Catch a Man a Fish

"Catch a man a fish and he will eat for one day, teach a man to fish and he will eat for a lifetime." - No Clue


"Cook a man a meal and he will eat tonight, teach a man to cook and he will cook for you." -  ;)

I taught my boyfriend how to make a simple thing like meatballs and now I've basically assumed the role of sous-chef in my own GD kitchen... we all know I'm the only GD chef around these parts!!!! haha.  We (he) have been making some pretty incredible meals lately.  I was the one who was like a culinary goddess and now it's like my boyfriend is a goddamn three-star Michelin Chef!!!!   I don't want this blog to turn into a food blog by any means (we all know I'm a narcissist and this blog is about me, not food), but I have to post a couple of pictures because the plating is unreal... and because this is my blog, and I'll do whatever the f*ck I want:

The first dish:  Polenta with sauteed mushrooms, a creamy-gorgonzola sauce, topped with an egg and shaved truffles.  Oink oink!!! 

The main course:  squid ink pasta with octopus!  I think it's safe to say I have a new obsession with the octopus... 

A real woman is not afraid to chop the eyes off the octopus and pop their disgusting, little beaks out of their bodies.  I know... I'm gross.  I can't help it, there is something so satisfying about popping the beaks out, even though they're gross as fuck.  It must be the same primal reason that humans love picking their skin... gross.   

The glorious, black truffle.  Goddamn I love Chelsea Market!!!   You can find all of the foods there that you can't find at any other grocery stores.  

I submitted my trial article yesterday to Untitled, so now it's another waiting game.  I really want to hear back.  It's so hard to find that fine line though, when you're writing for someone else, between giving them what they want and what you really want to say.  Reading the other articles on Untitled, it's clear that most of them aren't written with the voice of the author- that is to say they are informative and non-biased... there isn't a lot of personal detail or experience that goes into them.  I usually write the way that I speak (hence why this blog is so foul-mouthed and all over the place and narcissistic (I love talking about myself)).  So for me, when I am writing an article for another publication, it's hard to know when I need to draw that line.  If I said what I really wanted to say all the time, and talked openly about all of the crazy shit that I do, I'm quite sure I might be in trouble. lol.  Well, not necessarily trouble, but like, there are clearly some things that even though people might want to read about, I can't necessarily talk about unless of course it's the right time, place, and type of publication.  If I could be as open about my life as Cat Marnell, I'd be a happy person (not that I aspire to live a life like Cat Marnell, but I do appreciate the fact that she doesn't give two fucks and she tells it exactly like it is).  Anyhow... for now at least I have this blog, and my book, which never seems to be ending. 

I found this little gem saved on the photos that this blog saves; I don't think I ever published it because I sent it to my brother and he said my lips looked like two, gross worms.  However, I love this photo because it basically sums up my life.  I took this photo after I spent about 10 hours straight sobbing (I won't tell you why... it's private ;) ). haha.  However, I tried dosing myself to sleep with a painkiller, and even that didn't make me knock out.  When I woke up the next morning after approximately one hour of restless sleep, my lips were so swollen (along with the rest of my face), that I just had to take a picture.  My poor eye-lids were like so big I could hardly see out of my eyes... I should have snapped a photo of that as well.

Some may say it's a bit too premature to be thinking about Halloween, but I'm already planning my costume for next year.  Last year I was Lisbeth Salander from The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo.  This year,  I'm going to be Axl Rose!!!!  I can't fucking wait.  I love Halloween and dressing up soooo much.  I'm already plotting what I'm going to wear- I'm thinking some white, men's boxer briefs, a leather jacket, a plaid shirt tied around my waist, a bandana, and maybe some white tube socks with my Jeffries (Gotta sex it up a little bit afterall ;) .   I love Guns n' Roses... and Axl Rose... man, he was so hot...

I've had such a productive morning/afternoon (technically afternoon, since I woke up at 12, but it feels like morning since I just woke up).  I should have half-days at work more often!!!! ;)  Or just a better job... ;)   Anyhow, I'm gearing up for vacation with my family.  I can't wait to eat some clam chowder and fresh Maine lobster and maybe rent bikes or a boat and chill for a few days in nature.  

My Festive Week: A Recap

My week started off with a serious hangover and a serious come-down following last Saturday's conert.  The Soundgarden/Nine Inch Nails concert was amazing... although it is kind of a hazy, blur due to excessive alcohol/substance abuse.  I basically remained in a state of intoxication from about 4pm until 4am... JUST like I said I wanted to !!! haha.  I started drinking on the Rocks Off party bus at around 4:30pm after boarding.  Everyone on the bus was cool- wild, but nice.  People were smoking weed in the bathroom and even in the aisle... it was all fun and games until the bus broke down on the NJ Turnpike about 20 minutes away from the PNC Arts Center where the concert was....

