A can of Mace and a Gallon of Syrup

Sitting here alone on Easter and contemplating my life.  This was the first, major holiday I have ever spent away from my family and it really sucked to know they were sitting down to a family brunch while I slaved away for $5 an hour serving other families their Easter brunch.  Sigh.  It's days like these I miss my small town, and I hate to admit it, but I actually miss Mollister (you know... the place I used to work that I can't use the real name of since I slandered them repeatedly in previous entries).  I was listening to Kings of Leon radio on Pandora and they kept playing songs by Phoenix and Fun that used to play at Mollister and it made me all nostalgic and sad, so now I'm just sitting here listening to Lady Gaga Pandora, and T.A.t.u is playing... good stuff.  I was in a foul mood when I got out of work (which seems to be coming an increasingly common occurrence as of late) and then the L-train took 12 minutes just to get to the 8th Ave. platform where I stood waiting.  All around me were happy families coming or going to Easter dinners and couples PDA-ing and it was unbearable to be standing there alone.   I could have taken this weekend off in advance if I really needed to, but seeing as how the place where I work was dark (aka... no shows were scheduled) two days last week, I knew if I wasn't available to work on the weekend I probably wouldn't get scheduled at all and I need money.  It's the life of hard-knocks for this girl. sigh. I miss Bijou and Ceely so much it's ridiculous.  I've been having my parents send me pictures of them on a bi-weekly basis.  Last week my sweet Bijou got in a cat fight and had a scratch on his third-eyelid, which required a visit to the vet and some topical creme.  My poor baby, he needs his mom home to protect him from the neighborhood bullies.  lol.

At least the weather is getting warmer and sunnier so hopefully I can shed the winter weight I put on (thanks to baked goods, hearty pasta dishes, and drunken San Loco fests) and also lose my severe case of the SADs (Seasonal Affective Disorder).  Yesterday was nearly 60 degrees, and since I was all alone with nothing to do, I spent the afternoon sunbathing in my skiver-me-shimbers on the terrace.  It was really nice to feel the warm sun searing my flesh that hadn't seen the light of day in about 8 months time. hahaha.

The only thing that would have made this better would have been a delicious cocktail and a hot masseur. 

My parents sent back some treats with my sister and brother in law including a gallon of maple syrup and a can of mace. lol... my dad decided I needed a can of mace to carry in my purse to defend myself in the event of an attacker when I get out of work at night.  He keeps reminding me every time I speak with him on the phone not to get it in my eyes and to read the instructions.... I swear, he thinks I'm five sometimes.  Now that I'm older, I appreciate my dad's over-protectiveness.  I mean, not only did the man make and pack my school lunches for 12 years of my life (he went through such great lengths as to cook bacon so he could make me club sandwiches and BLTs for years), but he always serviced my car, changed the oil, made sure I had gloves, blankets, flashlights, first-aid kits, and extra change in my car, built me fires when I said I wanted to have a get-together in the woods with my friends, and always made sure I was over-packed for any over-night trip I've ever gone on.  I think it has really changed my outlook on what I look for in a man, because even though I don't particularly like macho-men, I definitely appreciate a guy who can change a car tire or build me a fire from scratch these days.   I only wish my dad hadn't been so over-protective when it came to playing with sparklers because I had my second run-in with them the other night, with no supervision.  I am pretty sure I already mentioned the first night I was doing bottle service and had to use a sparkler un-supervised for the first time in my life and I didn't know how to put it out and started jamming it in the bucket of ice on the table as the flame rose higher and higher.... that was REAL humiliating.  Well, I finally know that they burn out on their own, but the other night at work, I had to do bottle service and bring up some bottles on stage for Reverend Run's son, Diggie.  It was a real shitshow; the promoter wanted a big production so I went up on stage carrying sparklers and a bottle with two of the other girls I was working with.  Let me tell you; three sparklers in one hand is a TERRIBLE idea.  I didn't get severely injured, but I burnt the skin between my thumb and index finger and it felt raw and ache-y for the rest of the night.  I then read the label on the sparkler's packaging and thought it was pretty ironic:

Now, in case you can't make out the writing, it says "For OUTDOOR use only; stick base firmly in ground in upright position.  DO NOT HOLD IN HAND.  Light tip and GET AWAY." I guess holding three sparklers in one hand isn't exactly proper protocol.  My dad would have thrown a shit fit if he'd seen that. 

