What a Waste of Black , part deux

So I finally heard back from the lady at Macie's (misspelled on purpose) and she said she would call me tomorrow and hopefully I will be starting work later this week/early next week... THANK GOD.  I don't care if I'm working 10 hour days, I want/need money!  I have been in a most savage mood for the past three days waiting to hear back from them; luckily I'm in a much more cheerful disposition knowing I am in fact going to be working.  I'm watching Gentlemen Prefer Blondes currently, and wondering why women always played such twits in the 50s.  Surely not all women were twits in real life!  Fuck this, I need to find a different film ASAP, Marilyn Monroe is so generic. Looks like I'm going to be watching The September Issue yet again;  I'm craving fashion today.  Thank god I got that job! lol... I now get to play with makeup all day and sell shit I'd actually buy myself (unlike my last job at Scaire's (have to change the name for legal purposes :p ).  Not that I didn't occasionally purchase tutus for myself ;p (shameful, I know).  Hey, sometimes a girl just needs to play dress up.  Having no job and not being in school has gotten old real fast.  I've gone running for the past week straight, and yesterday and today I went running twice because I simply had nothing better to do... pathetic.  I don't even know why I run- I swear to god it makes me fatter because my muscles get bulky.  In addition to running like a buffoon, I've immensely been looking forward to starting work, and given that the dress code is all black, I've played dress up and brainstormed a bevy of fun black ensembles to wear to the new job.  I'm sick.  I've been so terribly boring lately I really think I'm in need of a wild night (or two) out.  I can't remember the last time I was completely shit-faced.  Even though I feel 200 % healthier when I don't drink, sometimes it's good for the soul to drown in cranberry and vodkas.  Seeing as how my plans to visit my bf were shattered I suppose this is the perfect weekend to do so.  All I know, is that I need to get out of this town ASAP.  I'm ready to choke a bitch.  On another note, I've noticed a lot of people posting pictures of themselves in bikini's on facebook recently (tis the season).  I say, if you're proud of your body, more power to you... I am sure some of them are sluts, and I'm sure some of them are not.  I'd just like to say, there are a lot of judgmental individuals out there too quick to call a girl a 'ho' for posting said pic... but why is it ok for men to post shirtless pictures of themselves flexing their goddamn muscles?  It just makes no sense for a double standard to exist in the year 2011.  I'd like to rant about other issues now like abortion, planned parenthood funding, and the use of birth control but I'll save those good topics for another day.  I'm drained.

What a waste of black

My interview at Macie's (yeah, I misspelled that on purpose- just heard about some chick getting sued for slandering Forever XXI's name and don't want to risk anything) went very well; so well, in fact, that I was "hired" on the spot.  The woman who interviewed me said she was going to put me in cosmetics and fragrance, she even went so far as to introduce me to all the women working there as the 'new team member.'  She told me she'd call back with scheduling etc. on Sunday or Monday... it is now Tuesday night and I've yet to hear from her.  I tried calling her, but found myself juggled between various corporate offices, at the end of dead-end extensions, and leaving several voicemails and messages.  If I don't hear from her by Thursday, I'm assuming the job is a no-go (even though I was sure I had it).  Whatever.  Sadly, my mom already bought me a few new black garments for (what I thought was) my new job.  Oh well, they're all cute enough to wear in my daily life this summer.  I'm starting to think there's no point in dicking around with a summer job and just going for the kill and looking for a real job.  On another note, I'm now strong enough to jog a full mile without stopping.  Two months ago I couldn't jog 1/2 a mile without stopping. Must be the elimination of sugar and alcohol from my diet. hahaha.  Omg, I watched "Ice Loves Coco" the other day and loved it... so cheesy, but so good.  I love Coco, even if she's trashy, even if she's orange, there is just something so endearing about her. haha.