There was no saving this tire... we were fucked.  Good thing that couple let us hop in their Uber car... although I'm sure they regretted it after I wouldn't shut up.

I'm quite positive that everyone on the bus was thoroughly intoxicated at that point and several people hopped off to assess the damage and chain smoke their cigs.  A lot of people started to call cars since we worried another bus wasn't going to make it in time to get us to the concert.  After about 20 minutes or so, my boyfriend and I hopped into an Uber car that another couple had called.  I'm pretty sure I was terrorizing them unintentionally in my drunken state- I asked them how they met and when the woman replied 'on Match.com,' I didn't know what else to say, so I launched into this story I read in Vogue about a 65 year old woman meeting the love of her life on Match.com.  I am so obnoxious when I'm drunk... Kill me.

By the time we arrived at the venue, we both had to pee in the WORST way (I'm pretty sure I had consumed about 5 vodka-seltzers by that point....   The lines for the bathroom were SO INCREDIBLY long that I decided maybe I would run across the parking lot and pee in the woods... it seemed like a really good idea at the time.  I mean, there was a line of like 40 people waiting to use a Port-o-Potty....

As I approached the out limits of the parking lot, I realized that in front of the woods, was another venue of sorts... with two security guards sitting out front.  I was shameless; I used all of my drunken, feminine charm, and pleaded, "I really REALLY have to use the bathroom and the lines are too long, Please Please PLEASE can I go in there?"  They seemed happy to oblige and smiled and said "Sure, no problem."  Good thing I was dressed like a total slut... I'm sure that helped me out in this particular situation.  Upon entering the venue, I realized I had crashed a wedding reception.  I walked onto a dance floor where everyone was wearing semi-formal gowns and I could see the bride across the room.  I bolted for the bathroom and as I was washing my hands, saw a group consisting of bride's maids, and possibly the mother of the bride talking about where they got their nails done.  I looked like trash, standing there in my leather tights, 6 inch platforms, and crop top... I felt remorseful, even in my inebriated state.  I bolted back out and met up with my boyfriend and we went to find our seats.

The venue was very confusing, and the seat and aisle numbers were VERY difficult to read, especially as we were inebriated.  We bounced around at least three times during the show... but we had pretty decent seats.  Again, I acted the fool and was talking to all of the people around me every time we moved seats.  I need a babysitter at all times... a sober babysitter who will look after me and control me, since I clearly can't control myself.

Chris Cornell, Have my babies!!! ... Nine Inch Nails, I'll have your babies too!!! JK... no babies for me.  Not now... not ever. 

The concert itself was amazing.  It's a bit fuzzy... but amazing.  The highlights for me were definitely 'Closer' and 'Black Hole Sun'.  I posted numerous FB statuses regarding wanting to have Chris Cornell's babies (classy), and then decided I needed food.  I left my purse and cell phone with my boyfriend and went to find food.  After I realized that every little concession stand had a line of about 15 people, and the concert was still raging on and I was missing out, I said 'fuck this shit,' and went back to find my seat.  HOWEVER, I couldn't find my seat.  I was lost.  I panicked and started to tear up.  It felt like the time I was playing in the clothing racks of the department store when I was shopping with my mom and lost her.  I was searching frantically, however, it's hard to find seats in the dark and in a state of drunkeness.  Luckily, a nice lady who was working as an usher helped me back to my seat.
 

Not sure when this was taken... it kind of looks like my fall though.  Perhaps my phone went off when I bit the earth and lost my make up bag, my jacket, and my fucking dignity.  Either way, this photo truly captures the feel of the evening.... ;)

My boyfriend and I rode home with two of our friends who had also gone.  On the way to their car, I somehow lost my make up bag.  Do you even know just how fucking precious a woman's make up bag is??? The cost of makeup is ridiculous.  I estimate I lost about $140 worth of makeup.  I have no clue where it went since I didn't even re-apply my makeup at any point.  Maybe it went flying out of my purse when I tripped and fell in the grass as I was running towards their car.. that's also when I lost the little jacket that was tied around my waist.  Hey, at least I didn't lose my keys or my wallet.

Naturally, even though I was a complete mess, I wanted to keep going.  We ended up going to Highline (go figure), and I got to see a few of my friends that were working.  I vomited at Highline (I think in a garbage can... fucking kill me now), and then we left and went to the Brass Monkey on W. 12 street.  One of my other friends wanted me to come to 1oak, but we were in no shape to get admitted their... I am quite sure I looked like shit at that point in the night.  I'd been drinking all day so I probably looked prego in my crop top, and since I didn't reapply makeup once, I'm sure my zits were out in full force.  However, I kept going, and I kept going HARD.  As per usual, I won't and can't go into details for the purposes of discretion, but I am a true mess when I go wild.

