Nothing Starts the day off right like morning anxiety

Where is my life going?  OMG.  I have to be done fucking around at Macehole's.  I'm going no where.  Someone with two degrees, talent, and charm (JK) shouldn't be wasting their precious youth working part time at a Goddamn retail store in Binghamton, NY.  I have aspirations, I have money to make, I have a life to live, and it's not happening right now.  Tomorrow I will begin a full frontal assault on the job market.  I HAVE TO GET OUT OF HERE.  What was supposed to be a temp. summer job has moved into October.  I live at home for God's sake... do you know what that's like?!  I know a lot of people have to do it upon graduating and transitioning... but I'm done.  I'd rather live in a shitty apartment where I struggle to pay my bills and have to deal with a scum landlord, than live in this town another two months.  Surely someone will hire me.... right? I just want a full time job that pays bills and is slightly more tolerable than my current one... something a little less mundane, something that requires a bit more creativity and mind-power.  Sigh.  I have 8 hours of work today, so tomorrow morning on my day off, I will begin the feverish job search towards salvation.  I plan on applying to at least 10 places.

This past weekend my BF came to visit and I enjoyed two days of heaven on earth, and forgot about the sad reality that is my current existence for a while.  I haven't worked on my book in a while now, but I am on page 56 (single spaced) and will start work on it again this weekend.  As previously stated, the book I'm writing is based on 8 years worth of journal entries spanning from about age 13 to 21.  I'll throw in a little teaser for you bitches actually reading my crap blog:

7/26/01

I had dance tonight from 6:15-8:45.  I was very tired, but only temporarily, and now I can't sleep.  I feel really dumb keeping a journal, but oh well.  Right now it's 11:30 pm.  I hope I am moved up in a better ballet class, if I do well in summer dance.  Right now I am thinking about going on a diet... well, ok, I need a diet.  I am 5' 2" and a whopping 93 lbs.  My goal is to lose 5 lbs.  I hope 5'2" won't be my permanent height either.  I wish I could shrink my bones; I have a large ribcage and it makes me look fat.  I think I have skin cancer even though I'm only 13.  

....... and here's a little more from waaaayyy later on (ps... this was the first entry I wrote, they get MUCH more exciting and ridiculous as the months and years progress, haha):

9/15/2007

I am always losing some sort of fighting battle.  I had to spend $85 on a pair of jeans yesterday that make me look fatter than I already am.  They're size 28... WAIST SIZE 28.  MY WAIST IS FUCKING 24 INCHES, but because my ass is sooo huge (along with my thighs) I couldn't fit in any lower sizes.  Pathetic.  I was forced to by these expensive jeans by my domineering roommate, Katie, because she works at Bloomingdales in SoHo, and had a "super" discount she's been raving to me about for the past 6 months I've known her.  Well, you know what Katie?  Unlike you, I don't get $300 spending money from my parents every week.  I don't care if the jeans were originally $220 before the discount, $85 jeans still aren't in my budget.  Furthermore, I had to spend $25 on cab fare because I was running late and got lost, and then $20 on a subway card back, because I had no smaller bills and the fucking machine wouldn't take my debit.  In addition to this, Katie requested that I make dinner (and I thought I would, because I love cooking, and because she constantly picks up shit for me like $12 jars of Nutella, even though I tell her explicitly not to do so).  So, I went out of my way to make her stirfry.... I rushed home from Williamsburg where I helped my sister carry heavy-ass carpets for her new living room (through town, down subways, all over NYC, until I was sweating like the pig I am).  Katie and I were supposed to go out to the movies last night, but she had to work late.  Tonight, she also came home late, and despite the fact I slaved away in our tiny kitchen to make her supper, that bitch decided to eat fucking honey nut cheerios.  Then her obnoxious friend, Ernest, came over, and while I laid in bed waiting to turn off the lights and sleep, the sat there shooting the shit about FUCKING FASHION until 1:30 am.  Oh, and earlier when I told my sister, Laura, the story of the 28 jeans and 24 waist, she proceeds to fucking try and manipulate the steel tape measure around my waist and tells me I'm "at least a 25."  Bitch, I have on THREE layers of clothing right now, and have period bloat... and that's a steel tape measure.  Then later on she was looking at me with that one look she gives when I know she's about to make a comment about the way I look, and she says, "You know Lily, Maybe you should try parting your hair on the side."  Bitch, I know exactly what you're thinking... I'm a balding donkey and my face is so ugly I can't pull off a middle part.  Well, I tried parting my hair on the side, FYI, and I look like even more of a balding donkey, due to my receeding hairline, giant fivehead, and my ugly face being even more exposed.  So, I finally go to bed with the intent of never getting up again and laying there until I dehydrate and die, when Laura calls me seriously 5 times in a row, with 3 texts thrown in for good measure.  christ. I had to drag my ass out of bed at like 12 am, to send a text letting her know, I was in fact, still alive.  I am still in my pj's as I write this, with no intention of ever eating again.  