Lalalala

So, now that I've been out of school for a solid four weeks, I'm losing my mind to boredom.  There are only so many delicious meals I can make that take a whole afternoon to prepare.  One day I was so bored, I spent 4 hours making homemade pasta noodles, sauce from scratch, homemade meatballs and bruschetta.  I haven't really been doing my best to find a job, but I have an interview tomorrow at Macy's and am hoping that goes well because this girl needs to make some money.  I think I may even want two jobs for the remainder of the summer so I can make bank and save up before possibly relocating and finding a "real" job (that is one that utilizes my degree/s and is permanent/semi permanent).  For now anything will do as long as I have substantial hours and am slightly above minimum wage.  I had a most delightful weekend in the city this past weekend (minus the call from my sister berating me for using a spoonful of body scrub).  My bf was able to come in for the night on Saturday and I made a wonderful meal of salmon over penne with white wine, chile creme sauce, mini meatballs in marinara sauce, and a caprice salad.  Later we ordered in some delicious Crif Dogs (seeing as how between the two of us we consumed a bottle of champagne and two bottles of vino- I was so hungover early the next morning).

Emma and I had a romantic night in Friday before my bf arrived.  We watched the sunset and several documentaries about the Russian Ballet. 

Dinner for deux on the roof top terrace... I'm such a nerd

I got a bit buzzed while cooking and waiting for the bf to arrive... it was a sloppy presentation.

 My week has been fairly lame since Monday.  I've done extensive online searching for jobs both in the area, and in NYC (just getting a feel for what's available in my line of study).  Today I was looking through my "work" clothes drawer (you know, the ugly ass pants you would only wear to work), and decided to do a little alteration on my fave seersucker pants from Abercrombie.  It took seriously a total of 30 minutes to transform these bad boys from drab wide legs to sexy skinnys.  I was quite pleased with my result:

The wide leg version... don't mind my homely, just-washed morning fro ;p

 

And the skinny version, TaDa!  Don't mind my afternoon fro either (fucking humidity).

Yeah, there's just no winning with my hair in this weather.  I'm a terribly boring individual this week.  Let's hope next week leads to something new and exciting... preferably a job and money. 

A very feminine rant (you were warned)

FUCK!  Yes, that's how I feel right now.  Why the FUCK isn't there already an oral contraceptive, FDA approved birth control for men in the US right now?  What fucking year is it? 2011.  When did women's oral contraceptive pills come into play? THE FUCKING 1960s.  I would think that men were just as entitled and empowered to take an active approach in preventing unwanted pregnancy as women.  I mean, yes, there are condoms, but aren't men the ones generally opposed to using them?!  Why isn't there a pill that men take daily, or an injection they get once, monthly that would make their sperm inactive or non existent?  It just doesn't make any sense.  For example:  Let's say that a monogamous male and female (heterosexual couple) agree to the fact their contraceptive device will depend on the female partner taking her pill every day.  This leaves all fertility control in the hands of the female.  I'm thinking most women aren't like this, but there are definitely some crazy bitches out there; so let's now say, the female decides to stop taking her daily bc (she wants to get knocked up on the sly) or 'oopsies!' misses a few days, or takes an antibiotic that fucks with her contraceptive pill.  Shouldn't men be able to take their own precautionary measures when they're not yet ready to be fathers? Furthermore, unlike women who have a monthly period and have to deal with all sorts of hormonal shit, a guy on birth control would never have to worry about his monthly menstruation cycle getting fucked up.

You may be wondering why I just went on this rant; well, let's examine my history.   I didn't even get my period until damn near 14, until the age of 22 when I started taking b.c., my cycle was completely regular, like fucking clock work. My first b.c. pill, ortho tricyclin, made me feel like a goddamn monster.   Not only did the extra hormones running through my body cause me to feel nausea every morning after taking this pill, but my tits went from an A to a C cup.... totally not cool when you're 5'3" and don't have the height or build to pull that size rack off (props to people who are cool with their huge boobs, I'm just not).  I felt like fucking Pamela Anderson/Dolly Parton on a daily basis.  Not only were my boobs huge, but they hurt every single day.  In addition, I gained about 5 lbs and felt like a bloated whale.  After suffering a huge blow to my self-esteem, I took action after 4 months on this pill and demanded a lower hormone dosage.  I was put on low-estron 24.  This pill gave me completely irregular periods; like some months I wouldn't get one.  I know a lot of you are probably thinking how great that is, but I like to use my monthly period as b.c. check; it let's me know everything is working and I am baby-free.  After complaining to the nurse about this, she discussed with the dr. and they decided to have me try a new, low hormone pill called Natazia.  They thought it would regulate me, but now I get my P (period) fucking two times a month... NOT COOL!  I have currently been on this pill 2 months now, and having seen no changes or regulation in my cycle called the Dr.'s office today to see about getting a new pill.  They said they could put me back on the Ortho tricyclin.... Hello big tits, nice to see you again!