After the Brass Monkey, we went to local dive bar on 14th.  It's all a blur after we left that spot.  I vaguely remember getting home and what happened after that.

When I woke up Sunday, I vomited multiple times, including my kitchen floor.... You know you're fucked when even the thought of putting water in your mouth is enough to make you vomit up bile as you lay crying on your kitchen tiles...  I had the spins and was sweating profusely until about 6pm when I finally was able to manage to eat half a bag of Cheetos and drink like a gallon of Red Gatorade.  The hangover cure of champions!!!!  My boyfriend made me a delicious carbonara which also helped cure the hangover.

GOOD NEWS (I HOPE):

I heard back from untitled-magazine.com and they want me to go ahead and write a trial article  :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D    So exciting!!!!!!!  I'm submitting my article on Monday, and I will post a link in my next entry.  I'm so fucking excited it's unreal... I should probably be slapped.  If they like my article, I get to write more... I love writing ;)

Sorry, I didn't take any selfies of my concert outfit.  I was bloated and ugly that day anyhow. Why is it that my skin always decides to break out right before something social or important?  I'm not sure...  but it sure does kill my confidence when it happens.  Furthermore, my hair was a white person's version of an Afro.  You know how it do.

I have been doing a lot of cooking with my boyfriend these past few weeks.  We are gearing up for that meatball video for Kickstarter.  I know that I said I was going to film it come Hell or high-water this past Sunday, but my hangover was just too severe.  It was debilitating.

Well, now that that concert is over, it's time to start planning some other things to look forward to and keep me motivated.  Writing this article for Untitled is definitely motivation in itself- I am so happy to start writing for a site and a larger audience again.  I am going to continue the search for another full-time job as well... I have to get out of my current job before I go insane.  I am also planning another mini trip to Woodstock, and hopefully a larger vacation further away too!!!! God I love planning vacations and fun activities... I think that should be my job ;) I'm really good at it.

Octopussy- I love food.

I am gearing up for the Nine Inch Nails/Soundgarden concert this Saturday... I have literally been waiting all summer, fucking salivating over the songs on my Pandora stations (and salivating over Chris Cornell... jk- but not really...) waiting for this epic concert.  I know, I'm pathetic ;)

No, but honestly.... I have only been this excited for a concert once before... well maybe twice before;  I was pretty stoked for Silverchair the summer I was 19 (I was in love with Daniel Johns at the time) and pretty excited for the Kings of Leon concert at Madison Square Garden that my sister got me tickets for.  I've never been to an outdoor arena concert before, and the fact that my boyfriend and I are taking a party bus is very exciting to me... this way I we can get wasted and not worry about anything.  PERFECT :D Not to mention, this is literally the first weekend I had had off in months.  I NEVER take weekends off since it isn't really conducive to my schedule, but the fact that I'm going to party hard on a Saturday night and then spend Sunday hungover as fuck (like a normal person) is kind of thrilling to me. I usually party on a Sunday or in the middle of the week and hate my life because I still have to go into work at like 1pm or 4pm the next day.

I know- the video is pretty freaky-deaky, but I can't wait to hear this song live!

And of course I can't wait to hear this classic...   

I think Sunday afternoon, despite whatever hangover or come down I'm dealing with after Saturday's festivities, I want to try to film that Kickstarter video for "Not Your Grandma's Meatballz" (please refer to previous entry if you're wondering what "Not Your Grandma's Meatballz" is).  I have to get this shit up and running.  I've been making some pretty epic meals lately.  Last weekend, my boyfriend and I decided to cook Octopus (hence the title of this blog).  We purchased a 2.4 lb. Octopus at Chelsea Market and after reviewing a few Youtube videos on how to properly cook the octopus, we made the most delicious pasta of all time... here are some pictures documenting the best pasta I've ever had:

Not very appetizing looking, I know.  The texture was so weird; part of me cringed everytime I touched it, and another part of me wanted to keep feeling it... I'm a freak.  I was proud of myself though, because I cut its eyes out and took the beak out... I'm such a badass.

Yes, those are corks in the water.  The youtube video we watched on how to cook it instructed us to put corks in the water because apparently they prevent the meat from becoming rubbery due to some chemical compound, and also they help eliminate the fishy odor.  

Cutting the cooked octopus up... a man's job. 

I made the sauce from scratch... it was so F*cking good... 

The finished product... voila!  

The weekend before was a total meatball fest... we made both Swedish meatballz and meatballz with mini mozzarella ballz in the center... needless to say I'm now morbidly obese.  

