Saturday, September 2, 2017

Living in NYC When You're Ugly, Undersexed, and Almost 30

I wasn't always like this - and by this I mean, "THIS" ugly.  I was always ugly.  Don't get me wrong.  It's a sad day when you finally realize you are ugly and there is nothing that can be done about it.  Weight loss, a prolonged state of anorexia to keep your unnaturally low weight maintained, a nose job, hair dye, makeup, and fashionable clothes can't even fix the state of ugly you are.


  • Sometimes I wonder why I am still starving myself and putting on eyeliner every day when I am a lost cause.  




Friday, January 20, 2017

The End of an Era Part II (I Think...)

Well, Donald Trump is officially the President of the United States, and I am officially feeling old.  Old and alone to be exact.  Old and thin-lipped.  Old and thin-lipped, but not as thin-bodied as I was just a year or so ago.

I am typing this from the toilet, where I have the heat fan on full blast, a half drank Heinekin sitting next to me (don't even ask.... we all know, I don't drink beer, but I'm in a desperate state and it's the only alcohol in the house), and I am wondering what happens next. Where do we go from here (to quote Guns n' Roses)? "Where do we go, where do we go now, where do we go

I know my life is good - I have a good life compared to a lot of people - compared to most people if we are being general.  I want to establish the fact that I don't take this for granted; at least, I try not to take my life for granted most days.

I am packing up my apartment in preparation to move.  Earlier in the day I was thinking about what a dark time America is entering into with our new President.... it seems unreal; but it is reality.


You know how we all think we are special?  I guess it's just that internal voice - we are made to be egocentric.  Well, I realized only recently I am not special.

I'm not sure why I ever thought that I was.  Why do we exist?   What is this world?  Does anything really matter? What is real?

I'm moving to a scary neighborhood. I don't want to move.  I have been here for four years.  This is all I know.