NO FUCKING THANK YOU!

I absolutely refuse to deal with my boobs growing big again.  I'm lucky I didn't get stretch marks or saggy tits the first time they got big and then went back down to size.  I won't take any further risks to my precious boobs.  Furthermore, I've consistently maintained my weight at around 105 lbs. now for a few months, and I won't have my hard work of watching what I eat and making an effort to take walks defeated by a pill that causes me to gain 5 or 10 lbs. Fuck that shit; that's for 16 tear olds.  I'm 23 and I deserve not to have any pubescent weight gain or teen chub due to a pill.  I guess I will stay on Natazia and see what happens (even though I feel like I'm going to pass out after taking it because it makes me dizzy).  Who knew birth control could be so fucking complicated?  I also looked into other methods.  I was advised against a IUD because they're only recommended for people who have had kids, and NuvaRing looked slightly intimidating because the side affects seemed rather nasty in some instances.

Today there's just no effing winning.

B is for Bitch

God I love life!  I graduated from SUNY Oneonta this past month and am ready to face the work world armed with a Bachelor's in Theatre and my former Associates in Fashion Merchandising Management from FIT (along with charm, talent, the most creative mind ever, and a majorly inflated ego...jk, you know I hate myself). hahahahaha.  After a wonderful memorial day weekend with my boyfriend and family, my week quickly turned to shit when I got yelled at for scratching up my car (hey, how was I supposed to know I wasn't allowed to use the green side of the sponge to scrape off the bugs?!), yelled at for "borrowing" one of my sister's shirts when I left the city (oopsie), and verbally bashed by a friend for no reason at all.  Oh well, I'm off to the city again this weekend to cat-sit, lounge in the sun on my sister's new outdoor terrace, and hopefully see my bf.  In the meantime, I'll leave you with some superficial images of a new shirt I constructed in honor of my friend.  I'd really love to elaborate on this story, but that would just be juvenile and uncalled for. I think these mirror images certainly capture her description of my supposed concern with appearances though. PERFECT.

The front reads:  90%   97% CONCERNED WITH APPEARANCES


The Back reads:  BFFs EST. 1993, Because That's what Friends are For :) 

I guess my frustration with these past few days really got the best of me.  Because in addition to listening to this song about 10 times a day ( http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6_9blTxwFeA )  even though I'm pretty broke so the chorus isn't even applicable, I also brainstormed a brilliant cooking show.

I want to created a show called "The High Heeled CUNTessa" in which I prance around the kitchen in high heels and sexy little outfits (this would attract the male viewers) and bitch about my day, the people I dislike, the things in the world and society I don't like (this would attract female viewers) and make an awesome meal.  :D