I will be sure to post a blog sometime next week to update you on the meatball project on Kickstarter (I'm sure I'll look like absolute hell after partying all night Saturday), and probably throw up some slutty pictures of whatever slutty outfit I wear to this concert (you know how I do... there is a reason I won't get Instagram...).  Hmm... decisions decisions.  I know that it's an outdoor arena, but how can a high-heel slave such as myself really forgo high heels ????  I can't.  Besides, an extra 6 inches will help me see over the crowd.   I'm sure I'll end up wearing my Jeffrey's as per usual with pants down to my crotch (what's new?) and some shirt up to my tits.   I can't help it.   Whatever...  It's summer.   Better flaunt that shit before it's gone someday anyhow... (and by "someday" I mean like, three months from now, after I've overdosed on meatballs and my boyfriend's carbonara and one-too-many bottles of Rose to my face night after night).  I'm so classy ;) 

Sigh.  

God bless summer.  and food.  and the freedom to dress half naked.  God bless America.   And rose.  And life.  

A post about nothing and meatballz

Sitting here bored out of my mind... it's my first day off after seven straight days of working either a 4pm-1am or 1-10pm shift, and yet I am not even enjoying it because I have no plans tonight.  I know... you're probably thinking, "cry me a river bitch," well, perhaps I will...  The way I see it, I spent all day catching up on the things I needed to do (ex. groceries, cleaning, job-searching, etc), and now I wish I could go out and have some fun, but alas, everyone fun is working, my friends, boyfriend, everyone....

In other news, today wasn't a total failure, because I heard back from a writing job I applied to over a month ago.  Untitled-Magazine contacted me and wanted me to submit three proposals for topics to write about... if they like any of my topics, they will let me write the article for possible publication, which is f*cking awesome!!!!!!  :D :D :D :D :D <---- that's me right now.  I'll be the happiest girl in the world if they want me to be a contributing writer, if not... I'll drown my sorrows in alcohol and drugs (jk) and turn instead to my next brilliant idea, "NOT YOUR GRANDMA'S MEATBALLZ."

Yep, that's correct ladies and gentlemen, my boyfriend and I want to make a kickstarter account where we acquire funding to travel the world learning about meatballs in different areas, making a compilation of recipes from various regions, turning said recipes into a cookbook in addition to an online cooking show, and send a portion of the proceeds to foodbanks across the nation (or maybe the ASPCA.. we haven't quite figured out all of the details yet).  The idea was born out of our love of meatballs, my love of cooking, his love of pasta, and the day we spent last week making two different types of meatballs (Swedish meatballs with pumpernickel and granny smith apples, and spicy meatballs with mozzarella balls inside).  It's no wonder I've packed on about ten pounds in the past couple of months... I'm lucky I'm not morbidly obese at this point.

Anyhow, my boyfriend came up with the idea for a kickstarter account involving the meatball project we had in mind... I mean, if people can garner upwards of $50,000 to make potato salad on kickstarter, why the fuck not give it a go? We are going to make a short video explaining our idea as well as providing a cooking segment on how to make basic meatballs.  Anyhow, the project is going to be called "Not Your Grandma's Meatballz."  Stay tuned, I will be sure to post links on this blog and my facebook once it is up and running... and yes, this is one project I intend to fully follow through with.  So believe me when I say, it will be up and running within the next month or so.

In other-other news, I have resumed work on my book.  I thought I was finished and had started editing it, but then I just had so much more to say because my life suddenly took a turn for the wild and exciting.  I wonder if I will ever be done... maybe when my life mellows out and flatlines and I live a more boring existence I will have nothing left to say and then it will be done.  Honestly, I hope to never see that day though.  I guess I better just wrap it up and call it good.

I think I also need to start a kickstarter account to fund a multi-thousand dollar shopping spree, because I have seriously been wearing the shit out of these boyfriend Jeans from Hco since I bought them two months ago.  I LOVE THEM, but I need new clothes... contributions anyone???? ;)  Later this night, I barfed all over myself in Electric Room.. always keeping it classy. 

I've been thinking a lot about resumes and how much they either tell or don't tell about a person.  I'm starting to think resumes are complete bullshit.  I mean, I know they are an integral part of applying to jobs and crucial to whether or not an applicant gets called for an interview, but honestly, how would someone know how amazing I am simply from looking over my resume of shitty, dead end jobs that I really only ever worked at out of desperation for money as opposed to an actual desire to work for said company? I want to establish a new breed of resume where people brag about the skills that they pride themselves on and other people appreciate and take note of.  I think I want to revise my resume to include all of my truly defining and mostly endearing characteristics and skill set.  If in the real world, a person's character and defining personality traits and most cherished talents were considered, I'm pretty sure I would have found my dream job a while ago.... 

