I Need a Hot-tub 24/7

I've come back from another glorious, three-day, mini-break Upstate.  This time it was just me and the bf, which may actually have been for the best, since instead of going on a three day bender with friends, I was behaved and relaxed for once (nothing worse than partying on a getaway and then coming back to realize you need a vacation after the "vacation" to catch up on sleep, get the toxins out of your system etc.).  I am once again convinced I gained about 10 lbs (I think I ate almost an entire cow's worth of filet mignon and steak along with a sack of potatoes, a bag of cheetos (you know how I do...) and like 5000 cals worth of icecream and skittles one night.  It was just what I needed.  I am convinced that if I could take a glass of wine into a hot-tub for about an hour every night, I would never experience the elevated stress and anxiety levels that I do when I've been trapped in NYC for a month straight with no respite from the MTA, the job I hate, the crowds of people, the filthy air and terrible scenery, and the inflated prices.  Maybe if I could install a hot-tub on the terrace all of my problems would go away each night.  Maybe they wouldn't be there in the first place. Wait- why do I live here again????

Please excuse the ugly-ass plate... some people aren't very gifted when it comes to picking out plate wear...

Good question.  Sometimes I really do start to wonder.  I was watching House Hunters International the other day, and this couple rented a sick-ass house in Capetown, South Africa, for only $2,000 a month.  The house was located not only amongst a beautiful backdrop of mountains and near the beach, but it was two bedroom, two bathroom, had a swimming pool and it even had it's own artist's studio.  $2,000 a month....  do you even know what $2,000 a month gets you here in filthy, smelly NYC????  Basically a one bedroom, with a backdrop of grey buildings, grey pavement, and nothing additional to really write home about.  You're fortunate if you can even find parking on the street within a 1/2 mile radius of your apartment.  I'm so fortunate that I have the apartment I have right now, in the best neighborhood for the best price and with the benefit of a terrace.  Not one day goes by that I'm not thankful for my living situation, however, sometimes I think about what my money would get me in another part of the world- a part of the world where the air is fresher, the days are warmer, and I can see some actual vegetation outside of my window.  I must live here for a reason though, right? RIGHT????

Some days I wonder why I do live here, and then I remember that it's the best city in the world.  Upstate is relaxing and beautiful and closer to my family, but when the only place open after 9pm is your local gas station, and there is literally nothing to do or no where to go for a drink with friends, life gets pretty fucking boring.  Maybe someday I will want to live that lifestyle again, but now is not the time.  I think after a few nights of going to bed at midnight, or being cooped up inside without a decent bar, restaurant, music venue, or club to go to I would once again be longing to live back in a larger metropolis with more options and more excitement.  Plus, even if I am still not where I want to be with my job, my options here are at least much more broad than any options at home would be.  Even if I hate my full-time job (you know- the one that pays my bills), at least I'm still able to pursue writing, am working with a small theatre company to promote and update their social media pages, and I have all of the resources under my feet for eventually publishing my book (which is still in the process of being coprighted).  Furthermore, the creative opportunities here far outweigh those at home, even if I do drop $50 every time I buy toilet paper and a few groceries.  A lot of times when I'm walking down the crowded street ready to scream "move bitch, get out' the way!" at the hoards of tourists making me late for work, or when I'm forced to wait for the third fucking L train to come by just so I can squeeze on and be level with some nasty dude's smelly armpits, I have to remind myself of why I am dealing with all of this shit.  I start to forget sometimes, and that's when I begin to lose what little sanity I have left.


You know what would really save my sanity though? Not working at my current job.  :D I swear to God it gets worse each and every day... sometimes I wonder why I went back to that company in the first place... oh wait, because I was starving to death and living on a bag of frozen peas and a loaf of bread each week and being able to afford cream for my coffee was a luxury.... that's why! :D

But anyhow, I regress.  I am trying to have a much more active approach now that Winter is in full swing.  I am going to start planning another trip, try to stay current with my untitled-magazine articles (I only just re-submitted my article on that piece of shit app known as Tinder ;) ), and invest my time in the small projects that don't necessarily make me the most money, but are certainly the most rewarding in terms of my creative goals and my mental state.  My next untitled-magazine.com article is going to focus on where all of the good bands have gone.  I have really been putting a lot of thought into it the past couple of days that I have been off and listening to Pandora.  Today's music is true shit.  I feel so sorry for most everyone under the age of 25 that doesn't have the musical guidance they need to acquire decent taste in real bands and ends up listening to the same top 40 shit they're playing on the radio.  It's such a shame that bands like One Direction, artists like Justin Beiber and Arianna Grande, and DJs get all of the fame and fortune these days when they're nothing more than manufactured, auto-tuned, inauthentic pieces of whored-out musical shit.  But hey- that's just my opinion, which counts for very little, except for in this blog where I rule supreme. ;)  Clearly I am going to have to edit myself while writing this article, because as you can see, I feel very strongly about why today's music is mostly shit and all of the wrong artists are getting awards and public praise.  I don't really like to edit myself.  In a perfect world, I would never edit or sensor myself again.  But I guess this world won't let me do that without consequence.

I've been thinking a lot about that scene from "Pretty Woman" with Julia Roberts lately- the one where she goes shopping on Rodeo Drive and gets turned away by the bitches in one of the fancy shops because she is dressed in her prostitute clothes, and then she comes back and rubs it in their faces that they made a 'Big Mistake' by not helping her.  This scene just about sums up my job search.  Someday, I would like to rub it in the faces of everyone who ever failed to hire me or follow up with me after an interview of just what they missed out on.  I like to think that it would go something like this:

"BIG Mistake, HUGE! I have to go shopping now..." lolololol.  Aaahhh, the satisfaction!!!! 