Fine day for America

Oh what a fine day.  I'm not particularly political, but Osama Bin Laden's death made my night, and is making my day.  Obviously this does not solve the issue of terrorism, but it is one step closer to eradicating the source.  President Obama's speech warmed my heart and soul last night and made me proud to be an American for the first time in years.  I've been feeling particularly political lately.  It's strange... I guess I really am getting older.  I found myself fretting about clean water the other day after watching Josh Fox's film, Gasland.  Not only was a fretting about the water supply of this nation, but it really made me think about how much I overlook the fact that necessities like water have been provided to me without question, since birth.  People die all over this world from contaminated water or lack of water, and here I've been able to trust the water flowing from my tap for 23 years without question.  I felt so politically motivated after the film, that I considered joining the Peace Corps to serve the world that has served me.  However, that idea was quickly shot down when my mom reminded me of the time I cried because I went to a friend's house when I was 5 and their parents smoked.  I thought they were bad people as a result, and called my mom crying.  She picked me up and later asked what the problem was.  I told her they smoked and she shook her head.  I've always been a crier, what can I say?  I cried watching Shiloh when his owner hit him, I cried because I wanted to get married and be in love when I was 3 and couldn't.  Naturally, seeing impoverished families or animal/human cruelty would never fly.  I'd be a wreck.  Also, I read several articles about how the peace corps can be really dangerous for women in certain areas of the world, because they are extra prone to sexual assualt.  That wouldn't fly with me either.  That and I'm terrified of bugs... all of them.  So, for now I think I will find ways to contribute to the causes and efforts I feel strongly about from my own soil.  Maybe I can just start spending more time volunteering or working with children.  I have an entire summer ahead of me.  But I do need money.  Desperately.  As soon as I have these two, 12-page papers written, my one 5 page paper written, and my presentation done I will seriously job search.  I must find the motivation, and I must find it straight away.  I cannot wait to see my bf... that should be motivation in itself.  Seeing him without worrying about school work to do should prompt me to do my school work...but I hate it so.  If I had money, I would bribe myself, but I can't go around blowing 200 dollars on a pair of shoes or sexy dress right now.  Making matters worse, all of my paper subjects are on emo issues.  I'm writing one on Billie Holiday, a sexually abused prostitute and drug addict who couldn't keep a man to save her life.  The next paper is on lynching...and how the women left behind were affected by the loss of their husbands/sons/brothers.  And the third paper is on a book by Eric Gansworth called "Smoke Dancing."  A book about Tuscorora Indians on a reservation who have well water contaminated by leech beds and barrels of pollutants buried near by.  I may become an alcoholic writing about these issues. haha.  Oh well, I will do it because I have to, and I will do it well.

College- Self Portraits Over the Past 5 Years

I've always had a minor (major) obsession with taking pictures of myself.  I don't know why... I'm a freak.  My habit of taking mirror pics started Senior year of high school, and once I got my (at that time) brand new Mac, the built in camera made self-portraiture extra convenient.  Whenever I was bored with homework and at my desk at FIT, I would do the best thing I could think of.... take a picture of myself.  They're all in my computer now, and looking through all of them the other night made me think about how much I've grown and changed, and how different the 'real world' seems to me, 5 years after graduating high school.  Below are the pictures in reverse-chronological order (newest to oldest).

For the first time since the age of like 8 (don't ask... I did Acro), I'm getting abs... I don't even know how... I am seriously lazy... I don't deserve to have them.  I have been walking a lot and eating like, no sugar- but still.

I was waiting to go out to one of the seediest local bars... you can't tell but I'm wearing harness boots and a GD moomoo... I like to dress as asexually as possible when going out to the local watering holes so as to deflect predators. 

My friend's Bday party:  I sent my bf a pic of myself before I got too trashed since he couldn't be there.  This is my fave sexy dress ever, and before I let my ears close up (for the third time...I'm giving up piercing them).  It was a fun night.

The sick Halloween costume I never got to wear.  I made this baby from scratch (minus the corset).  This was right after my gma passed away and I spent an entire weekend sewing to distract myself from my thoughts.  I'd also dropped a shite ton of weight because I was too sad to care about food. 

I couldn't believe that they were peddling this slutty playboy set at Claires (a store targeted to little girls and teens).  Naturally I had to scoop one up for myself.  

Right before Christmas, 2009... I was so innocent.

A boy who, for the purposes of privacy remain nameless, had just broken my heart.  He invited me on a date, got me super high and drunk, attempted to take advantage of me... and when I resisted called me a bitch.  I never heard from him after that day (which I realized a year later was for the best), but nonetheless, I was sad.  I even made him some sick cookies.  I was probs day drinking and wearing heels to make myself feel better when I snapped this little pic.  My chest also looks huge here... why would he ever mistreat this? lol

Looking alien. 

This is a real freaky deaky picture as well.  I had just transferred from FIT to SUNY Oneonta and it was a major life change.  I am pretty sure this was the first day of classes and I came home and changed into comfies, consisting of the red dragon tshirt I mutilated to fit my style.  My skin was luminous and the only make up I was wearing was mascara (otherwise I'd look like an egg). 

2007:  Emma was still nice to me.

I look like a baby here.  I can't believe I was ever that young. 

What a sexy lion's mane I had going on.

Fall, 2006:  One of the very first pictures I took with my Macbook.  School had just started and I was home on a weekend break from FIT.  Dustin and I were both ickle freshies.