I cannot wait for the Soundgarden/Nine Inch Nails concert I'm going to in August!!!!  I've been on a real 90's kick lately and have 'Shine' by Collective Soul and 'I Alone" by Live playing on repeat.  I'm so pumped... I've never even been to an outdoor concert!!!  Well, minus the exception of some blues festival I went to... but that certainly isn't the same as NIN...  I also have some other goals I MUST accomplish before this summer is over.   I've never been to a 'proper' NYC brunch- you know, the kind that takes place on a rooftop and is basically like a club/raging party happening during the day... I need to check that off my list.  Also, I want to do an afterhours party, since the afterhours party I intended to go to on New Years Day was a no go and I still haven't been to one!  I am also going to Maine on vacation with my family in August which I am looking forward to since I missed out on the last family vacation.  This summer is thankfully shaping up to be much more exciting and productive than last years... :) 

What a Year/I Just Scrubbed My Toilet

June 29th, 2am

Dear readers, this is what my life has come to... scrubbing my toilet and folding laundry on a Saturday night.  WTF.  I am in my prime and this is how I spend a Saturday night?  The nicest stomach I will ever have, the nicest ass I will ever have, the most fun I will ever be, and I sit home in a pair of sweats at my computer.  See... I knew I should have kept looking for a part time job on the weekends so as to prevent this type of boredom!

I mean I had some fun on Thursday night this week, and that ended very badly (I won't go into details).  I also had lots of fun on Monday night, and that too ended badly (again, I CAN'T go into details...).  I will say that I met some really cool and interesting people, but I really need to control myself.  Jesus.  Will I ever learn my limit????  I mean, I technically know my "limit" but sometimes it is fun to push it a little ;)  especially when fun people and fun situations and fun places are involved... oh well.  I won't tell you about my rebel antics, I'll let you guess what fun things I may or may not have been up to ;)

Sometimes I don't even know who I am anymore.  The shit that I do on a regular basis I never would have imagined myself doing a few years ago... who am I??? (<----  said in manner of Derek Zoolander staring into the puddle at his reflection).  Oh well.  It's a fun ride, even if the consequences of my actions make me doubt my future and leave me in emotional turmoil.  Maybe it isn't a fun ride seeing that statement... actually, perhaps it is good that I'm sitting here bored out of my fucking mind instead of getting wasted and emotional.

FML.

My party earlier this month was a success I think....  It was really fun and I think that the people who came enjoyed themselves.  I definitely have enough liquor left over for a few more parties seeing as how we bought $400 worth of liquor and wine at cost... I'm talking $6 bottles of bubbly and $2 bottle of rose.  Needless to say I haven't made a trip to the wine or liquor store in the last few weeks following my party ;)   However, my c*nty building manager wrote me a nice email informing me that one of my guests left a bottle of wine in the elevator... and asked me if I wanted to watch the video surveillance so that I could identify which guest it was.  What a fucking c*nt.  I should post a copy of the email she sent... it is so offensive and ridiculous.  Then again, this is the same bitch that sent me an email on a rainy day and asked me to move my umbrella from the hallway where I left it to drip-dry into my apartment... what a psycho.

I've been feeling extra crazy lately.  I am not really sure why... but it is a good thing that I'm going upstate on Monday with my boyfriend and friends.  Hopefully I can unwind a bit.  I don't like to be this crazy... It's definitely not a good when my insanity is paired with alcohol and other crazy people.  Whatever.  I guess I'm still young enough to be crazy, though I don't really like being crazy.  Sometimes it's fun, but mostly it's not.



JULY 5th, 2am

Dear readers, I'm back from a blissful trip upstate with my boyfriend and a couple of friends.  I wish I was still there...

This was the view from the tower of the place we rented... fucking amazing.  I am in LOVE with airbnb.com.  Here a more photos of the place... it was on a mountain with tons of woods surrounding it and an awesome deck and hot tub... https://www.airbnb.com/rooms/776525?s=aVj0   I wanted to convince the owner to let me live there for the next month or two and renovate the place- I wouldn't even charge her; she could just let me stay for free and provide me with wine and cheese.... Oh well, I'm back in the city now.  Time to start planning my next trip before the NYC insanity sets back in... Lord help me and my boyfriend and my friends and my family....

Anyhow... despite the fact that we were only there for a few days, the trip was great and exactly what I needed to unwind.  We did a lot of grilling ( I consumed upwards of 10 hotdogs over the course of two days), explored the town, watched the USA soccer match with the locals in a little bar, hung out in the hot tub, and consumed far too much alcohol.  We even invited a random local back to hang out with us... it was too fun.   I think I need a good, solid month of that type of lifestyle.  I am so chill and nice to be around when I'm not working at the job I hate or dealing with city life and all of the stress that goes with it.  

I cannot believe how fast this past year has flown by... it's incredible.  Today is the one year anniversary of the first date with my boyfriend... the most epic date in history (I like to think so anyhow... it sure is the best date I ever had).  In honor of this epic occasion, I will give you a brief history of the events/circumstances leading up to this date.

