... you know how I do. 

Other than spending hours every day searching for better jobs, I have been doing a ton of cooking and went to the last two concerts I had planned this year.  I went to see Garbage with a girlfriend a few weeks ago.  Shirley Manson effing rocks!  Not to mention the fact that she is 50 and hot as ever.  The venue where we saw her was also amazing.  I went to see Chris Cornell (of Soundgarden) play a solo, acoustic show, about a week after that.  I saw him play at the Beacon Theater, which is located on the upper West Side.  That theater was also beautiful- super old, gorgeous architecture and interior.  

Chris Cornell is by far the best concert I have been too this year.  His voice and talent are just amazing- he rivals Jeff Buckley for me in terms of best male voice.  He also had a very powerful stage presence.  Too bad his wifey was watching in the wings... jk ;) lol.  He is fucking hot though....

The ceiling of the Beacon Theater... so pretty.  

I think my ultimate goal for the future is to have my own restaurant.  My brother and I have been discussing the idea a lot recently.  We both love cooking, I think I like more labor intensive meals with rich sauces, and touches that take more time to put together.  However, he has been foraging a lot for wild mushrooms etc. lately, so we are thinking eventually we can have a restaurant where we combine organic or foraged food and incorporate that into cooking.  This is what's for din din tonight:

I just can't quit that red meat....