This entry actually goes on for a couple more pages, but shit gets real serious and I'm not ready to share the serious bits until the book is in it's entirety.  I'd also like to throw out there that all names have been changed for privacy purposes (even though if you know me and my life, you'll most likely know who everyone is, despite the name changes).  I'd also like to throw out there that the entry I posted from FIT was a rough time in my life... I'm pretty sure I had body dysmorphia (which I partially grew out of). hahaha.  I'd also like to say, that the aforementioned jeans in the previous entry now hang on me and can be pulled off without unfastening the button or unzipping... and my eating habits are way healthier today than they were 4 years ago.  I'd also like to throw out there that I love my sister, and she always wants what's best for me... I'm just a highly emo, sensitive girl, and take everything someone says to me and find offense in it. lol.  Sigh, some things never change :p



Anyhow, back to reality.  Yesterday I made caramel, candy encrusted apples to send to my bf.  I made the caramel myself (using butter, brown sugar, condensed milk, and corn syrup) and had to sample numerous times to make sure it was good.  I also had to sample the nuts, chocolate/white chocolate/peanut butter chips I threw onto the coated apples.  In doing so, I will most likely suffer a severe acne breakout starting tomorrow.  I am going to be spending Halloween in the city this year, and found the perfect costume... perfect because it's super sexy (you know I like that), very individual ( no other sluts will be dressed like me), and the character is sooooo like me in many ways (vicious, teasing, seductive). lol.  I'm going to be Molotov Cocktease from "The Venture Brothers" :

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OMJ6Q-8jnzk


I already have the essential elements of the costume, and no, I probably won't have my bodysuit ripped open quite as wide as the character's, because I don't want any nip-slips.  But I am very excited :D

Falling Leaves... so depressing, so beautiful

It's a weird realization when everyone has gone back to school and you haven't, when each fall has marked the start of a new school year for 17 years of your life.  I mean, I didn't want to go to grad school, but now I'm having second thoughts.  Yes, I'm still working at my shitty job, yes I still hate every last second I spend there.  Yes, I'm currently searching for jobs in the city, but it's difficult to do online, and on your days off when you have a hundred other things that need taken care of.  And Yes, I miss my boyfriend terribly (but hey, at least I'm not announcing it on FB like those other dumb bitches).

I had a weird rash on my hip when I woke up Sunday.  I thought perhaps it was a bugbite, but it began to spread up my side and onto my leg.  Being the hypochondriac that I am, I googled that shit immediately to see what it could possibly be:

1.  Bed Bugs... I thought to myself "if it is I'll die"

2.  Flea Bites... "If it is I'm a serious skank and will never touch another feral cat so long as I live"

3.  Worms.... "I'm never touching another feral cat, or letting my dog drink from my coffee cup again"

4.  Poison Oak/ Poison Ivy... "But I haven't had any naked romps in the woods recently!"

5.  Contact Dermatitis .... "I learned my lesson LAST TIME I used a new scented lotion"

6.  Flesh Eating Bacteria.... "I'm fucked."

After three days of serious freaking out, I went to the Doctor's.  He didn't know what the rash was, and said he'd never seen anything like it (great). I was slightly relieved when he ruled out bug bites.  He prescribed a super duper hydrocortisone cream, but nothing else (I was hoping he'd give me some antibiotics, just to be safe- luckily I keep a stash at home for instanced like these :D ), and he said to come back if it spread more or wasn't gone within a week.  At the last minute I recalled a little jaunt up a wooded embankment through the cemetery I had taken the Friday before the rash.  Ah ha!  The doctor decided I had probably rubbed up against a nasty plant and had some sort of allergic reaction.  Well, that's not really a good enough answer for a control freak, and I still needed to know specifically what my rash was and what had caused it.  Naturally, the fact that they "all knowing/fix anything" doctor didn't know EXACTLY what my rash was REALLY freaked me out, so upon returning home that night after a long, hard day at Macehole's, I got back on the internet to research (this is always a mistake because one starts believing they are going to die... For a while I had convinced myself I had Toxic Shock Syndrome).  I almost died when I took a bath and saw spots on my precious ass.  I'm not ashamed to admit I cried, and pleaded with the gods above that "I will never, ever again degrade or not appreciate what I've been given in life or what genetics I've been dealt, if you make these spots go away!"   God does exist, because when I woke up today, the spots were gone, and there was just a small hint of the original rash on my hip, which is clearly fading now.  I've learned to appreciate my health over the years every time I got sick and felt like complete shit, or saw someone in a wheelchair, or with a serious condition, but I guess I never really appreciated the health of my skin until now.   I will never take for granted the fact I live a life free of eczema, shingles, cystic acne, scars, or other things.

I thought I had escaped seeing hoards of stupid SUNY sluts when I graduated SUNY Oneonta, but working at a makeup counter in Macehole's, one sees many, many misinformed young women pass by on a daily basis.  The look is still the same:  Hair is bleached blonde, or dyed that really dark, almost-black brunette (do they have parties where they dye each other's hair?).   Skin:  Tanning-bed orange, with lots and lots of bronzer.  Eye Make Up:  Maximum eyeliner.  Other Make Up:  None of which to speak (it's all in the eyes baby).  Clothing:  Leggings, SUNY sweatshirt or Northface Jacket, Uggs, or leather riding boots.  Sigh.  I can't knock these girls too hard, because these seem to be the type of girls guys find really hot (though maybe that's because they're just dumb sluts).  But it really made me think about things.  I mean, at FIT, there were no sororities of which to speak, but when I transferred to Oneonta, there were a ton.  I never once got an invite to pledge.  Maybe I wasn't hot enough?  I don't know, but today (on my first day off in 6 days), I decided to see what I would look like as a stupid SUNY slut.  While I was doing laundry, I played around with some bronzer and eyeliner, and found my Tiffany & Co. Jewelry at the bottom of my accessory basket.  I straightened my hair and did that homely little center puff pull back that all of those girls seem to find cute.  I didn't have the desire to dye my hair black or blonde, so sadly I had to leave it red.  Here is the result:

*Sigh*  Not very convincing. LOL.... I must say that wearing that much makeup makes one sweat furiously!  I felt like a new baby when I washed it off my face.  

I don't really know what my fascination with this type of girl is... maybe I'm just jealous.  Maybe I'm resentful of all of the years I spent living a celibate, lonely life because the frat-boy type never went after me because I didn't fit the mould.  Maybe I felt inferior because this was the girl getting drunk and hit on with her ass cheeks hanging out in the middle of January, while I sat at the bar in my jeans with not a single bite from anyone.  The world will never really know, but for now, I will continue to hate on this type of girl and consider her a dumb ho for being such a conformist with such bad taste (Tiffany charms are soooo 2002).  

I think this will be an awesome weekend, mainly because I am not scheduled to work for once in my life.  I am going out tomorrow with a long lost friend, and a good friend who is still in school (and loves to hate on the type of girl seen above with me... that's what really brought us together in the first place I think :p ).   I can't wait!  Furthermore, my sister and brother-in-law are coming home for the weekend and we have the annual family picnic at my uncle and aunt's cottage Saturday (yes, all 8 of our family members will be in attendance... my family is SO small).  Oh well, it's an excuse to drink Sag (a delicious rum punch) and gain 10 lbs. from devouring my aunt's cheese tray, my dad's baked beans, and countless grilled sausages.  Sunday I have plans to make some homemade 'Mrs. Prindable's" apples (If you've never experienced a Prindable apple, you're missing out:  

http://www.qvc.com/qsearch/search.aspx

And so any first time readers out there don't think that's what I actually look like, here's a pic of me being a white dumb slut (as opposed to a fake tanned one). 