I had a major crush on my boyfriend for months before he asked me out.  When he finally asked me on a date, I couldn't believe that it was real life.   Well, as you all know from previous entries, we used to work together.  Back then, I was a server in addition to doing late-night door hostessing.  We were set to go on this date on July 5th.  The night before our first date, which was last July 4th, Highline hosted a Verboten party and I was serving.  I became incredibly intoxicated along with one of my friends since the party was relatively boring and the bartender kept giving us shots.  By the end of the night, all hell broke loose and though I won't go into details (for all of our sakes), I acted the fool.  I remember being in a cab on the way home at like 6:30am (those parties went until 5/6am), and the sun was up and it was already hot as fuck outside.  I got home to my apartment and proceeded to order a large burger and fries which I half-devoured before throwing the rest to my then-foster-cats.  

When I woke up around 11am, I found the half eaten burger, had the spins, and could still taste the Jameson on my breath.  I felt disgusting and then the panic of what I had said/done the night before set in.  I was pretty sure that in addition to not wanting to go out with me after seeing me in my drunken state the night before, that my boyfriend was also probably going to fire me since I was drunk at work.  Alas, he texted me a few hours later and we met up around 5pm for a drink at the Gansvoort hotel rooftop before going on a sailboat cruise down the Hudson.  The date lasted about 15 hours and I still smile thinking about it.  

It feels like we've only been dating a few months even though today officially makes it a year... it's been a great year in my life- I've done a lot of new things, gone on a lot of adventures, learned a lot about myself, learned a lot about other people, and had way more fun than I probably should have- JK, one can NEVER have too much fun ;)    

Summer at Last...

Now that summer is back in *almost* full swing, I'm feeling significantly more hopeful and positive towards the future.  After being offered yet another internship that I am forced to decline due to the fact I need to pay rent and eat, my job search has come to a minor halt due to my preoccupation with a mini get-away, planning a party, and focusing on getting healthy (more so both mentally and emotionally than physically).  I'm pretty sure in my last blog, I mentioned the fact that Muse Magazine wanted to hire me as a summer editorial intern but sadly, I was forced to decline since I can't possibly work 40 unpaid hours every week and still maintain myself.  Well today I woke up to find another great internship offer with a similarly awesome art/fashion/entertainment publication, Seen Heard Known.  Godfuckingdammit!!!!!!  Why don't I hear back from any paying jobs I apply to?  Clearly people like the writing samples I send them.... what gives?!  Oh well.  I am still editing my book and plan on sending rough drafts of it out to friends and family soon so I can get some real feedback (I'll probably be committed/institutionalized after my family finds out how crazy I really am... ).

Speaking of crazy and my current level of sanity, I am back to a level yellow after reaching an escalated  level red on Sunday.  Let's just say that once again, my friends really pulled through for me and helped to keep me on track in the midst of a very major melt-down.  It also helps that I got out of the city for a day and went to the North Fork of Long Island to enjoy some clean air and wine with my boyfriend.  I swear to God, being in this concrete jungle for too long really makes my stress/anxiety/insanity levels sky-rocket when I don't have a means of escape....

The little beach we found at the end of the road... It was so unfortunate that it was cloudy and about 55 degrees that day.  Oh well, I guess I'll just have to start planning the next vacation ;)

Croteaux Vineyards specialized in Rose wine (my summer   year-round staple ;)  ).  YUM!!!!  The place was awesome- they had a huge outdoor, stone patio with tons of seating, an indoor space in a barn on ground-level, and an indoor loft over-looking the vineyard.  If we didn't have to drive back to the city, I can assure you I probably would have had to have been carried home wasted... 

Thankfully for me, and everyone involved in my immediate life that otherwise has to deal with me, I am on vacation for the remainder of the week, right through until Tuesday.  I am going Upstate tomorrow thru Sunday to visit my family.  I cannot wait- I haven't seen my brother since Christmas and he is home from Arizona so I plan on hanging out with him and my cousin like the good ol' days of yore. Haha... they always help me stay grounded and keep me on track in regards to my weekly lapses of sanity and fickle emotions.   Despite the fact that I am going Upstate though, I have taken a vow not to over-due it on the home cooking of my parents.  No sir, no can do.  It's a known fact that everytime I go Upstate, no matter how vigilant I say I'm going to be in regards to resisting the chip drawer, my mother's extra-fatty home cooking, and my dad's non-stop grilling, I always end up going on a three day binge.  It's like a fucking three-day steak-potatoes-cheese-chips-sweets-crabcake-and lasagna bender every single time I'm home.  I am on a very strict 'summer body' plan at the moment though, and I will absolutely not indulge myself no matter what my parents cook for me (my mom already told me today she is making me crab-cakes tomorrow night and my father already informed me we are going out for dinner on Saturday... I swear to God they're trying to sabotage me...).  JK.  I love people who feed me.  