I'm starting to wonder if I will ever have a discretionary income again.  I miss shopping and being able to go out with no worries, or the days of yore when buying myself a nice, new frock didn't come accompanied with feelings of regret like, "oh shit, I should have spent that $60 on groceries." Now, my only form of self-indulgence is painting my nails or if I'm feeling really frivolous, I might slap on some good ol' self tanner to lift my spirits.  Is this what the rest of my life is going to be like?  I really hope things start to look up soon... Hustler Club is starting to sound like a realllly good option.  I'm really glad that I didn't get cable when I first moved here because having another bill on top of student loans and rent would just be terrible news right about now.  When I can finally afford cable, I'm going to throw a huge, white-trashed theme party for everyone I know to come watch some trashy reality shows at my apartment while I serve up PBR and potato chips. And I'm going where the trashiest romper ever.  I got this lil' baby from Nastygal.com for my bday, and naturally didn't end up wearing it out because well, let's face it- I spent my bday upstate and this type of number doesn't really fly at the local bar or even the nearest local college town.  Such a shame....

Yeah, pretty sure this back side wouldn't fly anywhere.... maybe in a cage at a gay bar.  Why do I buy things I can't even wear out?  I wish I could just live in a world where it was ok to where sexy clothes without the fear of sexual assault or people assuming I was a slut. 

When Life Gives You Lemons...

This blog entry will entail a major bitch fest; consider yourself warned.

I'm not sure how it is possible for me to NOT have a full-time, decent-paying job at this point in my search.  It's a sad, sad day when you're scrolling through Craigslist and you stop and consider applying to a job as a night-shift Janitor at an Equinox gym in Queens.  It's as equally as pathetic when you are scrolling through Craiglist and consider applying as a nude model for an art class because you're just so hard up.  I have to keep reading the ridiculous personal ads and 'missed connections' postings on Craigslist just to inject a bit of humor into my life while I apply to job, after job, after job, after job after job, after job... you get the point.

I was expecting around $600 from my State Tax Return.  I got a decent amount back from my Federal and was still awaiting my State return when I received a letter saying I, in fact, owed $233.  My parents filed my taxes for me and were the ones who informed me how much I should be getting back from both state and federal, so I'm not sure how it went from me getting back $600 to me OWING $233.  That's just another wrench thrown into the wheel that is my life right now.   On top of that, the last few weeks at work have been extremely non-lucrative.  On top of having several dark days (aka, No shows are schedules), my tips have been less than satisfactory.  I don't even know why I say that I will do hospitality either, when the bands never tip.  What's wrong with people?!  Then I'll have terrible customers who choose to sit down, knowing there is a set minimum they have to spend to sit at a table, tip me like, $1 on a $20 tab.   I'm not sure what is wrong with some people, but if you can't fucking afford to tip your waitress (whom is making a measly $5/hour) at LEAST 18%, you probably shouldn't even be shelling out money to eat out.  People are so inconsiderate.

My skin is in the middle of a severe break-out due to stress, my acne meds make me feel nauseous and like complete shit, and on top of that, my MVP insurance didn't even cover my one time visit to the local dermatologist, so they went ahead and helped themselves to $120 directly from my account.  Let this be a lesson to you all; NEVER let anyone make a copy of your debit card, even if they say it is mandatory when you visit the office.  Seeing as how I am still on my parent's insurance, all of my MVP billing statements are sent home, so I never see them.  I checked my home credit union account on line this weekend, and was wondering where $120 of my money had mysteriously gone.  Upon further investigation, I saw that it went to Williamsburg Dermatology; please keep in mind, the FIRST, LAST, and ONLY time that I even went to the office was November 7th.  I paid my $15 co-pay when I went, and thought my insurance would cover the rest; afterall, I had gone to this office in the first place because I saw that they accepted MVP coverage. Alas, after calling the dermatology office and my insurance provider, I found out that they only accepted select sub-categories of MVP insurance, and so, without any acknowledgment or notice or bill, they helped themselves to my money.  I think it is pretty fucking shady I wasn't even informed that I owed them anything and they went ahead and just took it out of my account.  A day after the money mysteriously disappeared from my account, I received a bill in the mail from them.  What poor timing on their behalf.... I'm never going there again.