Hey, I worked all summer for these abs and the only person who sees them is my bf, like once a frickin month.  I might as well start eating all the cheesburgers I want at this rate. 

And on a closing note, the feral cats I have been feeding for like a month now are reaching that age where we absolutely MUST capture them (they need spayed/neutered so as not to produce more babies without homes).  The one I call Bijou (he's my little gay boy), is a little piggy and has almost doubled in size.  He has the daintiest meow ever (hence his name and the fact I believe him to be gay).  The black kitten, named Pot Pie (my mom threw out pot pie scraps one Sunday and the kitten ate it), is a girl (I'm pretty sure) is still really skittish and won't come too close.  Bijou has let me pet him and I even picked him up one day (maybe that's why I have this rash), hence why I am really set on letting him inside the home (once he's been neutered, bathed, and had flea meds applied).  Hopefully Pot Pie can be adopted after we get her spayed, but if not she will continue to be an outdoor cat that we will continue to feed, water, and provide with an outdoor shelter (I made a ridiculous hut for these cats using a kennel, tarp, and blankets... hopefully I can provide something less ghetto if Pot Pie stays here).  There is also a mom cat that we want to bring into get spayed (if we can catch her in a live trap).  Here are some photos for your viewing pleasure:

Here's Bijou being a piggy as usual (see the way he licks his chops? lmao)... one day my mom gave him a full english breakfast and he ate it ALL (there was an over-easy egg, and a breakfast sausage... no lie, it was gone within 10 min).

And this is Pot Pie, afraid to eat while I snapped the picture, as her loving mom looks on. lmao.  I'm turning into a crazy cat lady. YIKES! 

Silver Foil

I had a most lovely weekend in the city before coming back on a busted bus, missing work, and then missing more work because Central New York was completely flooded.   A big shout out to my sister for letting me stay at her awesome apartment with my boyfriend; it was a fun and relaxing weekend.  The American Apparel test shoot was alright I guess; the photographer seemed really freaky-deaky and the studio was sketch to be honest.  But I guess you'll have that.  I purchased a new American Apparel outfit the night before (wednesday) when I got in, and they shot me in that and then had me change into some of their ugly ass 'mom' shorts (the high waisted, farmer-looking ones that make one's ass look flat and wide) and an ugly yellow t-shirt.  I had to wear minimal makeup (which is really hard to do, because I love mascara), and had to leave my hair completely natural... luckily I was having a good hair day.  The dude who shot the pictures said he would send them to his boss who would then give a final approval or email me back.  I have yet to hear back, but I honestly don't care.  It was an experience.  And I know my body is still way hotter than most of the chicks in their campaigns. hahaha (I swear I'm not conceited, I just know what is true and what is false in my old age- my BDD seems to be subsiding).  Here is what I wore:

    The shorts really weren't that flattering (in my opinion), but my sister is the style expert so I let her make the final decision on my outfit.  

My cheesy smile is so sexy, I know.  PS... if you get an AA leotard, it doesn't matter how tiny your waist is, they run so small and give you such a severe wedgie you will have to buy a size up.  SO UNCOMFORTABLE!

My boyfriend came into the city on Friday afternoon and we had an eventful weekend of eating out, going on many walks, doing the high line and Chelsea Market, and cooking together... and of course consuming copious amounts of wine.  

We took a leisurely stroll over the Williamsburg Bridge for some Jin sushi on Sunday evening.  The L-train wasn't running that day, so instead of walking back, we decided to take a different train which landed us in some deserted and very frightening area of brooklyn that looked like a scene from a Tim Burton Film.  I wish I had taken pics... it was so scary.