Don't mind the hipster glasses... I was obviously feeling decently attractive this day (hence why I'm even posting these narcissistic photos) and felt like playing dress-up.  PS... this swimsuit makes my boobs look absolutely ginormous... not a fan.  

Also, now that I've joined the rest of the world and have an iphone, I can use cool filters like this one... which makes me look incredibly tan!!!!  haha.  I attempted to faux-tan my body the day I took this and it ended badly with discoloration around my elbows and knees and splotches on my legs. I'm slowly becoming convinced it doesn't matter if you have the most expensive faux tanner in the world- unless you have a professional to apply it to your naked body it's nearly impossible to make look natural by yourself, which is a goddamn shame considering I'm the color of Casper naturally. 

This is what I'm currently working with.  I am determined not to go overboard on mozzarella and proscuitto or crab cakes and steak this week so that come next week I can have the dream-body I'm trying to get.  I'm almost there... I just want to tone my bottom half a bit more.  Too bad for me I can already hear the Cheetos that my mom keeps in the snack drawer at home calling my name.... "Kelsey, Kelsey!  Put me in your mouth!  Lick the cheese off me, chew me up and swallow me!!!!"  LOL... I'm sick.  

I'll end this blog by listing the things I'm looking forward to, since I like to keep it positive these days:

1.  MY PARTY!!!!!!!!!  I haven't thrown a good party in years.  I can't wait. 

2.  HOME!!!!!  I can't wait to see my brother and cousin and my baby (Bijou  <3). 

3.  Soundgarden and Nine Inch Nails concert with my boyfriend in August!!!!!  I can't fucking wait... Chris Cornell... yum ;)

4.  Planning another mini vacation home in July.  I want to go mushroom hunting!!!!  lol... can you tell I don't get nearly enough time outdoors in nature these days???  It's like as soon as I was on the stretch of highway that hits Suffolk county and has woods on either side I could finally breath in deep for the first time in over a month a couple of days ago when I got out of the city.

5.  Finally letting people read my book (even though I may end up with no friends, family, or being thrown into the mental asylum after they finish it... ).  

Sunday is the New Friday...

This blog is a long overdue in the making.  In addition to a little update on my new weekend routine post Highline life, I will also recollect my shitty week for your reading pleasure :)  Don't worry though- I'll keep it positive by sharing all that is in fact positive in my life, and Perhaps I will even throw in a *bonus* short-story at the end of this blog, for additional reading pleasure.... lucky you ;)  

Let's start with a little update regarding my new 'weekend' routine since my departure from Highline a month and a half ago.  As I previously suspected upon my initial resignation from my hostessing job, everything I estimated happening has happened.  It has, in fact, been a somewhat difficult transition to make, going from working non-stop on the weekend to finding ways to occupy my time every Friday and Saturday night.  That is to say, I either go out to keep busy and somehow end up getting piss-ass drunk due to the fact that I don't like to eat before I don a skin-tight ensemble or stomach baring top, or I sit home feeling sorry for myself and making half-hearted attempts at being productive.  HOWEVER, I've been making some adjustments these past two weekends and finding more of a balance.  Let's hope that I can keep it up... I'm feeling slightly more mentally sound than I was when I first quit.  However, I must admit that even though I can go out on the weekends now (like a "normal" <--- ewww, "normal" YUCK) person, going out on the weekends is overrated.  Weekends are when every Tom, Dick, Harry, and Joe goes out.  Weekends are bridge and tunnel.  Weekends are boring, 9-5 office jobs.  Weekends are not as cool as going out on a Sunday night or a random Wednesday (which is still when I prefer to go out as long as I'm off).  Oh well, you can't always get what you want. 

The first few weekends were rough, and alternated between me going out and getting obliterated, and/or going psycho as a result, or me sitting home and doing nothing as a result of my plans falling through, and thusly getting anxiety and trying my best NOT to go psycho.  I think I'm finally getting better though... last weekend I stayed in one night and was productive, applying to jobs and scrubbing my apartment, and the following evening, I went out and managed to control myself and only consumed three drinks total.  I was proud of myself for fighting the urge to go hard or go home, which is my usual approach when I go out.

As is custom, I ALWAYS close on Friday and Saturday nights at my full-time job, which means that I don't get home until 10:30 or 11pm.  This works out nicely since my boyfriend is a work all night- it's the perfect opportunity to spend the evening going out with girlfriends or to spend by myself.  I have done a lot of self-reflecting these past couple of weekends and am feeling more at peace with the fact that my boyfriend is working at a nightclub and I'm not present.  It's definitely better for me this way... I have stopped freaking out over stupid shit now that I don't have to see all of the stupid sluts and hos in that joint.  I feel more in control than ever and am taking more pro-active steps in finding a better job and thusly more inner-peace and self satisfaction.  This brings me to my next subject...