I  think I might go back to a trade-school for like plumbing or auto mechanics so I can make some decent money.

BOOOOOZE on the brain

I haven't written a blog in over a month because I've been too busy to even complete my normal daily routine.  I've been so busy, that I haven't even had time to read the 'Afternoon Crumbs' on Dlisted.com, or check out the new dresses on Nastygal.com like I used to do every morning as I had a leisurely, two cups of coffee.  Alas, I can finally breath a sigh of relief, as the show I was working on (SAGA) has premiered, so I am done going into the costume shop daily and slaving away making birch-branch chandeliers for the gala.  The opening night of the show was FANTASTIC.  I hadn't sat through a full rehearsal prior to seeing the show on stage.... it truly was amazing.  Tickets are $30 and it is running through April 14th at Baruch College before Wakka Wakka Productions goes on tour.  You won't be disappointed, even if you are skeptical because it's a puppet show... GO!  I know I'm a little biased because I worked on the costumes and props, but honestly, it was such a great production it is worth every penny to go see it.   Here is the New York Times review if you don't believe me:  http://theater.nytimes.com/show/105787/Saga/overview.  Five out of five stars!

Holy shit, I can't believe I worked on a show that was reviewed by NYTimes.  I'm sorry if I'm coming across as a gloaty-goaty right now. hahaha.  I just had an epiphany.  I don't care If I didn't get paid a cent- the experience was a amazing as were all of the individuals I had the opportunity to work for/with.  Even though I have free time again, I am sad it's over.  Isn't it always that way?  It's like when you're super stressed and busy before Christmas, and then it comes and it's so great and you wake up and it's all over.  All the months of preparation, the work and time and effort for one joyous moment and then it's over.  Well, it's not over for the cast and crew, but I'm done for the time being.  Sigh.  I guess it's back to filling my time with job searching.  At least I can clean all of the glitter and paint marks off my floor.  For the past three weeks it has looked like Ke$ha was blowing glitter lines all over my apartment.


I had planned on going home this week to spend some quality time with Bijou and Ceely (and maybe the rest of my family), however I remembered I have these two cats to feed and scoop shit for.  Plus, I don't want to take a smelly Greyhound (see previous entries if you must know my history with the public bus system and why I hate it).  I may go home this weekend since I am not scheduled to work at Highline... I don't know if I can trust the cats to not shit on my bed though like they did last time I went home for a day and a half.

If you're wondering why this entry is titled "Boooze on the brain," it's because now that I'm a little less high-strung than I have been the past few weeks, I feel the urge to put on some sexy little number and go get wasted (well, within reason).   Also, one of my friends texted me an old photo of a hip-hop party we threw when I was still at Oneonta, and I started to feel very nostalgic for my past life.  I know I am still young and I can go party if I want to.  But it's just like, now I feel guilty sleeping-in when it seems like there is always something I need to get done or some obligation I have.  My alcohol tolerance is way lower than it once was and I get wasted fast and hard (a couple of weeks ago I missed the Oscars because I went out on an empty stomach after work and had 2.5 vodka and cranberries and got trashed to the point of vomiting and crying... shameful).  Also, my hangovers are quite nasty in my old age.  And now I feel remorseful when I act the drunken fool too.  I just wish I could go back for a week and go on like a three day bender, partying every night and wearing heels and tight dresses and throwing skittles on my floor and sprinkling glitter on it to add ambiance the way I once did (oh wait, I still have glitter all over my floor from making stuff for the gala- now I just need a box of wine and some friends).