My bus broke down on the way home Monday afternoon.  We were stranded on the side of the road for 4 hours waiting for another bus to come.  I missed my shift at work and felt very guilty but whatever... I really hate my job and am feverishly searching for jobs in the city at the moment.  I really don't know how some of the people working there have been there for 5,10, 20 years.  I mean, props to them if they like it and feel fulfilled.  But this was supposed to be a 'summer' job, not a permanent career move.  I get soooo bored standing around waiting for a customer with ABSOLUTELY NOTHING TO DO OR PASS THE TIME.  I mean, there are only so many times I can clean the glass on the counters.  It's really true what the say:  "an idle mind is the Devil's workshop."  I think about things I really shouldn't think about and get terrible anxiety as I feel like I'm wasting time.  I start obsessing about shit I shouldn't obsess about, and get so frustrated.  I am really going to try to be out of that store by *hopefully* November.  Yikes.  

Due to the fact that there is some serious flooding all over New York state and PA, a lot of areas are under several feet of water, businesses have closed and been flooded out, and I have not had work for two days.  Yesterday, the rain finally stopped (even though the water levels were still rising), and so my brother and I decided to take several backroads and take a trip to our woods.  We couldn't travel the normal roads because they were all closed, washed out, flooded etc.  Thankfully, our father taught us every dirt/county/seasonal road known to man at a very young age, so we will definitely survive in the event of an apocalypse, and successfully made it to our land in West Bainbridge yesterday. haha.  I took some lovely pictures of the adventure: 

The Cabin my dad is building is almost done!  Can't wait to have a fall picnic/weekend camp-out!

My brother is currently obsessed with mushrooms.  I don't think he's ever studied any subject as rigorously in his young life.  

You know those puff balls that you stomp on and the dried spores come out?  Well, this is what happens this time of year when you puncture them; a bunch of vile, green slime spews out.  Sick.

"Kelsey, Kelsey!  Put me deeeown!" hahahaha

"MYSPACE!"

Dustin and I decided to rape an apple tree.

F.U.P.A full of apples.  

American Apparel?

Ok... so as you are all well aware, I'm pretty busted in the flesh but happen to be decently photogenic.  About a hear and a half ago, for shits and gigs, I sent some pictures to American Apparel as they are always looking for "real" models for their campaigns and to model their clothes.  I didn't hear back but I didn't really care.  I only sent pics in the first place because let's face it- some of their models don't even have that pretty of faces or awesomely fit bodies.  However, about a week ago, I was surfing the A.A website looking at new clothes, and I was like: "dude, if some of these chicks can model for them, why can't I?"  So, feeling empowered and particularly attractive that day, I sent some pics.  I expected to hear no response, as that is the way my life generally goes.  However, Sunday, while at work (and only three short days after I'd initially submitted the pictures) I got an email from an A.A. photographer requesting me to set up a time to do a test shoot.  I was naturally stoked (omg, someone thinks I'm good enough for AA!). haha.   The only downfall is that the time they decided on was Wednesday at 2 pm.  I am free wednesday, but I work tuesday night and again on thursday.  I don't mind missing work because let's face it, I fucking hate macehole's.  But I'd have to take a bus down wednesday morning (because even I don't want to skip two days of work... so I'd only allow myself to skip thursday night and still go on tuesday).  I also considered the fact that the test shoot is unpaid, and the rate that an AA model is paid for the 'real' shoot (if my tests were decent enough) would be a measly 10 an hour.  It's not like I'm hot or tall enough to go into more modeling, so this endevour would be pretty pointless.  Plus as we know, the CEO of AA is a major perv with several law suits against him filed for sexual assault/harassment by employees... and some of the ads are highly degrading towards women.  I mailed back the photographer to see if I can change the test shoot to Thursday or Friday.  If that is doable, I will definitely do the test shoot... what do I have to loose except some integrity? hahahahaa.   If they can't do either of those days, clearly it's not meant to be.  I don't want to wake up at 5:30 am on wednesday to catch a 7:00 bus to NYC, I will most definitely look like shit from lack of sleep and be in a frazzled tizzy and sweaty (no doubt).  If I get a response and can come later in the week, it's kismet, if not, fuck it.  I'm working on my novel now and hope to get it published (call me naive, call me stupid... I think it will sell).  Now I'm off to work at shitty Macehole's where I will be anxiously awaiting another email and hating life for 9 hours.  