The job search... AHHHH Yesss!  THE EVER GOING, ENDLESS, FUCKING JOB SEARCH!

One would think that after my last experience with an unpaid internship, and after all of the manifestos I've posted about not settling for another internship that does not pay, I would have fully given up on even applying to such internships...

Well, one is wrong.   I'm sorry, but when I scour craigslist for jobs, the vast majority of the job fields that I would like to end up have so many postings and listings for internships (many of which are at very prestigious companies), that they are hard to resist, even though I know they are unpaid.  It is a never ending cycle at times.  I think that the only way I could ever make an unpaid internship work, is if I had a part-time job that made me the same amount of money (or more) that I'm currently making working a 40-hour week, full time job.  That said, In order to work only a couple of days/nights a week and make enough money to live off so that I might work a 30-hour a week internship,  I would probably end up doing bottle service (clearly this isn't happening EVER... because 1.  I'm not tall or hot enough, and 2.  Because I never want to be associated or thought of as a dumb slut), or stripping (also not happening... sadly... but I do think I'd make a killing in this profession ;)   ).   I can't even think of any other jobs that would make me enough money to pay bills/rent with and that would require me to only work two nights a week (well, with a few VERY illegal exceptions *cough* PROSTITUTION *cough*).  

So, with that being said, and this is part of my account of my very shitty week mind you, I applied to an unpaid internship with MUSE Magazine... only THE single, greatest magazine in the world.  And, go figure, they got back to me and wanted to know if I could commit to working 30 hours a week... for no pay.  FML.  FUCK MY LIFE.  FUUUUCKKKKKK MYYYYYY LIIIIIIFFFFEEEE!  Goddammit. If it paid even a stipend, I might consider quitting my full time job to do this internship and scrambling to find a serving job or something just to make ends meet.  But I can't possibly do it while working a full-time, 40+ hour a week job.  In order to work 70 hours a week, I'd have to live on adderall and cocaine, and the sleep deprivation, coupled with said drugs, would make for a very, very unstable version of my already unstable self.  ; )  I can't even imagine... 

I wish I had enough money saved or no bills to pay so that I possibly could work for free for a three-month time period.  However, that isn't reality.  I sadly had to respond with an email stating that I couldn't commit... my fragile heart is breaking.  BREAKING. 

Why is it that all of the opportunities to get my foot in the door (so to speak) are fucking UNPAID internships???  How can I possibly find a paid writing gig, if I have to keep turning down these unpaid opportunities?  Jesus Christ.  I want to slap everyone in this city sometimes.  The concept of an unpaid internship is fucked.  In Europe- unpaid internships are illegal.  What is this?  A fucking third world country we are living in???? 

This was just the icing on my shit-cake of a week though.  LOL.. 'shit-cake of a week,'  - I'll have to remember that one for future usage, I quite like it ; )

Anyhow, I heard from my ex boyfriend out of the blue.  I won't go into detail because it isn't my right to exploit anyone online or exploit a past relationship that ceased to exist LONG ago, however, it really infuriated me and enraged me to the point that I can't bring myself to care even a *little bit* anymore.   That threw a mini wrench into my wheel... 

Immediately following that ordeal, I called my father to talk, and he informed me my grandma was in the hospital.... 

And than the maelstrom of it all came to a grand finale of being offered a great internship that I sadly, cannot afford to accept.  

Oh well, perhaps it will pan out in the end.  Kind of like that night that all of my plans fell through and it was only because they fell through, that I was home and able to save a woman in front of San Loco from getting raped because I called 911 when I heard her screaming at a guy who was coming onto her on the sidewalk... kind of like that... it's fate.  I was clearly meant to be home that night in order to fight crime, just as I clearly am not meant to work this internship because there is something else meant for my future.  (not that I really believe in any of that shit..., but I'll pretend because it gives me a false sense of hope).  

Oh man.  I at least have many things lined up to look forward to.  The most immediate is the fact that my friend called and is on her way over for a drink!!! :D  The next is that I'm off Sunday and have plans for a Sunday Funday with my boyfriend.  I feel like getting a little wild... in control of course, but wild nevertheless.  Nextly, I'm planning a little party to celebrate the beginning of summer.  I even ordered invites to send out via snail mail, so you know this shit is legit.  Nextly, I am going to plan a mini escape from the city... either upstate or perhaps the Hamptons.  We will see.  The point is, at least I have all of these great mini milestones to look forward to.  And as always, I am grateful to have the support of my friends, my family, and my boyfriend- no matter how shitty my week was, this is what keeps me together at the end of the day and motivates me to keep trying for everything I want in life. 

And now I'll leave you with a picture from my emaciated past.  At least I am not as poor as I was at this time last year when I was living off a bag of frozen peas and one loaf of bread per week... what is that saying?  "I wish I was as thin as I was when I thought I was fat"?  Yeah... that describes this photo