This is Why I Get in Trouble

Sitting here bored out of my mind on a Friday night.  I was off today and I don't have work until tomorrow at 3pm... that would give me plenty of time to be hungover in a hypothetical situation where I was in fact, not sitting here alone and bored on a Friday night.  My mind is slowly starting to go crazy (as it has a tendency to do when I am bored and alone).  I don't know why my mind does this.  If I sit here without company or some serious hands-on activity that keeps me physically active and busy, my mind goes into dark waters.  Like, I start fabricating and imagining all sorts of fucked up scenarios and shit in my head.  It's not healthy.  In all reality, after last weekend and even this past week, I should really be taking it easy, so maybe sitting here bored is a good thing.  I went hard last weekend, and partied two nights in a row.  The fact that I was working all three weekend days on top of my partying did me pretty dirty.  Saturday wasn't so bad (despite the fact that I slept over at my boyfriends and rolled into work wearing his skinny jeans with my six-inch booties- hey, the only alternative was to go in wearing my Axl Rose costume...), and I didn't even need to vomit (if you know me, you also know that that is a SERIOUS accomplishment for me since I'm the queen of barfing ;-) ).  Saturday night took a turn for the worst though.  I ended up going to Highline (I know, I know... I was/am banned, but Chris Brown was supposed to make an appearance so I felt compelled to go), and as per usual got inebriated.  I ended up safe and sound at home (I'm not sure how, since I blacked out in the cab), but somehow passed out so hard that I didn't hear my phone ringing off the hook or even my door bell ringing when my bf got out of work and came over at 4am.  Yikes.  The next day, I woke up by God's good grace (since I had failed to even set an alarm).  I woke up on my couch, wearing my costume, with no blanket, all of the lights on, and 18 missed phone calls.  I felt like shit, as you can imagine.  I don't know what was worse- the hangover (I may have still been drunk actually), or realizing what an asshole I was for passing out without my phone on volume and near my head.  You know if it was the other way around I would have gone psycho and probably climbed a fire escape into his window if it were me waiting for him to open the door.  I threw up multiple times at work, and even when I left work at 8pm, I still felt like shit.  I really wish that sticking with drugs was acceptable behavior because alcohol does me dirty every time.

Welcome to the Jungle 

shortly before I ate an entire 7eleven sheet pizza...

Friday night I am convinced I almost got kidnapped by a fake Uber driver (don't ask) and Saturday I was ready to kill some girl I was referring to as a "fire monkey," so perhaps it's best that I'm taking it easy this weekend (even though as I already mentioned, I'm sitting here bored out of my mind since my niece has gone to bed and I'm watching her).  I celebrated my boyfriend's birthday on Wednesday night and it was awesome... I wish every day could be like that day ;) Sigh.  But alas, we have work, obligations, and can't possibly party all night every day otherwise we would probably not be long for this world.  I am just so happy when I am not working and am planning fun activities and surprises and making stuff... speaking of making stuff- the costumes I made for my niece and her friends turned out pretty awesome.  I won't post pics of the kids (since I don't want to exploit them or affiliate such innocent children with my raucous blog), but here are some snippets of my niece's princess costume:

The crown... my floor is still covered in glitter.  Hell, I'm still covered in glitter... 

The princess gown. 

And the result of my excessive glitter use... I still have glitter on the couch, in the kitchen, in the bathroom, and randomly in my hair/on my body.  It's a real mood lifter now that the days are shorter and the weather is colder.  

I am already starting to get stoked for the Christmas season- the most wonderful time of the year indeed ;) .  I cannot wait to start buying Christmas presents for everyone.  It's crazy, but the older I get, the more excited I am to give presents as opposed to receiving them.  I really pride myself on being a great gift-giver, so I love making other people happy and surprising them with the perfect present.  I also love decorating and all of the festive accoutrements of the holiday season- the lights, the tree, the stockings, the cookies, the wrapping paper, the magic... someone shoot me now.

Despite the fact that I love buying for other people, I still love buying for myself too.  Mami needed a new pair of 7 inch shoes ;)   Nothing lifts a sour mood like prancing around in a pair of underwear and heels blasting Jane's Addiction and drinking coffee like it's going out of style. 

I am supposed to be writing a new article for untitled-magazine on the disappearance of major rock bands, however, I am also supposed to revise my previous article on Tinder, since they didn't like it.  I don't know what to do.  I am completely uninspired and unmotivated by the Tinder article.  FUCK Tinder, it was created by a sexist pig.   I spent an hour reading about other people's Tinder travel experiences.  I even downloaded the Tinder app for all of 15 minutes to see how it worked.  I was repulsed by the variety of gross men that came across my screen on Tinder- they all looked like nerds, freaks, serial killers, and perverts to me.  But maybe that's just me.  I am pretty particular and I don't believe in online dating to begin with, nor do I believe in hooking up/one night stands/meeting fuck buddies online.  Sorry if that's your cup of tea.   I would just prefer to meet my psychos and freaks the old fashioned way ;). It just seems like a really good way to end up getting raped, getting an STD, or getting decapitated by a socially inept person who can't meet women in the real world.  I don't know.  I understand all of these things I mentioned can easily happen with people you meet in a bar or at work or school too (people even get raped or catch STDs from their shitty significant others all the time), but the likelihood of running into a weirdo seems more probable on an online app people use to hook up.  Call me boring, but I believe in meeting people through people you already know, or just in the real world.  I don't even know anyone who has used Tinder in a foreign country personally.  Shit.  Maybe I should just forget this article and write about the disappearance of decent bands.