Updates

I haven't written anything in quite some time, so I might as well make an entry on this terribly boring, rainy day.  Hmm, where to start... my car is finally cosmetically fixed and looks like new again!  Thank God for that; it was really hard driving on the highway with no right-side mirror.  I am still working at Maceholes and it sucks a fat chode.  My manager wants to put me at the Shiseido counter but I don't plan on staying at Maceholes any longer than another month or two, so to take the time to have them train me would be both unfair to them and me.  Also, how can I be expected to sell a product I can't even afford (the cremes are as much as $200 for a 1.7 ounce bottle at Shiseido) or wear (the colors, especially the foundations, are all geared towards Asians with darker undertones).  I really don't think I'm fit for this shit job any longer.  Yikes.  My entire summer plan was to save money, but I spend what little I make in gas and daily living expenses.  So much for my noble plan.  Now I'm looking for jobs in the city.  I mean, my sister is generous enough to let me live with her, rent-free, until I find a 'real job,' so I might as well take her up on the offer instead of pussy-footing around.  I just applied for an internship at thesartorialist.com.  I hope to hear back from them because it would be completely awesome to get my foot in the door doing something I really want to do (even if it doesn't pay at first, chances are they would hire me at an entry-level position).  Let's hope that works out.

My entire town seems to be shutting down.  Our only decent eatery (the once illustrious Jericho Inn, which was last known as 'The Olive Branch') closed.  I don't know why either; they had good reviews, seemingly steady business, and the food was pretty casual and yummy.  After they closed, the local pharmacy (which has been up and running since the dawn of Bainbridge) was bought out by Rite-Aid.  Now I have to take an entire 30 minutes of my time to drive to Sidney once a month to pick up my BC.  How inconvenient. I bet the old people on daily medications are super pissed.  This area gets more depressing every day.  The only good thing about this town seems to be the fact that *IF (and only if) I WANTED TO* I could run naked through the empty streets every night at 3 am without being seen, harassed, or arrested.  I did have a couple of drinking adventures around town a couple of summers ago. Fun times.  What other town can you think of where you know you'll never get caught if you want to drink on the playground or in the middle of the football field on a summer night?  Not that I'm promoting that.  It's not a very class thing to do; but when I was 21 it was pretty damn fun and quite thrilling.

The other night I celebrated a good friend's bday in Oneonta.  I met up with two of my other friends who are still in college and it was a little saddening to know that I am not going back to school this fall.  I mean, I didn't really like Oneonta, to be honest, but I feel so old now. haha.  Anywho, it was a really fun night, and despite telling myself I'd only have two drinks max, I got a bit out of control (nothing like the days of yore, but still a bit more excitable and crazy than I should have liked to have been).

In body image news, I am feeling so effing voluptuous today.  Two weeks ago, I was 100 lbs, but in response to a handful of people, I felt pressure to gain back some of the weight I lost.  I am now 105 and feeling like a cow because of course, the weight immediately went to my tits, ass, and thighs, making me feel like a walking sex object.  I'm like a down-sized, whiter kardashian.  Yipes!   Guess it's back to salads and no sweets for me.

Lalalala.  I hate Maceholes.

"Kelsey, were you crying about wearing black? Because If you were I will seriously have to slap you."

"Kelsey, were you crying about wearing black?  Because if you were, I will seriously have to slap you." - Dustin Lieb

No, I was actually crying because I'm stressed out... stressed to the point of dropping weight, which means I'm really stressed... stressed beyond the point of typical stress-binging. haha.  Oh god.  What a fucking week it has been.  I got in a minor ($3,500 total cost) car accident on Sunday Night.  A blasted deer jumped out and I swerved to the right thinking I'd just brush the bushes, but said bushes were obscuring a barbed wire fence. Now the money I wanted to put towards an awesome birthday weekend for my boyfriend will be going towards my $500 deductible.  Hey, at least I have insurance... TG for that.   Before that my phone broke.  We all know my crazy-ass gets anxiety when my phone is inept because it is my only source of communication in my long-distance relationship.  The phone got water-logged when I was swimming at a friend's house; even though I moved the phone for the sole purpose it was out of the splash zone.  I didn't dare tell my father (who pays all of my bills and bought my 2010 car last year) about the phone because he was so good about the fact that the car accident occurred.  So I had to deal with that shit myself.  I am feeling terribly bad about the car though; as much as I hate to admit it, sometimes I'm pretty spoiled.  Not compared to rich people, but I'm definitely spoiled in my own, middle-class way.  I've never paid my own insurance, I didn't buy that 2010 Corolla- my dad did; and, I have never paid a cell phone bill.  I have a billion bugbites and bruises, a weird fucking rash that the dr. said was probably a bad reaction to an antibiotic I was on... (but I'm also a freaky-deaky hypochondriac).
Sigh.  What else... Oh yes, I'm working all day, every Saturday, because I'm the 'new girl' at work, and No, I cannot trade a Saturday shift, unless I want to be fired.  So, this means my boyfriend cannot visit this week, and even next week when he does, I'll be exempt for 7 hours at work.  WTF.  It could always be worse though; my car only had superficial damages, it still runs as smoothly as the day it came into my life.  I sent away for a new phone this afternoon which will be shipped out overnight.  I'm thankful my friends and family and bf put up with me and my dramatic tendencies when shit like this happens. haha.  I'm pretty sure everyone in my family, my friends, and my bf have had to listen to me cry at least once this week, either in person (my poor dad) or over the phone (my poor bf).  And yes, as a matter of fact, I am SO FUCKING SICK OF WEARING BLACK!   Why do I have to dress like Fucking Angelina Jolie circa 1998-2002 to work at Macehole's?!  I can't even wear the 'sexy' black I would like to... so despite the fact I have a closet of black body-con dresses, tanks and skirts, none of that is appropriate.  I am still job searching for another, better paying job.  I refuse to see 1/4 of my pay check go to gas every week.  Let me tell you, Madame Oar's is looking pretty damn promising these days!   JK... I would def. get nakie, but I will not grind my precious goodies on any dude's lap... nasty.

This economy is shit

Why did I ever have the idea in my head that finding a job would be simple as cake once I had a four-year degree?  I'm not even looking for a "real" job (aka a job that pertains to my degree or is one that I can build a career off of) just yet.  All I wanted was a simple, low-wage job just to save some money this summer and make for easy work.  So I finally started work at Macehole's (you know the company I really mean) after they dicked me around for almost a full month after the initial interview and fact they hired me.  What a pain in the ass- I had to write a scathing letter to corporate offices about their lack of organization and the fact they told me I was hired and failed to return my calls or let me know what was going on.  As you can imagine, they were notified and apologized profusely and had me into fill out paperwork within the next couple of days.  I'm yet to be entered into the computer system so I don't have an actual schedule set up, or the ability to request work days, hours, etc. yet.  Therefore, I had to call myself to speak with my manager and find out when she wants me to come into work this week.  Well, as per usual, no one answered the office phone, so I was forced to leave a message telling her I wanted to know my hours this week and kindly requesting she call me back.  No word yet, and that was 5 hours ago.  I JUST WANT TO FUCKING WORK BECAUSE I WANT  SOME FUCKING MONEY!!!!! Goddamn man!  I will scrub floors, or empty trash, I don't care.  However, all of the dicking around Macehole's has put me through is hardly worth the fact I'm being paid $8.00 an hour and my first week in, I was only given 12 hours of work.  Totally not worth it.  My job search continues tomorrow; alas, that does not negate the fact I need money now.  Sigh... it's a vicious circle.  Some might say: "oh, you're so lucky you don't have a job, now you can do what you want"  LIES.  It's kind of hard to go out and have fun with no discretionary income of which to speak.  And I'm not the only one in this boat.  Everything in this two-bit town seems to be closing lately: The Olive Branch, The Pharmacy... this place blows whale dick.  I have so many friends that now have bachelor's degrees and cannot even find simple, temporary summer jobs within a 30 mile radius.  And, with the price of gas, it's totally not worth it to drive more than 30 miles for a low-wage job.  I'm so fucking stressed.  I have student loans to pay off come November, I'm sick of living at home, I'm sick of being away from my boyfriend, and I'm sick of this area.   FML.